In-law problems?
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buds:
ningning.. did ur DH mind tt he didn't get to celebrate CNY with his family?
I think so DH is somewhow sad but not so sad in recent years liao. But what to do, PILs practise extreme favourism. PILs always will place their DD feelings as top most priority. So if princess say dun want to see us, then we are shut out from entering that \"door\" even special occasion like Mothers day , fathers day or PILs birthdays, we are forever excluded though we did bought gifts for them. But recent years, we stopped buying gifts for them liao since they always excluded us in many activities or gatherings. Even when one of the princess got married, we also dun know which part of singapore she is residing at. With parents that treat their own son like that , so does it make any difference to visit them during CNY, I wonder? But if ones knows how he is being treated unfairly by parents and how his parents always believed blindly what his sisters had complaint on us, will also agree that to see less of them is blessed. He had told me before marriage that his parents is unfair but i dun really take it seriously coz i tot he is a \"good boy\" to any parents. But after marriage quickly i realised that is 100% biased coz i was also treated very very unfairly by his parents.
Of course i know he is sad deep in his heart coz he did nothing wrong and had performed very well in their business but yet at the end of day, this is what he gets. I am a mother and a daughter too, i can tell he tried and had proved his worth in the business inorder to gain his parents \"love\" but sometimes \"love just cant be compel\". If you are not the\" golden child\" of your parents, no matter how well you study or performed or how much you earn, or how much concern you show for them, all effort will only be wasted and washed away in the drain without them giving one look. If you are the golden child \" even you fail in studies, fail in everything you do or touch and not filial\" , parents will treat that child like a \"prince\" or \"princess\". I knew he has figured out it already in recent years . and that this is the kind of \"family values\" his parents practised. So whenever, my PILs talked about \"we are a family, .....blah blah...... i always got very irked by it. Personally , i felt that they are not qualify to tell me \"we are a family..........\" since they do not treat us like one in the first place. Sad to not spend CNY with them? Better not cause go already, come home sure feel \"cake sim\" and we will end up sigh at each other and laughed off bitterly again....... -
One should be tolerant to spouse's filial piety responsibilites, and not enforce personal views onto spouse's decisions. There are moral issues which spouse may feel strongly more than personal issues, whether he/she is favoured or not.
Our children see our actions and make their own judgement themselves about right or wrong. We reap what we sow, think about our loved ones. Life is too short to be envious or vindictive in any way. -
In my case, despite all the REluctance and not to put my hb in a spot, I went. My ILs treated me and my DS1and DD as transparent. Only spoke to my DS2. Why go? I ask myself. It shd be a happy occasion when we REunite, REminisce and REjoice. We r REdundant. REgret going.
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wormy:
It shd be a happy occasion when we REunite, REminisce and REjoice. We r REdundant. REgret going.
This issue about CNY visiting is thorny...supposing old ones have favourite son or daughter and your spouse isn't the golden one, still have no choice but to pop by to say HI. Or else they will find fault. I am so relieved to be done with that on the first day...that's it. My job is done.
forget about the REunite and REmininsce issue...just make a courtesy call, watch TV and that 2 hours will pass by very fast.
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janet_lee88:
Likewise.. ..served my sentence liao. We don't talk about it at all..wormy:
It shd be a happy occasion when we REunite, REminisce and REjoice. We r REdundant. REgret going.
This issue about CNY visiting is thorny...supposing old ones have favourite son or daughter and your spouse isn't the golden one, still have no choice but to pop by to say HI. Or else they will find fault. I am so relieved to be done with that on the first day...that's it. My job is done. forget about the REunite and REmininsce issue...just make a courtesy call, watch TV and that 2 hours will pass by very fast.
My DH and DS can 'see' for themselves.
Just ranting here when the drama .. :faint: -
I’ve done my job, served my sentence for CNY…no reason for old one to find fault…neither is hubby put in a spot. Kids were complaining about having to go there but I told them they HAVE TO.
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Hi ningning,
Kinda of feeling uncomfortable here. Since your PIL and SILs have such bad feeling for their son and brother, why then bother to continue to work in the family business? Have you guys ever considered that if one day should your SIL takes over the business, then what would be the future of your husband financial status?
Have you guys ever consider such unpleasant scenario?
Life is really short, why bother to shorten it further with all the unnecessary quarrels? -
[quote=\"janet_lee88
...just make a courtesy call, watch TV and that 2 hours will pass by very fast.
[/quote]
Mine better ... job done in 15 mins :rahrah: -
happymom_aa:
Mine better ... job done in 15 mins :rahrah:[/quote][quote=\"janet_lee88
...just make a courtesy call, watch TV and that 2 hours will pass by very fast.
There will be WAR if I stayed for just 15 min. This year, old one claimed she forgot about reunion meal...when hubby asked if she was cooking vegetarian on 1st day of CNY (the norm)...she claimed she lost her wok :slapshead:
What pissed me was her red packet...she is OLD enough to know that giving odd number is inauspicious...she could have at least given $6 instead of $5. -
laughingcat:
Yes, we have thought abt it many times , each time my dh told PILS that he wanted to split from the business, mil would be so mad. My dh has always placed the importance of this business above everything else but he is disheartened already after been backstab by SILs time after time and PILs chose to believe liars. He is a man that dun play dirty unlike those women.But this business require some hard work so even the SIls were to take over one day, they can't survive long. So we all knew its a wait till old folks no longer ard then bye bye to each other and nvr meet again. PILs are contradicting themselves, know siblings can't get along to this extent but still want them to be together working under the same business. Din they know is very torturing to him? I bet they knew.Hi ningning,
Kinda of feeling uncomfortable here. Since your PIL and SILs have such bad feeling for their son and brother, why then bother to continue to work in the family business? Have you guys ever considered that if one day should your SIL takes over the business, then what would be the future of your husband financial status?
Have you guys ever consider such unpleasant scenario?
Life is really short, why bother to shorten it further with all the unnecessary quarrels?
As for myself I had started my own small business some times back. Knew what, my FIL insisted that I closed my business. I refused and persisted till today. It pain to know that the reason is PILs wants us to solely survive on that family business and they want to control my life too to this extent. Personally I feel they are very \"sick\".
This CNY we din go back and it is my dh that decided to do so, so we went holiday. I had nvr once told him to be unfilial to his parents cause I am also have parents. I knew dh can't be happy in his heart either to do so.
In family business usually bad feelings will spill over to family relations too. Unfortunately, this is what exactly happened in this family even before my marriage till now. though I agreed totally we have to show respect to the elderly as what I was taught since as a child. But in our case, my true filial towards them was already a past. I dun pretend to be a saint after so many rounds of extreme unfair n unreasonable treatments from them, how can I still be filial to them.. . Perhaps to some, yes , we are a bad example for our children by not going back on CNY to show our respect but on the other hand din PILs are also bad examples themselves . In this world, not only junior makes mistake, old folks do behave very badly too. But they get away, becoz most ppl had this thinking that elderly dun lie, they are upright ppl given their age and must be the junior at fault. I used to think so too, but not anymore now.
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