In-law problems?
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janet_lee88:
If all she wants to SEE is her golden boy, then I really don't think you need to visit her, esp since she has made her preference so obvious.Emelyn:
[quote=\"fifiyeo\"]The story would have been totally different if PIL's golden boy and wife showed up. We have often witness how MIL could suddenly change from foul mood to win toto mood! All smiles and calling them on top of her voice. There were times when we arrived and PILs thought that their precious had arrived and dashed to the front so happy. See its us and staight away \"oh, it's you ah\" and the smile and sunshine all gone.
Then why you still bother to visit them ? I will so pissed that I won't bother.
Outright favouritism :mad: next year no need to visit them.[/quote]
My case is the same. thats why we din go back this year and went hoilday instead. We knew very well the PILS would rather be happy to see their DD family visit them only. As the whole family are all involved in their family business so there are many quarrels on and off. If we went there, everyone will be \"black face\". The two SILs has been trying very hard to ostracise my DH coz they din want their big brother to take over the business should their dad oneday old and need retire. They want to call the shots instead. They enjoyed to be at the most top. So far they have an upperhand, coz PILs doted on the single SIL. So whether we make it to visit them or not during CNY, PILs definitely can always squeeze something to complain about us. Since so , why visit them? anyway they dun appreciate except \"bad comments\". Since their princess, dun like to see our face, we \"disappear\" lor......It is a known fact that if princess tell MIL she dun want to see us then it is common that for probably one year or so , we will not be asked to go back for dinner in normal days too. So its all depends on that single SIL lor......If they dare complain this time that we din visit them, i wil tell at their face\" we knew we are unlikeable by ur DD, so it is better we dun visit\". also if we die die go visit PILS, then that princess wil have to remain upstair at her bedroom or has to go out somewhere else. PILs will be heartbroken to see their precious DD remain in her room or go \"exile\" for few hours coz of us. So i knew they wont be happy to see us. so forget about visiting them since it is unhappy for everyone.
Yes while i agreed that as family we should give and take, but alamak, if you are in my shoes, definitely that cant be apply here. You give in, she steps in two steps......u know...If you face very evil ppl. i would prefer to stay clear from them and whatever they comment , will not change my mind for not visit them in CNY. :imcool: -
ningning… did ur DH mind tt he didn’t get to celebrate CNY with his family?
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buds:
ningning.. did ur DH mind tt he didn't get to celebrate CNY with his family?
I think so DH is somewhow sad but not so sad in recent years liao. But what to do, PILs practise extreme favourism. PILs always will place their DD feelings as top most priority. So if princess say dun want to see us, then we are shut out from entering that \"door\" even special occasion like Mothers day , fathers day or PILs birthdays, we are forever excluded though we did bought gifts for them. But recent years, we stopped buying gifts for them liao since they always excluded us in many activities or gatherings. Even when one of the princess got married, we also dun know which part of singapore she is residing at. With parents that treat their own son like that , so does it make any difference to visit them during CNY, I wonder? But if ones knows how he is being treated unfairly by parents and how his parents always believed blindly what his sisters had complaint on us, will also agree that to see less of them is blessed. He had told me before marriage that his parents is unfair but i dun really take it seriously coz i tot he is a \"good boy\" to any parents. But after marriage quickly i realised that is 100% biased coz i was also treated very very unfairly by his parents.
Of course i know he is sad deep in his heart coz he did nothing wrong and had performed very well in their business but yet at the end of day, this is what he gets. I am a mother and a daughter too, i can tell he tried and had proved his worth in the business inorder to gain his parents \"love\" but sometimes \"love just cant be compel\". If you are not the\" golden child\" of your parents, no matter how well you study or performed or how much you earn, or how much concern you show for them, all effort will only be wasted and washed away in the drain without them giving one look. If you are the golden child \" even you fail in studies, fail in everything you do or touch and not filial\" , parents will treat that child like a \"prince\" or \"princess\". I knew he has figured out it already in recent years . and that this is the kind of \"family values\" his parents practised. So whenever, my PILs talked about \"we are a family, .....blah blah...... i always got very irked by it. Personally , i felt that they are not qualify to tell me \"we are a family..........\" since they do not treat us like one in the first place. Sad to not spend CNY with them? Better not cause go already, come home sure feel \"cake sim\" and we will end up sigh at each other and laughed off bitterly again....... -
One should be tolerant to spouse's filial piety responsibilites, and not enforce personal views onto spouse's decisions. There are moral issues which spouse may feel strongly more than personal issues, whether he/she is favoured or not.
Our children see our actions and make their own judgement themselves about right or wrong. We reap what we sow, think about our loved ones. Life is too short to be envious or vindictive in any way. -
In my case, despite all the REluctance and not to put my hb in a spot, I went. My ILs treated me and my DS1and DD as transparent. Only spoke to my DS2. Why go? I ask myself. It shd be a happy occasion when we REunite, REminisce and REjoice. We r REdundant. REgret going.
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wormy:
It shd be a happy occasion when we REunite, REminisce and REjoice. We r REdundant. REgret going.
This issue about CNY visiting is thorny...supposing old ones have favourite son or daughter and your spouse isn't the golden one, still have no choice but to pop by to say HI. Or else they will find fault. I am so relieved to be done with that on the first day...that's it. My job is done.
forget about the REunite and REmininsce issue...just make a courtesy call, watch TV and that 2 hours will pass by very fast.
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janet_lee88:
Likewise.. ..served my sentence liao. We don't talk about it at all..wormy:
It shd be a happy occasion when we REunite, REminisce and REjoice. We r REdundant. REgret going.
This issue about CNY visiting is thorny...supposing old ones have favourite son or daughter and your spouse isn't the golden one, still have no choice but to pop by to say HI. Or else they will find fault. I am so relieved to be done with that on the first day...that's it. My job is done. forget about the REunite and REmininsce issue...just make a courtesy call, watch TV and that 2 hours will pass by very fast.
My DH and DS can 'see' for themselves.
Just ranting here when the drama .. :faint: -
I’ve done my job, served my sentence for CNY…no reason for old one to find fault…neither is hubby put in a spot. Kids were complaining about having to go there but I told them they HAVE TO.
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Hi ningning,
Kinda of feeling uncomfortable here. Since your PIL and SILs have such bad feeling for their son and brother, why then bother to continue to work in the family business? Have you guys ever considered that if one day should your SIL takes over the business, then what would be the future of your husband financial status?
Have you guys ever consider such unpleasant scenario?
Life is really short, why bother to shorten it further with all the unnecessary quarrels? -
[quote=\"janet_lee88
...just make a courtesy call, watch TV and that 2 hours will pass by very fast.
[/quote]
Mine better ... job done in 15 mins :rahrah:
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