How to work with children with aggressive tendencies

[sunset_dae]

Original Title: Child beating behaviour


Can anyone advise me how to control the \"beating\" behaviour of a child?
Each time my child see his cousin, he get so excited and push him down the floor or he will also beat him. we have tld him several times not to do it, but he just ignored us. sometime Im so angry with him for pushing my nephew and hutting him and I end up beating him also.
he stopped doing that when i beat him.
I ask him childcare teacher has he been fighting with his classmates, the teacher say he is behaving well in school. Most of the time, he doesnt fight or push his classmates.

[yendirna]

Hmmm, Yes i beat my kids too. It works for whatever i want them to stop. They know i will beat them so they become aware of how much they can push themselves in whatever tempted things they are doing. But they know i love them and i am not afraid to show that. As the eldest gets older i just feel there is no need anymore.

[EstherTan]

You can try this with them about the pushing… I did this my friend’s son who was over enthusiastic with my girl and ended up pushing her down a few times when she was trying to run after him or get up from the floor. (I know he didn’t mean it all those times, he was trying to help and was too fast for the girl)


I bent down and told him that because meimei is smaller and still very unstable, she does things slower and needs his help to be patient with her and take care of her. I also told him because she’s smaller and lighter than him he doesn’t need to use a lot of strength with her. Seemed to work, and the 2 played very well after that.

Hope this helps!

[Skippy]

Hi Sunset_dae,

I agree with Estertan’s approach which is what we need to do more often with our kids. Remember your child will role model you. If you beat to get results, he will bet to get results too!

Sounds like if it is happening at home that he is wanting your attention and is displaying being ‘jealous’ of another child coming over to join you i.e. your sister’s child. This is common. If he is too young to chat with about it, be aware when the next visit takes place and stay close to your child e.g. hold his hand and if he pulls away keep him close to you and together you can go up and say hello to his cousin. Maybe give him something to give to his cousin as a gift e.g. a lollypop for him and one for his cousin. If he strikes out, block his hand and say "No hitting". If he is old enough, tell him in advance (20 minutes before) that his cousin (name) is coming over or we are going over to play with cousin(name). Tell him that hitting is not allowed and it will make you sad/unhappy if he does this. Tell him the consequence for hitting if you have set a boundary for this. Children understand a lot more than we give them credit for. "When you hit your cousin it makes your cousin very sad as she wants to play with you, if you continue to do this you will have to play on your own".

Children need time to get used to another child being around if they are the only child. They will automatically want to hold the attention. There is always a reason for a child’s behaviour and hitting is not the answer to their needs. It is a quick fix. It stops them once, but next time the same thing may happen.

Hope this helps!
Skippy

[kaydenbrown]

It is important to have good communication with the child to ensure that the child gets the message.

[tankee]

I believe that young children copy their parents' behaviour - both goods and the bads.


Explain clamly why his \\ her behaviour is not desireable and what is the corret behaviour. And STOP hitting the child and he \\ she will stop hitting others.

[apple79]

[Moderator's note: Topics merged.]


My 19 mth old will hit and pull another person hair when she gets excited and all. But actually all she wants to do is to play with that person and she thinks the other party is playing with her too.....

How can I stop her? Hubby likes to beat her hand when she does that but no effect.

I tried telling her to touch nicely and not to hit cos the other party will feel the pain but i doubt she gets what I mean cos the next moment she does it again.

Any idea what I can do?

[mintcc]

My boy also use to play rough…What works for us is a combination :


1. Firmly take his hand and stop him from hitting and tell him that it hurts and I don’t like it when he does it.

2. Show him how to play gently. e.g. when the other party is another kid Show him that e.g. patting is okay but not hitting.

3. Use a toy to tell a story playing out the scenario on what is not right and what is right. e.g. the teddy bear hit the doll, doll toy cries and say pain, pain. Teddy bear apoogise and hug the doll, saying I will play gently from now on.

good luck. it might take a while but they will slowly grow out of it if they are shown how to play nicely.

[apple79]

Thanks Mincy,


sometimes it really ignite the bomb in me and I just flare up.

I hope its just a stage that she will grow out of

[schellen]

Hi! There's a similar topic here: http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3920


Maybe it'll provide more answers?