How to work with children with aggressive tendencies

[Skippy]

Hi Sunset_dae,

I agree with Estertan’s approach which is what we need to do more often with our kids. Remember your child will role model you. If you beat to get results, he will bet to get results too!

Sounds like if it is happening at home that he is wanting your attention and is displaying being ‘jealous’ of another child coming over to join you i.e. your sister’s child. This is common. If he is too young to chat with about it, be aware when the next visit takes place and stay close to your child e.g. hold his hand and if he pulls away keep him close to you and together you can go up and say hello to his cousin. Maybe give him something to give to his cousin as a gift e.g. a lollypop for him and one for his cousin. If he strikes out, block his hand and say "No hitting". If he is old enough, tell him in advance (20 minutes before) that his cousin (name) is coming over or we are going over to play with cousin(name). Tell him that hitting is not allowed and it will make you sad/unhappy if he does this. Tell him the consequence for hitting if you have set a boundary for this. Children understand a lot more than we give them credit for. "When you hit your cousin it makes your cousin very sad as she wants to play with you, if you continue to do this you will have to play on your own".

Children need time to get used to another child being around if they are the only child. They will automatically want to hold the attention. There is always a reason for a child’s behaviour and hitting is not the answer to their needs. It is a quick fix. It stops them once, but next time the same thing may happen.

Hope this helps!
Skippy

[kaydenbrown]

It is important to have good communication with the child to ensure that the child gets the message.

[tankee]

I believe that young children copy their parents' behaviour - both goods and the bads.


Explain clamly why his \\ her behaviour is not desireable and what is the corret behaviour. And STOP hitting the child and he \\ she will stop hitting others.

[apple79]

[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]


My 19 mth old will hit and pull another person hair when she gets excited and all. But actually all she wants to do is to play with that person and she thinks the other party is playing with her too.....

How can I stop her? Hubby likes to beat her hand when she does that but no effect.

I tried telling her to touch nicely and not to hit cos the other party will feel the pain but i doubt she gets what I mean cos the next moment she does it again.

Any idea what I can do?

[mintcc]

My boy also use to play rough…What works for us is a combination :


1. Firmly take his hand and stop him from hitting and tell him that it hurts and I don’t like it when he does it.

2. Show him how to play gently. e.g. when the other party is another kid Show him that e.g. patting is okay but not hitting.

3. Use a toy to tell a story playing out the scenario on what is not right and what is right. e.g. the teddy bear hit the doll, doll toy cries and say pain, pain. Teddy bear apoogise and hug the doll, saying I will play gently from now on.

good luck. it might take a while but they will slowly grow out of it if they are shown how to play nicely.

[apple79]

Thanks Mincy,


sometimes it really ignite the bomb in me and I just flare up.

I hope its just a stage that she will grow out of

[schellen]

Hi! There's a similar topic here: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3920


Maybe it'll provide more answers?

[Kathong]

Hi there, can someone help me out…?


My son is 3 yrs 6 mths. Recently, he has been very aggressives at home, at grandparents place but ok in school. He will shout for things that he wants, cry aloud and throw trantrum. He even beat whoever that tries to calm him down from all this nonsense. The situation ended up with me angry, scolding and beat him at his hand or leg.

I know the logic that i should not beat him for beating others. But, i think this is the only way to stop him for doing so. My hubby mentioned abt canning him. But i dun think is a good idea. i think tit wil hurt him physically and emotionally.

Pls help…

[radiantmum]

Some tips - hope they work for you


1. He needs to know that he doesn’t get his way by being agressive.
2. Parents need to be total calm when he demonstrates such behaviour
3. If at home, tell him firmly that he can continue doing that (aggressive) and get nowhere or he calm down and you will pay full attention to him
4. For younger kids whom can’t reason with you yet, best is to distract them then when calm down, reinforce that the earlier behaviour is wrong

If he’s demonstrating a diffferent behaviour home and school, it’s probably a clear indication that he understands that he knows it’s wrong but he will still do it at home 'cos that is how he gets his way.

[schellen]

My DD used to act like a spoilt kid with her grandparents but not with us. My mother would complain to me and I think my PILs also implied that she was also like that with them. DH and I happily told them that we seldom had such problems since we were strict with her from the start. Gradually, our parents learned the "hard" way and stopped giving in to her tantrums. Eventually, my DD got the message and has behaved herself ever since. Of course, she has her "off" days but since they are not frequent, we remind her firmly that we do not accept such behaviour. She may sulk but she will eventually come to us to apologise and we’ll forgive her and put the matter behind us.