In-law problems?
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janet, your BIL sounds like my BIL (DH’s younger brother) type - self centred, spendthrift, materialistic and with a big attitude. He always passed sarcastic remarks to me and DH when we meet at family gatherings. And when my dad passed away earlier this year, he and his wife didn’t even bother to come to the wake, or send a word of condolence. My MIL did not even lecture him for such rude improper behavior…She spoilt him and condoned his bad behavior, Really made me feel super sian to have such in-laws…thank God DH is NOT at all like his brother.
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Angelight:
janet, your BIL sounds like my BIL (DH's younger brother) type - self centred, spendthrift, materialistic and with a big attitude. He always passed sarcastic remarks to me and DH when we meet at family gatherings. And when my dad passed away earlier this year, he and his wife didn't even bother to come to the wake, or send a word of condolence. My MIL did not even lecture him for such rude improper behavior...She spoilt him and condoned his bad behavior, Really made me feel super sian to have such in-laws...thank God DH is NOT at all like his brother.
Hi Angelight,
I dont't mince my words when I tell hubby about his idiotic selfish brother. He is nice to someone (for eg my hubby) with an ulterior motive. Even though my hubby is blood-thicker-than-water type, I still had to tell him that. Like yours, that person is a SPENDTHRIFT too...he alone has 2 or 3 mobile plans, buy latest electronic gadgets, Iphone, Ipad etc etc. I always ask my hubby whether his brother has several mistresses to own 3 mobile plans. Naturally that mother of his is the root of such bad character...she spoils him. What to do, he gives $500 every month. -
Hi, it been sensitive or what. I am not in a good terms with my sister in law. Everytime my In laws went out with my sil & her husband. They will act very secretive afraid that we will want to follow. But Me & my husband are not interested to go. Even my mil or fil birthday, they will also secretly celebrate for my mil or fil bd. The best part is although we are not in a good terms, she purposely stay in the same block with me. If she really want to stay near her parent, she can ask her parent to stay with her. She will act friendly to me infront of her parent & my hubby, when they are not around. she also totally ignore me. She also blocked me from the facebook. She is always interested of where we go. But when it come to her matter, she will act secretive, even she pregnant, she was like afraid that we will know.
She can really act very well until the whole family think I am the bad guy. -
garam:
Hi! Garam,Hi, it been sensitive or what. I am not in a good terms with my sister in law. Everytime my In laws went out with my sil & her husband. They will act very secretive afraid that we will want to follow. But Me & my husband are not interested to go. Even my mil or fil birthday, they will also secretly celebrate for my mil or fil bd. The best part is although we are not in a good terms, she purposely stay in the same block with me. If she really want to stay near her parent, she can ask her parent to stay with her. She will act friendly to me infront of her parent & my hubby, when they are not around. she also totally ignore me. She also blocked me from the facebook. She is always interested of where we go. But when it come to her matter, she will act secretive, even she pregnant, she was like afraid that we will know.
She can really act very well until the whole family think I am the bad guy.
I can understand how you feel about your SIL. Me too also had two SILs like that too. Always keen to know about our daily life things. But we are not supposed to know theirs nor asked about it. As if i have infringed their privacy. They will either quickly change topic or acted deaf. But on the other hand, they are always very interested on my personal life so the whole family includng their doting parents will comment and mock me at my back. . One of them, even when married also din tell us where her HDB flat was and wasnt invited to her luxury renovated flat. When i asked MIL about it, she remained silent. So we decided not to buy her any gift for her new flat. It was after she gave birth and invited us to her baby full month party then we knew where her flat was. Of coz, we did not turn up. What for? After sometimes, i also behave the same towards them, acted deaf too when i dun feel to answer any their query. Same too, one of SIL will also acted very nice towards me in presence of PILs, then another \"face\" when i am alone with her and talked rudely to me. Oh my PILs had always thought their daughter is an \"Angel\".
I believe all these stem from how a mother taught her children how to behave and respect ppl. Coz my MIL is also the same attitude too. Mine one she wants to knows whereas her daughters' matters, she double wrapped and locked in her secret chestbox. Why?? coz they always ill comment and mock me at my back so the whole family also think same that i will mock them in return if i knew too much. -
HI!
Theres this issue has been in my mind for quite sometimes, is regarding CNY reunion dinner. I wasnt sure whether should i let my two year plus daughter turn up at this coming CNY Re dinner? Coz i really cant get along with one of SIL, the unmarried one. She even go around and tell ppl that she dun take me as her elder SIL. For the dinner, i already told my DH that i will give it a miss coz i do not want to see that single and available SIL"black face". But i really in a dilemma on shall my girl attend? coz it breaks my heart, i know that my PILs will make my girl call her "gu gu" . why my girl has to call her "gu gu" when this "gu gu" has nvr once respect me and even not long ago annouced that the mother is not part of the family?? My DH , i know will just sit there watch TV and let my precious girl go round and call her and say "happy new year" to her. How can one expect a junior to respect her, where she has never showed respect for my DH which is her elder bro and me?? Help… -
garam:
garam, I would said some people are weird! My SIL's family also like that, it has been 4 years since I last saw the family as a whole. Not to mentioned her last birth (3rd kid), since born until now 3years+ i also never met b4 not even a photo. I only saw my nieces twice when they were sick and no choice send to my MIL's place to ask my MIL to takecare. Even my MIL was very secretive about their movement and going over to their place. Hence, I learnt not to ask about their family since most answer from MIL is dunno, never seen them for long time. U believe? But the gifts to them will disappear automatically if u do not see them how to pass it to them? So I hack care lor, just remember to get the birthday gifts for the kids during that month and pass it to my MIL will do, then I considered my part done.Hi, it been sensitive or what. I am not in a good terms with my sister in law. Everytime my In laws went out with my sil & her husband. They will act very secretive afraid that we will want to follow. But Me & my husband are not interested to go. Even my mil or fil birthday, they will also secretly celebrate for my mil or fil bd. The best part is although we are not in a good terms, she purposely stay in the same block with me. If she really want to stay near her parent, she can ask her parent to stay with her. She will act friendly to me infront of her parent & my hubby, when they are not around. she also totally ignore me. She also blocked me from the facebook. She is always interested of where we go. But when it come to her matter, she will act secretive, even she pregnant, she was like afraid that we will know.
She can really act very well until the whole family think I am the bad guy. -
ningning:
Ningning,HI!
Theres this issue has been in my mind for quite sometimes, is regarding CNY reunion dinner. I wasnt sure whether should i let my two year plus daughter turn up at this coming CNY Re dinner? Coz i really cant get along with one of SIL, the unmarried one. She even go around and tell ppl that she dun take me as her elder SIL. For the dinner, i already told my DH that i will give it a miss coz i do not want to see that single and available SIL\"black face\". But i really in a dilemma on shall my girl attend? coz it breaks my heart, i know that my PILs will make my girl call her \"gu gu\" . why my girl has to call her \"gu gu\" when this \"gu gu\" has nvr once respect me and even not long ago annouced that the mother is not part of the family?? My DH , i know will just sit there watch TV and let my precious girl go round and call her and say \"happy new year\" to her. How can one expect a junior to respect her, where she has never showed respect for my DH which is her elder bro and me?? Help......
if uncomfortable then dun let ur gal go lor. Just explain to your hubby and get his support. Afterall when he is there he also does not take care of ur gal. For safety reason keep ur gal at home with u or to ur parent's place fore reunion dinner. -
maybe if you stop giving out birthday gifts, they might appear to remind you.
if mil ask why no presents, just say "oh, never seen them so cant remember how old they are and so didnt get any". -
LOLMum:
Think 2 years ago I got the girls some dresses from our vacation trip. The reply came back is the elder one dress is going to be too small liao. My replied then was, I last saw them they small built wat.. grow so fast liao huh? No one tell me what's their built.maybe if you stop giving out birthday gifts, they might appear to remind you.
if mil ask why no presents, just say \"oh, never seen them so cant remember how old they are and so didnt get any\".
Think if on the road, my son and his cousins would never recognize each other. Told my son, he like no cousins but nevermind, my cousins' kid are his cousins too. hehe -
Never be the one to prevent your spouse or your children from spending time with your PILs.
FIL just passed away and DH is now filled with regrets. He regrets that he did not spend more time with PILs. He regrets that he did not make and effort to bring the kids to meet up with PILs more. He regrets that he never included PILs in any of our family holidays. Seeing DH struggling with his regrets and guilt is painful. And much as he does not want his own regrets to affect us, it is starting to cast a shadow on our lives.
I have never stopped DH from spending time with PILs and I have tried to include them in all family gatherings. Though I never initiated any holidays with them, I have never stopped DH from asking them along.
You may not be totally involved in your IL’s lives and activities and celebrations and such, you may even exclude yourself for whatever reasons. But never ever be the one to prevent your spouse from spending time with his/her parents
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