What should I do?

[tutormum]

phtthp:

sorry if i sidetrack a bit ...


i learnt this trade from my Auntie. Last time she got 6 kids.
40 yrs ago, it's common for familes to give birth to, at least half a dozen kids. Some families even got > 10 kids.

my aunt was a primary school teacher in SG, without maid. 40 yrs ago, maid concept not popular. My Uncle is a Malaysian - stay there, work there in Malaysia. Come back like every 3 to 6 months kind. My aunt all alone in SG. She got to feed her 6 kids, cook for them, educate them in schoolwork after she come home, after a very long tiring teaching day in school.

curious, i asked her ... how she managed to bring up 6 kids singlehandedly ? Cooking so tiring. After cooking, still got to wash dirty plates, besides giving home tuition to each of the 6 kids - all aged 1 yr apart, aged 11 to 6. Every year, her stomach big big

my aunt replied ...
everyday Mon - Fri, she has to leave her home latest 6.45 am, reach school 7.15 am to sing 'mari kitah', with all the primary school kids.

means everyday she wake up 4.15 am. She plan the food menu 1 week in advance first. Every night before she sleeps, past midnight, she will take out the food from fridge, defrost food, wash all vegetables, then go to sleep.

everyday she wake up around 4.15 am, quickly wash & peel all vegetables quickly. Separate out main stalk from leaves. She said with 6 hungry kids growing up fast, everyday eat > 1 kg of spinach, or kangkong, or xiao bai cai, kai lan.

for chicken stock, every Sunday she goes wet market, buy > 1 kg of soft bones + some meat. Come home prepare chicken stock for entire week supply. Then separate out into small containers, put inside fridge. If Tues, some kid wants to eat noodle, then chicken stock is ready.

she said soup - 3x per week. Either 'si yang cai' tang, or 'lao wang gua' tang, or 'lian ou' tang, or black bean soup, 'or apple / pear' soup. She said last time dun know how to boil soup, so go bookstore, check up recipes on confinement women type of soup, or simple home cooked soup recipes (Cantonese soup). Come home trial and error. If soup not tasty after feedback by kids, then improvise somehow.

she said steam food healthy, not fried food. She said in a week - 3x per week steam fish - steam sea bass, steam garoupa (cooked in teochew style), steam codfish (add some brocoli inside), steam 'mai you you' (Cantonese) buy the tail part no bones, or steam any fish cooked in Nonya style gravy.

she said besides steam fish, can also steam minced pork meat, steam egg, or steam some vegetables. Then she'll pack her fridge with pao. In case hungry, kids can steam tao sa pao, lian rong pao, etc on their own, to eat.

every 2 weeks, she'll cook Curry Fish head at home on weekend.
but she said - every dinner must have 1 soup, either 1 fish or chicken, 1 vegetable. Good enuf!

for education, i asked her - how you coach them ?
she said made 6 kids sit together like in classroom style - 3 in one row, 3 on opposite row. Apply the same classroom style in school back at home. Same thing! She said give 1st child some reading exercise, 2nd child handwriting exercise, 3rd child Maths exercise, 4th child Chinese exercise, 5th child English exercise ... concurrently. i really dun know how she manage. But she said, sometimes the older ones also help chip in coach the younger, slower ones.

after sloughing for so many years as a primary school teacher, now she's on pension scheme, retired. Her hardwork has paid offf. Besides govt giving her attractive pension allowance, her 6 kids all grown up now, also give her monthly allowance. So, she got extra 6 'water tap' every month. She keep the $ - dun know what to do, so go on holidays with her friends, every half yr. Her life is 'xian koo hou tian'. (means: beginning tough, hardworking, slot like mad, but later part of her life - become sweeter, reap rewards)

:salute: :salute: :salute: :salute: Your aunt is one great woman. Easily can win the greatest mum award. “ Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” Proverbs 31:29

[pinky]

pinky:

I heard that the daughter is staying in one of her sibling's place and sharing a room with one of the daughters. I will still need to be on my toes bec if the girls cannot get along, the arrow may come back to me again :mad: :mad: :mad:

OMG, just as expected, the mother recently whined and sighed that the girl was asked to leave for some reasons and she really need to settle down to prepare for her prelim exam.
She even asked my husband how much rental for a room near my place
(very strong hint :evil: ) but as I was sitting next to him, he didnt answer her.
What the hell, what is wrong with travelling for 1 hour from her own home to school ('she needs to sleep longer', 'bus/train so crowded', 'she
needs more time to study and not travelling') when many kids are taking even longer time and more trouble than her?? :mad: :mad: :mad: and
why not settle in her own house to study????
really cannot tahan both of them and seems like another confrontation
with my husband is expected again :stupid: :stupid: xyz@%#!?:!!
Anyway, my son's SA2 starts this week till mid Oct and his O level MT in Nov so I am going to focus on him than wasting my time on those 2.

[phtthp]

Stand firm.


tell yr husband dun let his sister come and disturb your son during his O level preparation.

[bobonana]

Hi Pinky, I think another point you need to consider besides the inconvenience is the fact that 2 young adults of the opposite sex are staying under one room, think of the inconvenience.


I have heard of cousins having sexual relationships with one another.
You might want to mention this to your IH or your SIL, imagine incest in the family.

But than again if your niece is ugly than nothing to worry about.

[dolphinsiah]

tutormum:

phtthp:

sorry if i sidetrack a bit ...


i learnt this trade from my Auntie. Last time she got 6 kids.
40 yrs ago, it's common for familes to give birth to, at least half a dozen kids. Some families even got > 10 kids.

my aunt was a primary school teacher in SG, without maid. 40 yrs ago, maid concept not popular. My Uncle is a Malaysian - stay there, work there in Malaysia. Come back like every 3 to 6 months kind. My aunt all alone in SG. She got to feed her 6 kids, cook for them, educate them in schoolwork after she come home, after a very long tiring teaching day in school.

curious, i asked her ... how she managed to bring up 6 kids singlehandedly ? Cooking so tiring. After cooking, still got to wash dirty plates, besides giving home tuition to each of the 6 kids - all aged 1 yr apart, aged 11 to 6. Every year, her stomach big big

my aunt replied ...
everyday Mon - Fri, she has to leave her home latest 6.45 am, reach school 7.15 am to sing 'mari kitah', with all the primary school kids.

means everyday she wake up 4.15 am. She plan the food menu 1 week in advance first. Every night before she sleeps, past midnight, she will take out the food from fridge, defrost food, wash all vegetables, then go to sleep.

everyday she wake up around 4.15 am, quickly wash & peel all vegetables quickly. Separate out main stalk from leaves. She said with 6 hungry kids growing up fast, everyday eat > 1 kg of spinach, or kangkong, or xiao bai cai, kai lan.

for chicken stock, every Sunday she goes wet market, buy > 1 kg of soft bones + some meat. Come home prepare chicken stock for entire week supply. Then separate out into small containers, put inside fridge. If Tues, some kid wants to eat noodle, then chicken stock is ready.

she said soup - 3x per week. Either 'si yang cai' tang, or 'lao wang gua' tang, or 'lian ou' tang, or black bean soup, 'or apple / pear' soup. She said last time dun know how to boil soup, so go bookstore, check up recipes on confinement women type of soup, or simple home cooked soup recipes (Cantonese soup). Come home trial and error. If soup not tasty after feedback by kids, then improvise somehow.

she said steam food healthy, not fried food. She said in a week - 3x per week steam fish - steam sea bass, steam garoupa (cooked in teochew style), steam codfish (add some brocoli inside), steam 'mai you you' (Cantonese) buy the tail part no bones, or steam any fish cooked in Nonya style gravy.

she said besides steam fish, can also steam minced pork meat, steam egg, or steam some vegetables. Then she'll pack her fridge with pao. In case hungry, kids can steam tao sa pao, lian rong pao, etc on their own, to eat.

every 2 weeks, she'll cook Curry Fish head at home on weekend.
but she said - every dinner must have 1 soup, either 1 fish or chicken, 1 vegetable. Good enuf!

for education, i asked her - how you coach them ?
she said made 6 kids sit together like in classroom style - 3 in one row, 3 on opposite row. Apply the same classroom style in school back at home. Same thing! She said give 1st child some reading exercise, 2nd child handwriting exercise, 3rd child Maths exercise, 4th child Chinese exercise, 5th child English exercise ... concurrently. i really dun know how she manage. But she said, sometimes the older ones also help chip in coach the younger, slower ones.

after sloughing for so many years as a primary school teacher, now she's on pension scheme, retired. Her hardwork has paid offf. Besides govt giving her attractive pension allowance, her 6 kids all grown up now, also give her monthly allowance. So, she got extra 6 'water tap' every month. She keep the $ - dun know what to do, so go on holidays with her friends, every half yr. Her life is 'xian koo hou tian'. (means: beginning tough, hardworking, slot like mad, but later part of her life - become sweeter, reap rewards)

:salute: :salute: :salute: :salute: Your aunt is one great woman. Easily can win the greatest mum award. “ Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” Proverbs 31:29

I would also like to comment this lady on how she raised her kids in the 70s...I guess life in the 70s is not so complicated...kids are much more naive...no internet...no email ...no phone...
Education was not so demanding, no tution...no enrichment..kids reached home by 1pm
So go home can concentrate on raising the kids....

YEs, she is a great mother and also a lucky one that all her kids are so filial to her and she is aging healthy... :congrats:

:gloomy: Now I am a Widow also in the 40s...have to raise my kids like her ...but I do not think I will be as fortunate as her when my kids are independent...

I think I will grow old with mental stress and health problem...and a poor mom... :scared:
Kids nowadays ...where will support you when you grow old....it will be lucky if they are able to find a job and get a home...and not to rely on you.... :sad:

This is life in the 21st Century...very Stressful... :imdrowning:

[buds]

I just read some bits on the discussion here. This is useful in case well.. something similarly unexpected happens to me.. .. read = ILs... .. at least i can pre-empt after reading the sharings here. Soooo... looks like i gotta go find that luggage bag huh? Like pinky, my hubs is also the-never-say-no-even-if-say-no-will-still-go-out-of-the-way-to-try-help-somehow-even-if-reali-beyond-help-kind.. (when it comes to his side of the family). So, if the discussion spirals into... i'm a husband and father to you/our family but also still a son to my own... :nailbite: .... ermm... how... any help with this?


Btw pinky.. like the other forummers who have shared.. i too don't think it is at all a good idea to have your niece in your home for you to so call nurture and supervise. Wild child types are beyond supervision and nurturing. I dread the day if i had to take my youngest BIL in. He's a total spoilt brat and NEVER listens.. i repeat.. NEVER. :roll: It's annoying... and definitely a horrible example to my children whom i've quit my job to soo painfully carefully lovingly raise... :sad: AND he smokes. Like A LOT! :mad: Stinks.

Or if they suggest like a trial period...? :roll:
So if let's say bu gao xing can i shove the bugger back out?
Like ermmm... terms and conditions apply? In fine print? :evil:

[pinky]

the girl is now back with her mother after being asked to leave by her uncle (reasons I dun bother to know). My husband must have got wind about the reasons so now never mention the matter again. So buds, pls be firm about that smoker BIL, tell your husband no way you let your kids expose to such negative influence. No such thing as trial period bec he might just sink his roots and refuse to budge once you let him come in.

[sall]

So pinky, now you can have a very happy new year.

[phtthp]

yes buds, dun let yr BIL into yr house.


once BIL smoke and yr kids see him smoking - when they grow up, yr kids think is ok to smoke bec uncle himself smoke... then yr kids start smoking... never let bad habit enter yr hse. Ask yr husb to think of the negative influence & impact / bad consequences on yr kids impression as they grow up.

pinky, wishing you a HAPPY New Year !!!

[pinky]

thank you sall and phtthp and all the best for the new year too.


Now another problem cropped up - both mother and daughter are happy shopping and charging to the supplementary card from my husband. Actually this SIL has been doing this for about 2 years+ and sometimes she will pay a portion of the money to my husband but many times, she will act blur and left to my husband to settle the bill. :stompfeet: :mad: :mad: After this incident (daughter not allowed
to stay with us), she seemed to be on a shopping spree, just last month she charged about $2000 for facial package and only paid $1200 to my
husband. He is now :slapshead: :stompfeet: also (finally) and asking
her if she really know how much she is spending. Until now, her unpaid
debts to him is already close to $8000 over a 2 years period and despite
telling him about this, he is still quite reluctant to get her to pay because
she is a single mother and both kids are still schooling. I told him then the more she should be sensible about spending and save for a rainy day instead of using him as an ATM.. :nunchuk: :nunchuk: