The Big Caning Poll

[tamarind]

deminc,


I wonder how many parents can honestly say that when they cane a child, they are not angry at all ?

workingmom,
Thanks for sharing that article ! I am guilty of shouting at my kids. But shouting is 100 times better than caning and beating. I make sure that I don't say anything shaming or demeaning like \"you are stupid/lazy\" etc. I shout mostly to give instructions like \"Stop doing that now !\" If my boy does not pay attention, I will say \"pay attention !\" loudly, and I do not say things like \"why you take so long to do this...\" or \"why you read this so many times already and you still forget ?\"

I think this type of shouting does no harm to kids.

[david59]

workingmom:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/fashion/22yell.html?_r=3&ref=instapundit


I think more of us are guilty of this than actual physical caning. :oops:

Words can hurt as much as physical caning - I know my girls are more affected by the words we say ... so we as parents have to control ourselves .. which is easier said than done !

Absolute agree. If bcos of a few examples of extreme cases, we cancel out all the positive results of many parents who use the cane rightly, won't this be very sad? So bcos of a few bad teachers who abused their given authority as educators by committing sexual harrassment or intimacy with their students, we should do away with teachers? Bcos nuclear energy can be abused, nuclear power should be totally prohibited? And so on and on we go ...

What I do agree is that all other methods of discipline must be utilised before we resort to caning. I can count together with my wife's fingers, we had not caned our daughters more than the no. of fingers on our hands ( they are now 20 and 17). And they have grown up pretty n fine. :celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate:

[Funz]

I do not have a cane at home. But I am not beyond caning my kids if their behaviour does deteriorate to that extent. When they were younger, up to the age of about 3, they do get some spanking from me or DH but now that they are 4+ & 6+, there has been no need for any form of spanking or caning. I firmly believe that the type of punishment depends on the child’s character and what he/she reponds best to.


As for that NYtimes article, I think that it is getting a bit extreme, first any form of corporal punishment is frowned upon, now, even yelling at a kid is being labelled as the new form of spanking. And in the article, they are talking about raised voices with tones of anger and irritation, not insults and derogatory words. What’s next, even giving ‘the look’ to our kids will be construed as a form of corporal punishment? Are parents not suppose to feel anger or rather it is not right to show anger to a child. No wonder more and more kids need counselling and psychiatric help as they are being raised to deny one of the most basic human emotions. Ok, I digress, that is a whole different argument.

[Eagle-Ladybird]

Fresh perspective on beating your kids, please enjoy


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI&feature=related

[ZacK]

Eagle-Ladybird:

Fresh perspective on beating your kids, please enjoy


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI&feature=related

:rotflmao: This is really funny ... Thanks for sharing

[ZacK]

david59:

And they have grown up into pretty n fine. :celebrate: :celebrate: :celebrate:

I'll cheers to that :celebrate:

[cnimed]

Some parents are very \"good\" with the cane. ie the child already know that if he does xyz, he will get a stroke on his hand/buttock. When the event happen, the punishment is matter-of-fact and followed up with discussion on why the behaviour is wrong.


More parents grab the cane in the heat of the moment and whack to the point when the cane can break. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, the parent miss and the cane lands on the wrong part of the body. The same behaviour may not have garnered the same reaction on another day. This does not send the message to the child that what he does is wrong. Instead it teaches the child to monitor the parent's mood.

I do not think corporeal punishment should be made illegal as in some countries. But if there had been consistent discipline in the day to day, a parent would hardly need to use the cane at all. For me, I will use the cane is used for stealing, lying and bullying, followed by a discussion and the child must have an act of atonement.

Are parents not suppose to feel anger or rather it is not right to show anger to a child. No wonder more and more kids need counselling and psychiatric help as they are being raised to deny one of the most basic human emotions.

This is a very good discussion point. But not to hijack the original thread, I would just like to add that I believe anger is natural and healthy. I tell my child when I'm angry, and why I'm angry. SOmetimes when I'm absolutely furious with him I tell him that I'm talking to him for a while because I'm going to cool off first. So I don't just show him that I\"m angry - I also show him how I cope with the anger. This is because my son has an anger management problem. :oops:

[david59]

deminc:

Some parents are very \"good\" with the cane. ie the child already know that if he does xyz, he will get a stroke on his hand/buttock. When the event happen, the punishment is matter-of-fact and followed up with discussion on why the behaviour is wrong.


More parents grab the cane in the heat of the moment and whack to the point when the cane can break. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, the parent miss and the cane lands on the wrong part of the body. The same behaviour may not have garnered the same reaction on another day. This does not send the message to the child that what he does is wrong. Instead it teaches the child to monitor the parent's mood.

I do not think corporeal punishment should be made illegal as in some countries. But if there had been consistent discipline in the day to day, a parent would hardly need to use the cane at all. For me, I will use the cane is used for stealing, lying and bullying, followed by a discussion and the child must have an act of atonement.

Are parents not suppose to feel anger or rather it is not right to show anger to a child. No wonder more and more kids need counselling and psychiatric help as they are being raised to deny one of the most basic human emotions.

This is a very good discussion point. But not to hijack the original thread, I would just like to add that I believe anger is natural and healthy. I tell my child when I'm angry, and why I'm angry. SOmetimes when I'm absolutely furious with him I tell him that I'm talking to him for a while because I'm going to cool off first. So I don't just show him that I\"m angry - I also show him how I cope with the anger. This is because my son has an anger management problem. :oops:

:salute: You are great.:celebrate:

I totally agree with you.

I find it easier to scold my girls than to cane them actually. Why? Words come out instantly and we think it 'hurt less' lor. But when we had to cane them, it took us greater effort to carry out bcos it hurt us just as much as it would hurt them. We always told them that while they might feel the physical pain, our heart ached with every stroke that hit them.

Perhaps, to help us be more clear when we should use the cane, let us share what offences warrant the administration of the cane. Let me start the ball rolling :

I always reminded myself that caning is only for very serious mischiefs n up to the age of seven.
1. For me, lying is sometimes a spontaneous self-defence reaction to something done. So I will try to find out the reason why the child told the lie. How serious the lie was would then determine what types of punishment to give. Just like the way the court mete out sentences according to the seriousness of the offence. So, for me, caning is for serious lying to hide something really mischievous that the child did.

2. Caning for a kid's persistent throwing of tamtrums or shaming the parents in public places.

[smurf]

totally agree with u, deminic.

[kiasimom]

david59:

//Moderator's note: Topics merged.


We should only use the cane for cases that warrant the use of it. It must also be used sparingly, otherwise the kid will get too used to ( immune) enduring the pain inflicted like a hero. If it is done sparingly, the kid will hopefully always dread the thought of being caned and so it acts as a deterrence.

Allow me to share some thought about caning as I recalled those times when my two girls got caned when they were young.

1. In my experience and in sharing with like-minded friends, a good caning must really inflict pain that is more than he or she can bear. ( some parents might brand me a child abuser) Why? Bcos caning lightly will not make the child fears pain. He will likely pretend that it is really painful and cries crocodile tears.
2. For not very serious offences, caning on the palm is adequate. But for very serious ones, caning should be targeted at the buttocks n the pain inflicted must be more painful since the buttocks can absorb the force better. The purpose of caning these two areas only is that others will not see the cane marks which would otherwise causes the child to feel embarassed in public.

Practically all defiant kids will not give in until they are punished. They are actually testing and finding out where the boundary line is and how far they can challenge our authority before the red light starts to blink.
When we issue out any warning to punish, we need to be consistent. Many a parent always gives warning after warning but nothing happens when the kid continues to disobey. When we give a warning or the most a second chance, we must make sure we carry it out if the kid persists. After a few times when such incidents happened, the kid will learn for sure that dad or mum always means business and he will gradually stop the bad habits.
But the most important point to remember is this: we must earn the authority to discipline our kid when we have shown him or her that we truly love him or her.

We are in the same situation.
I use the same approach as you.
Not that we want to cane the kids, but they really know how to make my blood pressure shoot up.
I will only use the cane as a last resort but it always work when I bring out the cane.