The worst birthday gift
-
ksi:
Hi ksi, we are all entitled to have our own reactions and opinions.As human, sall is entitled to have the initial reactions of shock as she is not the friend of the girl and is not sure how strong is the relationship of the girl and her dd despite a child can be invited. Sometimes the birthday person who invites is not sure how good a friend is too until after several encounters. Incidentally, in a wedding, sometimes one has no choice but to invite some people if they all belong to one team, working together daily. Ostracising a person in a team is yet another sin.
Importantly is sall's expectation is reasonable. She is not expecting big or expensive gifts, just reasonably thoughtful gifts such as a hand-made bookmark. Rusty is fine if you know how to find a way to cover up the rust such as tying a ribbon over the rusty part. Expired chocolate is a sign where you do not care about your friend's health, what if the birthday girl gets sick after eating? I don't remember that she has asked her child not to accept the presents but she has all rights to ask her child not to repeat the same to another friend and deemed this as unacceptable practice.
Thank you for highlighting something basic but important.
It is our responsibility to check food for expiry before eating them. -
I will let my dd decide on the actions. For me, I will return (not throw back) the used gifts (not expired chocolates) and continue to befriend that PRC girl. The reason for returning the gifts is because those are used items and the PRC girl may have given away items that she likes a lot and has lots of sentimental value. As for the expired chocolates, it might just be an oversight and there is no need to mention that at all.
-
carebear:
Hi carebear, agree with you and you are welcome.
Hi ksi, we are all entitled to have our own reactions and opinions.ksi:
As human, sall is entitled to have the initial reactions of shock as she is not the friend of the girl and is not sure how strong is the relationship of the girl and her dd despite a child can be invited. Sometimes the birthday person who invites is not sure how good a friend is too until after several encounters. Incidentally, in a wedding, sometimes one has no choice but to invite some people if they all belong to one team, working together daily. Ostracising a person in a team is yet another sin.
Importantly is sall's expectation is reasonable. She is not expecting big or expensive gifts, just reasonably thoughtful gifts such as a hand-made bookmark. Rusty is fine if you know how to find a way to cover up the rust such as tying a ribbon over the rusty part. Expired chocolate is a sign where you do not care about your friend's health, what if the birthday girl gets sick after eating? I don't remember that she has asked her child not to accept the presents but she has all rights to ask her child not to repeat the same to another friend and deemed this as unacceptable practice.
Thank you for highlighting something basic but important.
It is our responsibility to check food for expiry before eating them.
Precisely she was responsible and checked the expiry date, hence upset to find it expired already. It is normal for people to go into \"what if\" analysis after the realisation... \"What if\" her dd ate it and fell sick? This is every parent's worry... 天下父母心。。。。
So bottomline for me is accept the friend's actions as there may be several possibilities why she did what she did. However, moving forward my child needs to know this is a generally unacceptable practice for her to do this to someone else. Whatever constraints she may face such as money or time, she has to solve the problem creatively or plan her time better and do something acceptable, even a song or dance performance or a written poem is heart-warming as a gift, it is not about materialism and this is the message I am getting from sall as well.
I would not suggest the return of the gift, that would open up another can of unnecessary worms and potentially may hurt the friend if she misinterprets the action. -
LOLMum:
the queen of england is known for recycling her xmas presents. this included a set of bath soap she got earlier and recycled (in its original condition) to another member of the family a few years later.
This is the general property of soap for those interested:
Soap will last an awful long time if un-used, however it will lose its fragrance and color and should therefore be used within 12 months. If you have some really old soap of ours hidden away in the bathroom you can still use it, it will still work effectively as a soap bar.
For the Queen, she must have received some kind of premium type of soap which may last even longer.
In any case, recycling of new things as gifts is a virtue....all hail to the Queen! I am sure if common people like us can have duplicates and triplicates ad quadruplicates of some gift items, what more about her?
-
Hi carebear,
If these rusty hairclips, broken purse and expired chocolate came from a young girl, maybe below age of 8, then I won’t find it offensive. At that age, they like to give one another stuff. But these came from a 13yo girl who is mature enough to know what is right or wrong. This shows complete disrespect for the recipient. I’m not expecting the friends to give expensive gifts at all, but broken stuff??? As I said before, even simple handmade cards or notes is meaningful. Yes, she took the trouble to look for stuff, but to look for some items that she wanted to discard and gave them to her friend is just not acceptable.
Allow me to go off-topic for a while. Every year, during the formal prize-giving ceremony in sch, I see some parents who attended the ceremony in inappropriate attire. Some came straight after jogging, some in flip-flops, some mothers came straight after marketing. You can say they took the trouble to attend, but their attire speaks a lot about their attitude. They have absolutely no respect for the school and the important occasion. -
Gooday all, ....very lively exchange...
When i celebrate birthdays for DS is more to create stronger
bond for him and his friends.
Presents are really very very secondary,
Watever it is , i usually write in the invitation card that
their presence and not their presents is most important,
I also say they can come without present though it
do not sit well with DS but I explain to him why.
Nevertheless we do get a lot of fun after the party opening the presents.
I have never encounter a bad present situation and I feel bad
receiving them because I can see some $1-2 dolar may be a
meal for some of his friends.
Even if his rich friends buy a $1-2 dolar present , I wont judge
them because this is really not the purpose of why we
parents celebrate birthdays, it should be more for the
fellowship then the presents.
Presents is a western thing and what we people
do is gather round a table to eat during birthdays?
Its probably not a cultural thing for the PRC??
that's why the hiccup?
We sometime forget the coffee but instead look at the \"teacup\" ...
Something for us to ponder on.....
Maybe we should look beyond the present
and look at the people attending the birthday party...
sall your initial reaction is perfectly normal and understandable
:hi5: -
kiddo, 万岁,
this is not targetted at you just that it triggers some food for thoughts from me.... otherwise later enunch lee will come look for me...
In every invitation card we had sent, it was mentioned presence was more important than presents but no one took note of it or took it seriously in reality. So far I have read that many ksp parents here in discussion are beyond materialism, value system is the discussion here. Everyone will come with something to the party. So the point here is if one wants to do something, do it properly otherwise not doing is better since presents are not expected for those cases stated in the card. Sometimes people do it because they feel embarassed to go empty-handed and the reason for doing so is really to protect self, is it a thoughtful thing for the birthday person? Well, at least 90% of the time I believe it is \"self-triggered\" as we are mortals but I also believe there can be 10% of angels around, who do it for other reasons that benefit the birthday person but it must be clearly presented.
Whether this 10% can be increased really depends on the future of our education direction.
sall, for the offtopic topic to emphasize your point, I have similar thoughts. I am a person particular about respect too and I agree that dressing is important for the right occasion. I do not have so much issues for parents turning up after an exercise session in sportswear in school(neat and reasonably clean)....but I really have a problem for parents turning up in \"holely\" rag-like wear (again the background is not so bad).....and this is a real awful sight, not a fashion statement unfortunately. Being frugal is a virtue but such wear should be limited to homewear if one really enjoys the comfort of the apparel.
btw kiddo, giving birthday presents is NOT a western thing at all. In China, the culture has been BIG in presents eversince every dynasty. If you look at the dynasty you are in, the Qing, you will see that presents are given in every birthday situation....and for the poor, the present from parents to the children would be the longevity noodles or some hand-sewn clothes or shoes. The concept of presents is like a blessing. -
One thing I definitely don't approve of is the opening of presents in front of kids.
Seen it happened a few times and either the birthday child, unconscious of how hurtful his remarks were, exclaimed loudly he doesn't like the present, so childish or cheap the toy were etc or the party guests (including adults) laughed at the cheap present (a box of coloring pencils) embarrassing the giver. :mad: :rant: :frustrated:
Regardless of the gift, dd always write a thank note to the guests for their presence and presents. -
sall:
From what I know, there is no dress code specified for prize giving ceremony, so it is up to the discretion of the parents.
Allow me to go off-topic for a while. Every year, during the formal prize-giving ceremony in sch, I see some parents who attended the ceremony in inappropriate attire. Some came straight after jogging, some in flip-flops, some mothers came straight after marketing. You can say they took the trouble to attend, but their attire speaks a lot about their attitude. They have absolutely no respect for the school and the important occasion.
However it would be nice if they could turn up properly attired.
I remembered reading about an interview with a Westerner who said that wearing T shirts to visit his prospective/ future inlaws is considered disrespectful.
It is really about the culture. -
carebear:
Well said!
Daisyt, I totally agree with you!daisyt:
Sall, it is a good decision of yr dd to put aside this matter. I am sure her objective of throwing a birthday party is not about the gifts, more of sharing the good moments with her friends.
Sall, you have a very mature daughter who has decided to put the matter aside and IMHO, you should learn from her.
I hope you will take what I am going to say not personally but as a humble opinion from me.
I am sad and appalled that some of you find the PRC girl's gift offensive.
Birthdays are not about gifts, and if the guest gives you one, accept it graciously and decide what to do with it at your own discretion.
That's what I don't like about birthday parties and weddings, the gift part and the ang pao.
Hence I never had a wedding celebration, and have not celebrated my kids birthday, unless they ask for one.
Most of us expect a certain standard of gift or amount of money.
Why have we become so materialistic?
The thought about giving the gift is good enough.
The fact that her friend took the effort to find a purse, put the hair pins in and a chocolate bar in is good enough.
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login