How to work with children with low attention span

[Chenonceau]

Motivation has nothing to do with reason. Motivation has to do with feeling. You are motivated when you FEEL like you want to do something that you CAN do. Reason does not help. If it did, why do addicted people continue gambling? They absolutely FEEL like they wanna gamble despite knowing that it's wrong. The FEEL is stronger than the REASON in motivating performance.


The trick is to make the child FEEL like she wants to do it, and that she can. Here is a possible motivation recipe that MIGHT work. I am not sure if it will because I don't have enough diagnostics to go by.

SMALL STEPS
(1) Break up a big goal into small parts. Give it to her one part at a time. Give feedback after the completion of every part.

(a) Why small parts? Treat focus and concentration like weightlifting. You start with lighter weights and slowly build up. When DS was small (3 years), I praised him whenever he could focus on Winnie the Pooh Alphabet CD-ROM for 10 minutes. Now, he can sit down for 7 hours intensely memorizing Chinese compos AT ONE SHOT.

(b) Why feedback? Feedback is motivating in itself. That is why factory floors have scoreboards that publicise defect rates per team. That is why arcade games give instant feedback everytime you shoot a guy down or you complete one cycle of the race track. Objective feedback in the form of ticks, crosses, numbers or specific advice has the effect of engaging the attention and focusing it for a while. Like a hook. Many hooks, more sticky the attention.

(c) Why praise? Praise builds self-efficacy (or confidence). Self-efficacy motivates (under certain conditions). Self-efficacy can reduce motivation in other conditions... if this recipe does not work for you, its weak point is likely here.

(d) Why praise? Praise strengthens the parent-child relationship. This relationship is easily THE MOST USEFUL tool in my motivating toolbox. When all else fails, it is the strength of my love that gives energy to my child to keep on trying.


MAGIC NOSE
(2) Try the magic nose. When my kids were in lower primary, I declared that I had a magic nose. Whenever I noticed that they were losing focus or feeling dejected or tired or overwhelmed, I would put my nose to their cheek and make a funny noise to depict the energy flowing from me to them.

(a) Why magic nose? It makes them laugh. Laughter gives them energy and they have that little more to carry on.

(b) Why magic nose? It shows them I love them. Love is motivating.

These strategies require a parent in control of her negative emotions. You can't frighten your kid into motivated state. Fear saps energy. You need to create and give energy that your kid can convert into effort.

These strategies require a vigilant parent. You need to be physically there to observe energy levels and not leave the child all alone in his/her room. I began to leave my son alone only after I had trained his focus and built a good motivational foundation. The start of this process is tedious for the parent.

Hope this helps!!

[b2b3m4]

Chenonceau ,

Thank you for the great advice!!! I’ll definitely give your suggestion a shot.
However, what about activities that is conducted without us parents around, like in school? DD1’s teacher wants me to teach her at home but i do not think that is the solution. What kind of advice or tips can i offer her to get her motivated other than punishment and rewards? I won’t be able to be at school to see how’s she is doing.

[cnimed]

Chenonceau, you are a great patient mum. The only thing that can motivate my boys right now is fear. They shamelessly take advantage of my patience when I try to humour them and offer them carrots and encouragement. Only a fire lit under their bum get them to move at the speed they are capable of.

[Chenonceau]

deminc:

Chenonceau, you are a great patient mum. The only thing that can motivate my boys right now is fear. They shamelessly take advantage of my patience when I try to humour them and offer them carrots and encouragement. Only a fire lit under their bum get them to move at the speed they are capable of.

Yup! That works. Give quick results (a bit like caffeine) but it kills internal drive (like caffeine weakens the body). Building motivation takes years. There is no short cut. But once done, you can sit back in secondary school and your child (like my DD) will still end up in hospital because she is so driven to perform that she sleeps only 3 hours a night.

I don't humour mine. I know what behaviours I want and I make sure get them. I will use the cane if necessary. But the difference is that I break everything up into small behavioral parts and work on each at a time. Gee... I hope I am making sense. The approach is not a soft approach. It's more like an iron hand in a velvet glove.

[Chenonceau]

b2b3m4,


Ummm... It isn't where you start in P1? It's where you end in P6. Not everyone has that kinda kid that does not daydream... but if parents know how to train, we can train our dreamy and laid back ones to end up where the other non-dreamy ones end up. Be patient with yourself and your DD?

It took my son up until P4 to kinda get it all together. Have you read this blogpost? It takes time and many many incidents and interactions to build a motivation foundation.

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/adapt-your-parenting-style-your-childs-growing-needs

[cnimed]

Chenonceau:

I don't humour mine. I know what behaviours I want and I make sure get them. I will use the cane if necessary. But the difference is that I break everything up into small behavioral parts and work on each at a time. Gee... I hope I am making sense. The approach is not a soft approach. It's more like an iron hand in a velvet glove.

I was genuinely saying you are a great PATIENT mum. As I typed just now, I was lighting the fire under my kids' bums so I was also laughing at myself.

My kids can be very...melodramatic procrastinators. They do have great attention spans for the things they like but other things are just a chance to go on a trip of free associations round the universe. They are always busy busy busy with their own projects, and homework is just time away from their interests.

It could also be that I always have two boys together and they really bounce off each other. I have to assert my authority fire-cracker style before anything can be done or the entire afternoon is wasted playing with hair or raiding the fridge numerous times.

[Chenonceau]

deminc:

Chenonceau:

I don't humour mine. I know what behaviours I want and I make sure get them. I will use the cane if necessary. But the difference is that I break everything up into small behavioral parts and work on each at a time. Gee... I hope I am making sense. The approach is not a soft approach. It's more like an iron hand in a velvet glove.

I was genuinely saying you are a great PATIENT mum. As I typed just now, I was lighting the fire under my kids' bums so I was also laughing at myself.

My kids can be very...melodramatic procrastinators. They do have great attention spans for the things they like but other things are just a chance to go on a trip of free associations round the universe. They are always busy busy busy with their own projects, and homework is just time away from their interests.

It could also be that I always have two boys together and they really bounce off each other. I have to assert my authority fire-cracker style before anything can be done or the entire afternoon is wasted playing with hair or raiding the fridge numerous times.

:rotflmao:

[Oppsgal]

same for my kid. also low attention span when coming to sitting down quietly for a read. Jumping and running...


But when comes playing games or television shows, the eyes basically glue to the programmes, seat getting warm.

For now, teachers complain that my kid running about in class during lessons. Finally i done up the first reward chart. for few days, no more running about during lessons.

wondering end of the chart, should I give a small present for the well behavior?

[yeo88]

Hi Jedamum,


Great to hear your son’s progress. Did you do anything diferent to change his behavior? Did you bring your son for assessment?

My daughter is 10 year old and I am thinking of sending her for assessment. But I am not sure where to start. Any recommendation on centre assessment would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

[jedamum]

yeo88:

Hi Jedamum,


Great to hear your son's progress. Did you do anything diferent to change his behavior? Did you bring your son for assessment?

My daughter is 10 year old and I am thinking of sending her for assessment. But I am not sure where to start. Any recommendation on centre assessment would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

yeo88,
we went to polyclinic to do a developmental assessment at 3yo and then asked for referral letter to see specialist. then they assigned us to CDU@JMC for speech and behavioural support. then behavioural specialist direct us to do a hearing test. after determining at his ear was partially block, we went to GP to flush out the blockage.
i started cutting down drastically (banning initially, but now he enjoys 1hr+ of show a day) on TV and we gave him DHA fishy tablets.
although we are still under the behavioural specialist review list, he ruled out ADHD just saying that he has more energy than regular child. we realised that his short attention at some stuff is mitigated by his intense concentration during that short moment, so academic-wise he is doing fine.
just everynow and then monkey around in class and sits at naughty corner