How to work with shy children

[schellen]

She will also sense your anxiety and insecurity at leaving her on her own so not only must you harden your heart, you must convince yourself that she will be fine. Then, you will be able to "convince" her that she will be okay on her own through you body language.

[mummy of 2]

Actually I'm not the one who accompanies her to her playgroup. She is super clingy to me and I know she will be even worse if I'm around, so hubby is the one who goes with her


I'm always very cheerful when waving goodbye to her.

Just that she wun cry for too long when she starts the daily playgroup.

[schellen]

mummy of 2:

Actually I'm not the one who accompanies her to her playgroup. She is super clingy to me and I know she will be even worse if I'm around, so hubby is the one who goes with her


I'm always very cheerful when waving goodbye to her.

Just that she wun cry for too long when she starts the daily playgroup.

That's good. Did you check with your DH how he reacts when he's there with your DD?

[mummy of 2]

As far as I know, he tries to hide in one corner and let her participate in whatever is going on

[jedamum]

my ds1 used to attend a weekly playgroup when he was 2.5yo and suffer from separation anxiety too. the admin officer explained that as he was only exposed to once a week separation, he will never be fully 'integrated' with the school system and advised me to sign up for daily classes. I did not cos I did not like the teachers and eventually we left for another cheaper and daily nursery programme with 'older' teachers.


what the other parents mentioned is correct - we have to let go first before the kid can let go. I made the first mistake with ds1, so now with ds2, separation anxiety better managed. But then again, ds1 is the shy type unlike ds2, so character makes a difference too. But for my case, ds1, though born shy (although a chatterbox at home; very much like me though :oops:), has no issues conversing with strangers or people in authority now (P1) although he prefers to keep quiet most of the time as he said that he does feel anxious speaking up. Encourage your shy kid to speak up more. Build their confidence first before pushing them out into the public. They may still feel anxious, but they will learn to better manage their anxiety and keep the feeling in control as they face up and speak up to strangers.

[schellen]

mummy of 2:

As far as I know, he tries to hide in one corner and let her participate in whatever is going on

Trying to imagine a grown man squeezing himself into a small corner.... :lol:

Does your DD often look for your DH during that time? Not just turning around to look for him but running to where he is too. I'm just wondering since you said that she's not as clingy (or not clingy?) to your DH.

Maybe she really just needs time to adapt to playgroup on a regular basis.
When I sent my DD to playgroup, she happened to be at the age when parents were required to be around (about 2-1/2). She didn't cry or fuss but I knew she was reassured by my presence close by, even if she can't see me or have me follow her everywhere. She warmed up to the teachers quickly (rather than her peers) during those few months so when it was time to transfer her to the older group (from age 3, I think), I could leave her for 90-120 minutes without any problem. Eventually, when I sent her to full-day childcare when she turned 4, the transition was smooth.

Good luck!

[mummy of 2]

Generally we do not force her to speak to her strangers, only say \"hello\" and \"bye bye\". My elder son is the complete opposite. He can start a conversation with anyone. And i really mean anyone, even the worker who is doing repainting at the lift lobby :lol:


You are right in that character makes a big difference. We are trying to expose her gradually to social situations in a non-threatening way. For school, maybe just have to let go and let her cry it out, like what some of you suggested.

[Busymom]

My DS (2.5yo) is shy and introvert when he is in the company of outsiders. He is rowdy and noisy at home, not unlike his sister, whom I used to call a social butterfly. I was concerned if he would be able to adapt to being on his own in childcare when he turned 2. All kids, whether shy or not, would have separation anxiety. However, the degree and length of it would be worse for one who is clingy and introvert. That was what I thought, at least.


As it turned out, he cried for less than 5 days when he first started going to childcare, which was better than DD. Having seen his sister gone to another school had helped (so he knows that his turn to go to school would come when he is older). However, it is equally important to mentally prepare the kids for what is to come. Just as what we did with DD, we read a few stories which were about going to school to him, e.g. Spot Goes To School, and there was another about Emily, the rabbit (can’t remember the title now). Both are great stories about the fun things that one does in school. I would then tell DS gently that he would soon have to go to school and how fun that would be. We also brought him to the childcare and let him see the environment.

What we also did with DD, which we didn’t with DS, was that we used to bring her to My Gym, a class for physical activities. There is a segment in the middle of the class where all the toddlers would be left in the middle of room, surrounded by toys. Parents would then spread out to other corners of the room. Initially, you will see some tolddlers finding their way back to their parents, but after some weeks, these toddlers would be quite happy to play the toys on their own. Maybe this is something that you can try out when you bring DD to friends/relatives’ house.

[hquek]

DS1 cried for half a year (yup, 6 whole months) when I first enrolled him in playgroup - the mummies/grandmas were surprised one July morning when he didn't cry. :oops: Since then, he enjoys his N1, N2 and now K1 years.


DS2 cried for a few months also (I think about 2/3) when he first went to N1 this year. He doesn't cry now, but will still grumble and resist wearing his uniform in the morning.

I gather that my kids cried hardest when they are going to wear uniform or about to enter the school. Once in, the teachers will usually comfort them and carry them; or they start playing games and other stuff and the kids will quieten down.

[mummy of 2]

Period of crying varies from 5 days to 6motnhs...wow! Hope my DD doesn't break the record. Have decided to let her attend daily playgroup from next year onwards. Will try to prepare her mentally for that. Thanks for all your tips and sharing :thankyou: