How to work with children with aggressive tendencies

[mintcc]

My boy also use to play rough…What works for us is a combination :


1. Firmly take his hand and stop him from hitting and tell him that it hurts and I don’t like it when he does it.

2. Show him how to play gently. e.g. when the other party is another kid Show him that e.g. patting is okay but not hitting.

3. Use a toy to tell a story playing out the scenario on what is not right and what is right. e.g. the teddy bear hit the doll, doll toy cries and say pain, pain. Teddy bear apoogise and hug the doll, saying I will play gently from now on.

good luck. it might take a while but they will slowly grow out of it if they are shown how to play nicely.

[apple79]

Thanks Mincy,


sometimes it really ignite the bomb in me and I just flare up.

I hope its just a stage that she will grow out of

[schellen]

Hi! There's a similar topic here: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3920


Maybe it'll provide more answers?

[Kathong]

Hi there, can someone help me out…?


My son is 3 yrs 6 mths. Recently, he has been very aggressives at home, at grandparents place but ok in school. He will shout for things that he wants, cry aloud and throw trantrum. He even beat whoever that tries to calm him down from all this nonsense. The situation ended up with me angry, scolding and beat him at his hand or leg.

I know the logic that i should not beat him for beating others. But, i think this is the only way to stop him for doing so. My hubby mentioned abt canning him. But i dun think is a good idea. i think tit wil hurt him physically and emotionally.

Pls help…

[radiantmum]

Some tips - hope they work for you


1. He needs to know that he doesn’t get his way by being agressive.
2. Parents need to be total calm when he demonstrates such behaviour
3. If at home, tell him firmly that he can continue doing that (aggressive) and get nowhere or he calm down and you will pay full attention to him
4. For younger kids whom can’t reason with you yet, best is to distract them then when calm down, reinforce that the earlier behaviour is wrong

If he’s demonstrating a diffferent behaviour home and school, it’s probably a clear indication that he understands that he knows it’s wrong but he will still do it at home 'cos that is how he gets his way.

[schellen]

My DD used to act like a spoilt kid with her grandparents but not with us. My mother would complain to me and I think my PILs also implied that she was also like that with them. DH and I happily told them that we seldom had such problems since we were strict with her from the start. Gradually, our parents learned the "hard" way and stopped giving in to her tantrums. Eventually, my DD got the message and has behaved herself ever since. Of course, she has her "off" days but since they are not frequent, we remind her firmly that we do not accept such behaviour. She may sulk but she will eventually come to us to apologise and we’ll forgive her and put the matter behind us.

[david59]

Kathong:

Hi there, can someone help me out...?


My son is 3 yrs 6 mths. Recently, he has been very aggressives at home, at grandparents place but ok in school. He will shout for things that he wants, cry aloud and throw trantrum. He even beat whoever that tries to calm him down from all this nonsense. The situation ended up with me angry, scolding and beat him at his hand or leg.

I know the logic that i should not beat him for beating others. But, i think this is the only way to stop him for doing so. My hubby mentioned abt canning him. But i dun think is a good idea. i think tit wil hurt him physically and emotionally.

Pls help...

To begin with, it is very crucial that both father and mum must sing the same tune when disciplining a child. Otherwise, he might turn one against the other if you know what I mean.
A child behaves better in school because it is not his territory and there is the fear of shame when being punished.

Personally, my wife and I do not use our hands to punish as it should be use to show affection. A good slap on the hand is perhaps OK (jmho) when called for immediate response to an ugly situation.But never on the face.

We personally believe in the 'Cane' for up to the age of 10. But it is used sparingly, only for really bad things a child did. Many young parents do not agree, they see this as child abuse. I think the important thing is which method/s work best. We cane our elder daughter really hard once when she was in K2 despite much reasoning about her defiant behavior over an incident. From then onwards, she and her young sis always thought twice before thinking of doing something bad.
BUT OF COURSE, THE KID MUST KNOW YOU LOVE HER VERY DEARLY! Otherwise, we lose the authority to discipline them.

I recommend that you read a book by James Dobson entitled 'Dare to Discipline'. His premise is that you can break the will of the child but must never break his spirit. It means you can punish a child for stubornly defying authority but you must never shame him or put him down; esp in front of the public. I wish I could share more but it will be too long-winded.

[smurf]

totally agree wth u. but hor, easier said than done. sometimes, when u r mad, u would think of nothing except anger. :stupid:

[hquek]

Yup, I the book recommended by David59 by James Dobson very instructive.


For parents who may not know, he’s a Christian and his books veer towards Christianity. BTW, I borrowed those from library.

A fren uses a wooden spoon to beat her child’s hand when she’s naughty - just a tap on the hand will result in pain for the child (but no lasting damage). She doesn’t believe in using hands to beat, and apparently caning may cause hurt further than intended.

[schellen]

smurf:

totally agree wth u. but hor, easier said than done. sometimes, when u r mad, u would think of nothing except anger. :stupid:

That's when we need to manage our own anger as well. If we can set a good example for anger management, it will help our children to manage their anger and aggressiveness.