The worst birthday gift

[corneyAmber]

kiddo, 万岁, this is not targetted at you just that it triggers some food for thoughts from me.... otherwise later enunch lee will come look for me...


In every invitation card we had sent, it was mentioned presence was more important than presents but no one took note of it or took it seriously in reality. So far I have read that many ksp parents here in discussion are beyond materialism, value system is the discussion here. Everyone will come with something to the party. So the point here is if one wants to do something, do it properly otherwise not doing is better since presents are not expected for those cases stated in the card. Sometimes people do it because they feel embarassed to go empty-handed and the reason for doing so is really to protect self, is it a thoughtful thing for the birthday person? Well, at least 90% of the time I believe it is \"self-triggered\" as we are mortals but I also believe there can be 10% of angels around, who do it for other reasons that benefit the birthday person but it must be clearly presented. Whether this 10% can be increased really depends on the future of our education direction.

sall, for the offtopic topic to emphasize your point, I have similar thoughts. I am a person particular about respect too and I agree that dressing is important for the right occasion. I do not have so much issues for parents turning up after an exercise session in sportswear in school(neat and reasonably clean)....but I really have a problem for parents turning up in \"holely\" rag-like wear (again the background is not so bad).....and this is a real awful sight, not a fashion statement unfortunately. Being frugal is a virtue but such wear should be limited to homewear if one really enjoys the comfort of the apparel.

btw kiddo, giving birthday presents is NOT a western thing at all. In China, the culture has been BIG in presents eversince every dynasty. If you look at the dynasty you are in, the Qing, you will see that presents are given in every birthday situation....and for the poor, the present from parents to the children would be the longevity noodles or some hand-sewn clothes or shoes. The concept of presents is like a blessing.

[LOLMum]

One thing I definitely don't approve of is the opening of presents in front of kids.


Seen it happened a few times and either the birthday child, unconscious of how hurtful his remarks were, exclaimed loudly he doesn't like the present, so childish or cheap the toy were etc or the party guests (including adults) laughed at the cheap present (a box of coloring pencils) embarrassing the giver. :mad: :rant: :frustrated:


Regardless of the gift, dd always write a thank note to the guests for their presence and presents.

[carebear]

sall:

Allow me to go off-topic for a while. Every year, during the formal prize-giving ceremony in sch, I see some parents who attended the ceremony in inappropriate attire. Some came straight after jogging, some in flip-flops, some mothers came straight after marketing. You can say they took the trouble to attend, but their attire speaks a lot about their attitude. They have absolutely no respect for the school and the important occasion.

From what I know, there is no dress code specified for prize giving ceremony, so it is up to the discretion of the parents.
However it would be nice if they could turn up properly attired.
I remembered reading about an interview with a Westerner who said that wearing T shirts to visit his prospective/ future inlaws is considered disrespectful.
It is really about the culture.

[Blazetown]

carebear:

daisyt:

Sall, it is a good decision of yr dd to put aside this matter. I am sure her objective of throwing a birthday party is not about the gifts, more of sharing the good moments with her friends.

Daisyt, I totally agree with you!
Sall, you have a very mature daughter who has decided to put the matter aside and IMHO, you should learn from her.

I hope you will take what I am going to say not personally but as a humble opinion from me.

I am sad and appalled that some of you find the PRC girl's gift offensive.
Birthdays are not about gifts, and if the guest gives you one, accept it graciously and decide what to do with it at your own discretion.

That's what I don't like about birthday parties and weddings, the gift part and the ang pao.
Hence I never had a wedding celebration, and have not celebrated my kids birthday, unless they ask for one.
Most of us expect a certain standard of gift or amount of money.
Why have we become so materialistic?

The thought about giving the gift is good enough.
The fact that her friend took the effort to find a purse, put the hair pins in and a chocolate bar in is good enough.

Well said!

[MummyThreeStreams]

LOLMum:

One thing I definitely don't approve of is the opening of presents in front of kids.


Seen it happened a few times and either the birthday child, unconscious of how hurtful his remarks were, exclaimed loudly he doesn't like the present, so childish or cheap the toy were etc or the party guests (including adults) laughed at the cheap present (a box of coloring pencils) embarrassing the giver. :mad: :rant: :frustrated:


Regardless of the gift, dd always write a thank note to the guests for their presence and presents.

We don't open presents in front of our guests either. I think most people in Singapore don't. But, in the US, where we were living for a bit, it's different. You're expected to open the gifts in front of your guests. We didn't know about this custom until after our son's birthday party. One parent commented to me that she thought it was an 'interesting move' not to open the presents at the party. I was quite puzzled by her comment and later realized that we had made a social boo-boo! :oops:

But I really don't like the practice. And I decided not to care about it.

[verykiasu2010]

interesting exchanges


agree with markfch that it is a teaching moment on many fronts :

1. is the thought that count

2. the giver may have no other thing to give and have no idea of alternative

3. many be the girl’s mother disallow her to ‘waste time’ making stuff ?

4. may be the gift was the idea from the girl’s mother ?

5. may be they genuinely have different ‘value system’ in gift giving


it is not what has been given

it is how you perceive the gift and the giver, and your own value system

it more more blessed to give (throw the party) than to receive (whatever is the gift)

others do not take advantage of you unless you decide it is so

[kiddo]

ksi:

kiddo, 万岁, this is not targetted at you just that it triggers some food for thoughts from me.... otherwise later enunch lee will come look for me...

btw kiddo, giving birthday presents is NOT a western thing at all. In China, the culture has been BIG in presents eversince every dynasty. If you look at the dynasty you are in, the Qing, you will see that presents are given in every birthday situation....and for the poor, the present from parents to the children would be the longevity noodles or some hand-sewn clothes or shoes. The concept of presents is like a blessing.

Yes Madam :salute: where is niang niang present

verykiasu2010:

interesting exchanges
5. may be they genuinely have different 'value system' in gift giving
it is not what has been given
it is how you perceive the gift and the giver, and your own value system
it more more blessed to give (throw the party) than to receive (whatever is the gift)
others do not take advantage of you unless you decide it is so

verykiasu2010,

my lorlilorso post u sum it up in simple terms for me :hi5:

[vlim]

Strparent:

Hello Sall,


firstly, I am shocked by some inappropriate suggestions, probably in the heat of the moment.

IMHO, do consider the comments of the below wise advice. :oops:

Chenonceau:

Hey people... there could be another perspective to this

markfch:

This is what I call a teachable moment. What do you want your dd to learn from this experience. Be hard and throw back the 'gift'? Show tolerance and forget about it? Or show
magnanimity and continue to invite in future? Come on sall, this is such an excellent mum-to-dd sharing moment. Don't waste it.

daisyt:

Sall, it is a good decision of yr dd to put aside this matter. I am sure her objective of throwing a birthday party is not about the gifts, more of sharing the good moments with her friends.

from the girl's actions ( leaving first, giving present just before ), you can tell that she is also embarassed about the present, she did not want to impose herself longer at the birthday party. As Chenoceau said, it is probably not her fault, who does not want to look generous and give a nice gift to look good ? Maybe her parents forgot to buy a gift, and she scrambled to get a last minute grab of some old things together ? It is a bad choice, but isn't it all about the thought that counts ?

The fact that she and your DD gets along very well, and that your DD prefers to forget it and not make it an issue, means your DD is mature
enough to recognise that friendship is more important than an ill-thought present. Kudos to yr DD :rahrah: This is probably what Markfch meant by showing tolerance and magnanimity. :roll:

And Daisyt said it best - the purpose of the party was not the gifts from guest. It was to celebrate and allow yr DD to enjoy her day WITH her friends, those ppl she enjoy her time in school with mainly. Don't spoil her occasion because of one un-wanted present. Months down the road, most of
the presents ( good or bad ) will be forgotten and thrown in the storeroom or trash, BUT the friendship and daily play, fun and cooperation amongst classmates will still be there to cherish.

I sincerely hope nobody really consider throwing back the gift at the girl or making a big deal of it back in school with the rest of the classmates. :slapshead: The consequence of that girl being humiliated and ridiculed may be devastating for a young child that age. Even if one really thinks giving that present makes her 'wrong', it is imperative to remember that two wrongs never ever make one Right.

Best is like what Markfch said, use this opportunity to impart onto yr DD the virtue of being magnanimous and not being material-based in terms of friendship priority.

:goodpost: :salute:

[CloudeeDaz]

verykiasu2010:

others do not take advantage of you unless you decide it is so

i like this ...

[carebear]

I asked my 12 year old DD whether she has encountered a similar situation and surprisingly she said yes!

My kids have small private informal birthday parties where they invite close friends over for a simple meal.
My DD said due to time constraints, some friends are unable to buy the present on time, so they give her their old ones, but they will inform her beforehand and if she does not like it, she can return to them and they will buy her a new one at a convenient time.