In-law problems?
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strong family bond
we talk about starting school at a later hour so that the family could bond over breakfast, parents driving kids to school are bonding,etc. also on tv, messages about family bond (sunday is for family - kfc advt)
we parents love and teach our kids our value and beliefs. we spend more than a quarter of our lives with our kids as one united family. then the kids got married. in come an outsider (who might not even click with the family).
parents and siblings have to accept they are no longer at the top of the married kid/sibling's list (the outsider is no 1 now).
the outsider (pardon me for the use of this word and i am also the outisder) should also acknowledge that it is impossible for the married son/daughter to drop his/her family off the radar. it might take months/years or it might not happen. the love and bond (of more than a quarter of their life) is there, how to break.
there are nasty inlaws on both sides. marriage is never easy. it is never about 2 persons and neither is it about 1 person.
i want to continue to have a strong bond with my married kids and i would be sad if this closeness with my kids is resented by their partners.
why cant our married kids talk to us maybe about which school the grandchildren should go, where to buy a flat......it is not like we are going to insist on our way, it is more like gathering info, having more options etc. and if what we said, make sense why is it that in the son/daughter in law's eyes, we are interfering, forcing our ways on them? this is what we usually do over dinners when kids were young as one family, part of our family lifestyle to have discussions and debates etc which i am sure is happening in many families now.
i am not in favour of looking after my grandchildren cos i dont wish to clash with my kids in laws over the methods etc thus souring the relationship. neither do i want to tell them what to do with their marriage. so it is kinda hands off.
very difficult situation. look after grandchildren and my ways might not be accepted(maybe consdiered old fashion ways in the future). dont look after, well, the married couple might also complain (why cant help???). :faint:
my head spinning now, not so good with words.......... -
This morn, my SIL smsed me angrily about an email the hubby’s selfish and inconsiderate bro sent him…main idea is to sell off the 3room flat the parents are staying in. The selfish bloke wants the old ones to move into his flat and help him with housework. He said the parents are old and need money for medicine…hubby never said they are sick.
I told hubby NO way their flat can be sold bcos the mil must have a flat of her own to throw tantrums…always doing that. She is also not the type who can stay with anyone. The old ones can stay in that selfish son’s place with his wife but rent flat out the 3 room. Otherwise they will be homeless if thrown out.
We have seen many Mediacorp dramas about this kind of thing. It’s definitely not drama. -
janet_lee88:
Sorry, dont really understand. Your SIL angry with who? Her hubby?This morn, my SIL smsed me angrily about an email the hubby's selfish and inconsiderate bro sent him...main idea is to sell off the 3room flat the parents are staying in. The selfish bloke wants the old ones to move into his flat and help him with housework. He said the parents are old and need money for medicine...hubby never said they are sick.
I told hubby NO way their flat can be sold bcos the mil must have a flat of her own to throw tantrums...always doing that. She is also not the type who can stay with anyone. The old ones can stay in that selfish son's place with his wife but rent flat out the 3 room. Otherwise they will be homeless if thrown out.
We have seen many Mediacorp dramas about this kind of thing. It's definitely not drama.
Yeah, it sounds like your BIL is doing it not for some reasons other than for his parents own good. Must make sure they don't sell the house, if not, they will sure regret & you will also suffer later.
My friend's brother asked their father to sell the flat (flat under bro n father's name) so that bro's wife can b included in the new purchase flat & also to finance his small biz. She been nagging over this issue for years. Flat sold, bro & wife bought resale flat, parents stayed with them for a few years. Mum passed away, then father got kicked out of house. Reason, wife cannot take her FIL nonsense any more. So father moved to my friend's house reluctantly. My friend is single, lived with her mum before her mum passed away. Her father created lots of problem for her too. So if the father still got name in flat, no one can chase him out. To be fair, the father is a very difficult person to live with. What I want to say is no matter wat happen, try not to sell flat n stay with children. If wanna stay k rent the flat out don't sell. -
janet's inlaws aint that easy to deal with.
luckily janet is able to stand up for herself and her family, otherwise would be :imdrowning: .
even putting up a wall/distance between all parties, the one caught in between still has to deal with it :slapshead: . -
Flowermonaster:
Sorry for confusion.janet_lee88:
We have seen many Mediacorp dramas about this kind of thing. It's definitely not drama.
Sorry, dont really understand. Your SIL angry with who? Her hubby?
Yeah, it sounds like your BIL is doing it not for some reasons other than for his parents own good. Must make sure they don't sell the house, if not, they will sure regret & you will also suffer later.
What I want to say is no matter wat happen, try not to sell flat n stay with children. If wanna stay k rent the flat out don't sell.
My eldest SIL is angry with her hubby's younger brother for the email about wanting parents to sell their flat. He wrote an email to eldest bro saying that he has given parents $100K already for their maintenance and wants the flat to be sold. So that means he is implying that he give $500 every month and expects parents to sell off the flat and return him ?? So, don't make himself to be such a saint by saying that he gives the most pocket money.
From DAY 1, I know he is one person who is nice to those with 'advantage' to himself. That is due to the mother's upbringing...亲情不重要，钱更重要。I told hubby that 3 room flat his parents are staying in CANNOT be sold. If his greedy brother wants money, rent out the flat and ask parents to stay with him...if things turn sour, then at least chase the tenant out. Can die, talking about his family. MUST stay MILES MILES away. -
janet_lee88:
Sorry for confusion.Flowermonaster:
[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]We have seen many Mediacorp dramas about this kind of thing. It's definitely not drama.
Sorry, dont really understand. Your SIL angry with who? Her hubby?
Yeah, it sounds like your BIL is doing it not for some reasons other than for his parents own good. Must make sure they don't sell the house, if not, they will sure regret & you will also suffer later.
What I want to say is no matter wat happen, try not to sell flat n stay with children. If wanna stay k rent the flat out don't sell.
My eldest SIL is angry with her hubby's younger brother for the email about wanting parents to sell their flat. He wrote an email to eldest bro saying that he has given parents $100K already for their maintenance and wants the flat to be sold. So that means he is implying that he give $500 every month and expects parents to sell off the flat and return him ?? So, don't make himself to be such a saint by saying that he gives the most pocket money.
From DAY 1, I know he is one person who is nice to those with 'advantage' to himself. That is due to the mother's upbringing...亲情不重要，钱更重要。I told hubby that 3 room flat his parents are staying in CANNOT be sold. If his greedy brother wants money, rent out the flat and ask parents to stay with him...if things turn sour, then at least chase the tenant out. Can die, talking about his family. MUST stay MILES MILES away.[/quote]OIC. I like old Ah Ma watching soap opera. Yeah must never let them sell. Your SIL also don't agree so got support not so bad. -
but janet’s bil is not the only one who wants the parents to sell the flat (if i remember correctly). her hubby’s sister also wants the flat to be sold too or was it about spliting the assets?
so is a draw 2 : 2 -
DH and I are finally getting our own home after 5 years of marriage. Our renovations are also all completed. And we are starting the process of getting all the furniture and fixtures in. But we have not moved in yet. On a Thurs, MIL tells me that she has prepared some ceremonial stuff for us to put into the house… rice, oil, vinegar, salt and tea. She says that it is ‘her role’ as a MIL to prepare it.
On Sat, DH decides to bring his mom to see our home for the first time… unfortunately, DD and I are unable to go with them as we both are down with a cold and fever and need to rest. So they go ahead… Come Sat night, DH tells me that his mom likes the place and that the both of them have brought the ceremonial things into the house and placed it in the kitchen.
I just want to check isn’t the ‘ceremonial’ things suppose to be brought into the house by DH, me and DD when we are ready to move in? Not for MIL to bring it in as if it is her home and her kitchen? -
Robiq,
Maybe it was a good ‘feng shui’ day and time and your MIL wanted to help you out…
I moved recently and DH had to buy, carry on our own…stove and all…
This ‘ritual’ meant for the head of the family and kitchen stuff to be bought and placed by the lady of the house…
Why didn’t your DH check with you first de… -
janet_lee88:
wtf ?? :censored: :rant:
My eldest SIL is angry with her hubby's younger brother for the email about wanting parents to sell their flat. He wrote an email to eldest bro saying that he has given parents $100K already for their maintenance and wants the flat to be sold. So that means he is implying that he give $500 every month and expects parents to sell off the flat and return him ??
perhaps yr PIL should reply an email, detailing all the cost incurred in bringing him up since birth, putting him to sch and beyond, years of accomodation and meals, and other side benefits. In all probabilities, the amount will be far in excess of the $100k 'maintenance' he had 'generously' given in all.
In fact, your BIL could end up still ho-tang ( owe ) his parents more than $100k, taking into consideration inflation ! Then he should consider selling HIS home to repay his parents instead. zzzzzzzz
really kns son :mad:
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