In-law problems?
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could it be financially they are worse off than your family and being a sahm might also be a last option for them. thus they are trying to tighten their belts and looking for ways to save money.
your dh doesnt think much of it well, maybe he doesnt think he is in need of his parents’ $$$.
but if it pure greed, then not very nice. -
I don’t think kids should ask for handouts from elderly parents. Parents are old and have lost their earning power. Often, the house they stay in, is the only thing they have of value. You’re young and able bodied. Make it happen for yourself OR make do with less.
Every time we bought a property, my MIL wanted to give us some money to help out. I always refused. Partly, I didn’t want to be in a situation where for the little help we get, I end up so beholden that I will have to pay out more than I am willing and can afford in the long term. Partly, I thought that emotionally and psychologically, the old folks would experience greater well-being if they had surplus in the bank and owned a place of their own.
When they die, part of whatever they have will come to us anyway. Meanwhile, just keep it with them - like a savings account. It’s better for family harmony and the old folks’ emotional well-being. If my SIL ever suggested this, I would raise these objections.
How poor one is, is no excuse to ask elderly parents for handouts. They’ve put in the years of hard work. Let them enjoy whatever surplus they have, even if it’s in the form of a flat. -
Chenonceau:
I don't think kids should ask for handouts from elderly parents. Parents are old and have lost their earning power. Often, the house they stay in, is the only thing they have of value. You're young and able bodied. Make it happen for yourself OR make do with less.
My exact sentiments! Also she is planning to sell her own flat which has higher value then my ils. Her reason for asking for the BIG discount is to be debt free! It's not as if they can't take a loan and repay it using her dh's cpf. Most disturbing is that mil and DH didn't think her request unreasonable!!
I think I will slap my kids if I ever get such request. -
mummy of 2:
It's hard for parents to see this. They are so used to giving of themselves. You just have to say it gently and repeatedly in a few different ways. If there is a salary coming in... and CPF... then they should leave the parents nest egg quite alone. They are certainly NOT in dire straits.Chenonceau:
I don't think kids should ask for handouts from elderly parents. Parents are old and have lost their earning power. Often, the house they stay in, is the only thing they have of value. You're young and able bodied. Make it happen for yourself OR make do with less.
My exact sentiments! Also she is planning to sell her own flat which has higher value then my ils. Her reason for asking for the BIG discount is to be debt free! It's not as if they can't take a loan and repay it using her dh's cpf. Most disturbing is that mil and DH didn't think her request unreasonable!!
I think I will slap my kids if I ever get such request.
I see it as a subtle oppression of weaker people and I would speak up to help the oppressed. -
mummy of 2:
Mummy of 2, you r in a difficult position. If you voice out the unfairness, your ILs & hubby might think u very petty & concern over money. If u don't voice out, you will b the one suffering. Either way, u r at the losing end. If I were u, I will let DH knows how I feel & will try to analysis the situation with jim but I won't b the one telling my ILs. If my DH agreed with me, he should b the one telling his parents & sister.Chenonceau:
I don't think kids should ask for handouts from elderly parents. Parents are old and have lost their earning power. Often, the house they stay in, is the only thing they have of value. You're young and able bodied. Make it happen for yourself OR make do with less.
My exact sentiments! Also she is planning to sell her own flat which has higher value then my ils. Her reason for asking for the BIG discount is to be debt free! It's not as if they can't take a loan and repay it using her dh's cpf. Most disturbing is that mil and DH didn't think her request unreasonable!!
I think I will slap my kids if I ever get such request. -
Mamo:
Same here. I have enough of being a tame little puppy. I should speak up for myself.
From the incident, I realise that people will take advantage of you if you are too nice. From then on, my MIL \"dare not\" provoke me as she now knows that I am not a tame little dog anymore. As long as I am not in the wrong, I will not hesitate to speak up or defend myself. With the new GEN Y or Z, the world will turn around. -
DesertWind:
Sigh, my hubby had stood up for me then when the whole family including my FIL, MIL and that single and availble SIL started to abuse me verbally and when everytime my hubby speak up for me, my MIL went like very crazy and she yelled that she want to lecture me to good by beating me! All my problems came from that SIL coz she dun like me, i not suppose to outdo her in many things and she dun like me talk to her parents and to my amusement she always complaint to MIL that i bullied her. SIL had always \"backstab\" me in the family, its a cycle , when she has \"cravings\", then she will start to act . She had nvr respect her elder brother which was my husband, not to say she will respect me as her SIL. I got to extremely low profile in that family. Seriously, if not for that my hubby treats me well and love me very much, our marriage could have ended up very early already. This year is my tenth year wedding anniversay, i had already come to terms that if my SIL dun like me, old folks also same. Whatever i said on her is redundant coz FIL and MIL only believe SIL which of coz lah, is their own blood. These days, i nvr go to their house even if it is CNY coz i had realised if can get along ok, if cant then be it. Life is short, be happy is impt. i dun waste my life to \"entertain\" them anymore.ningning:
My MIL had tried to beat me with an umbrella!!! I had not rebute her in any forms of words but she keep on scold and swear me and abuse me with many unimaginable words. She also told her son in front of walk in customers at their store that i was a slut and one day i will run away with all the money and he will be left with no money and alone!!
Alamak, they see you good to bully! How could your husband let them do this? You should consider standing up for yourself....
:sad: -
Hi Ningning,
Since their attitude is so bad, you don’t have to be nice to them anymore. I also have a SIL who thinks that she is a big shot as all the family members are "afraid" of her. I used to respect her like a sister but I don’t give a damn now since she doesn’t deserve my respect. You don’t have to "entertain" them, just lead your own life with your DH and be happy. -
Sometimes wonder, is MIL trying to play 'home politics'.
When DH home a bit later, she'll quickly eat and then quickly clear her plates. But when DH home on time to all eat together, she refused to join us (like very pitiful like that) & be the last to eat. After my family's meal, I'll washup before retiring to room either to do some personal stuff or coach kids' on their schoolwork. She will immediately eat after we go into room and besides cleaning up her own plates, will start cleaning stove/pots/basin etc LOUDLY. So much so that DH came & questioned me DID I clean up our plates or leave it all to MIL....how come she's take soooo long in the kitchen :mad: I barked back at him not to doubt me in this manner....ie. leave dirty plates for MIL to wash.
I'm not a good cook.....but once in a while, does cook well a dish or two enough to earn some 'praise' from DH & kids. Last week, I cooked something to their liking but a little too saltish (eat with rice ok lah).......MIL kept quiet. But the moment DH commented would be healthier if a little less salty, MIL immediately came adding on 'Yah too salty, no good for health. Too saltish how to eat, difficult to eat blah blah blah etc etc'. But you know what, her own cooking she'll claim saltish nicer. And every dinner, before she even tried my dishes, she pour soy sauce over her rice/soup before tucking in.....and of course, DH din know about all these.
All these trivial little actions (not just the 2 mentioned of course), really make me wonder what is MIL trying to do? Am I being over-suspicious?
>70yo but her mind still very clear.....maybe that's what keeping her on her toes and avoid dementia :rotflmao: -
Cannot stand it. Just overheard what MIL told my gal.
SIL (also DIL) went for 4-day business trip so only left MIL’s son to look after the toddler. MIL said to my gal "baby no mommy nevermind. Anyway baby dun look for the mommy, only look for daddy. Just the daddy is enough already, no Ned mommy’. Gosh, what kind of rubbish is she sprouting!! She did that to me last time too. I remembered once when I was rather sick when both kids were young, so I din go near them to avoid spreading, so DH was taking care & carrying the younger one. And right in front of my face, she told my elder boy pyscho-ying him by saying ‘you like daddy more right? got daddy good enough’. grrhhhh
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