Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child?

[iRabbit]

2ppaamm,


Don't mind me saying this, your story made me laugh. Your boy's problems made mine seemed insignificant, almost trivial. If my son manages to lose his tees or shoes, I would have ....... I think I would be so stressed I go see the psychiatrist. :yikes:

It goes without saying that it's not about the money. My anguish is that ds didn't correct his flaw despite past experiences - he's losing books at a rate of once every week since term starts. Surprisingly, dw who's usually more particular about all things financial, seems to take it quite well. Maybe sensing my anger, she decides to give ds a break.

So yesterday straight after roller blading, ds washed up and went to bed - Time out! Actually I only found out about the missing book late at night; otherwise ds won't even have chance to roller blade.

You have a lot of patience. If I had to wait till ds reaches teenage before this issue is corrected, I think I'll die of heart attack. :faint:

[2ppaamm]

FQW:

2ppaamm,


Don't mind me saying this, your story made me laugh. Your boy's problems made mine seemed insignificant, almost trivial. If my son manages to lose his tees or shoes, I would have ....... I think I would be so stressed I go see the psychiatrist. :yikes:

It goes without saying that it's not about the money. My anguish is that ds didn't correct his flaw despite past experiences - he's losing books at a rate of once every week since term starts. Surprisingly, dw who's usually more particular about all things financial, seems to take it quite well. Maybe sensing my anger, she decides to give ds a break.

So yesterday straight after roller blading, ds washed up and went to bed - Time out! Actually I only found out about the missing book late at night; otherwise ds won't even have chance to roller blade.

You have a lot of patience. If I had to wait till ds reaches teenage before this issue is corrected, I think I'll die of heart attack. :faint:

We have to remember our kids are all different. Everyone has their good and bad points. My son took a long time to learn these things, but he was very good at other things other parents would die to have.

Same for your little boy. He may be forgetful, but is a good reader, and probably that's where his attention is. Cut him (and yourself) some slack. In a few years, you will all laugh about it. Yep, when I was going through it, it was like my heartbeat very fast everyday... and I wonder what would go wrong/missing next. Even the expert told me she pities me. Every mother of an executive function deficiency child has a really hard time throughout their childhood, but things will iron out by 17 years old. Don't think your kid has any big problem. Just a little attention to these things that do not matter.

Have fun! I'm sure he'll be just fine. Patience, yes, patience is all we need. Tell me about it.

[iRabbit]

2ppaamm:

Same for your little boy. He may be forgetful, but is a good reader, and probably that's where his attention is. Cut him (and yourself) some slack. In a few years, you will all laugh about it.

Have fun! I'm sure he'll be just fine. Patience, yes, patience is all we need. Tell me about it.

I feel better already (after learning of your experience). You had a bigger problem than me and survived it.

I'm not so mad at ds now. DEFCON 1 dropped to DEFCON 3 liao. Have progressed to communicating with ds through dw - still can't stand looking at him in the face.

Like you suggested, if I looked at it another way, the reason ds is losing his books is that he is so engrossed he brings them wherever he goes. I guess I should be grateful for that, at least he is reading well. One year ago, I would never have imagined that he will be so interested in books.

You are a good counsellor, 2ppaamm . Thanks.

[N3SKiasu]

FQW:

My P2 boy has lost 4 storybooks in school this year alone. All these books were what I carefully selected for him from Popular/amazon.


I was exemplarily patient the first time this happened - just reminding ds to be careful next time; went ballistic the second time (which happened the very next day :stompfeet: ). The third time, I made him pay for the lost book by deducting $1 from his daily allowance until I recovered the cost.

The fourth time happened yesterday. You know, when you're really disgusted with someone, you don't even want to look them in the face. I'm disgusted. :mad:

Like most parents, I think that I've made sacrifices for my child. Darn! I've made lots of sacrifices. I deserved better. :sad:

I fully feel your last phase: \"I have made lots of sacrifices, I deserved better\"
There was a time when I have similar thoughts, but when time passes, I have a clearer picture.
When I left my job to be a SAHM, my colleagues would said:\"wow, it's a big sacrifice!\". I puzzled. Why do we want to put ourselves in the situation to weigh doing things for them as a sacrifice, it actually becomes a burden on ourselves and in our hearts, we can't help to assume that he supposed to be obedient and be a good boy as we sacrificed for them. Because we view it as sacrifice, we expect returns. We forgot that he has his own character and it is not that we \"sacrifice\" something and he will be better.
Instead of thinking it as a sacrifice, I focus on how to help him further and it actually released me from feeling lousy and feel better at times.
This is my personal opinion and I hope it can help you feel better

Btw, my DS lost books countless times, he ever lost school library books that I have to buy back books worth $40 to return to school, another time he lost a NLB book and I have paid $50 plus. I was rather mad at first but I settled it calmly eventually. He was only P2 then. To reduce the risk, I have stop allowing him to bring library books to school and read. He could not remember where he left it. He usually forgets homework, even if he rushed to finish homework till late night, he will forget to hand up next day! I have to keep on reminding him. For water bottles, I have since given him mineral water bottles instead as he has lost numerous of them including some good ones. He has to learn that he has to build up the trust first if he wants to resume the benefits. There are lots of things happened due to his character. I have accepted that all these are just part of them.
I can fully understand how you feel... he will definitely improve when he is older, be it 15 or 17, he will be there. That is what I keep on telling myself. As what 2aappmm said, the only thing we need is really Patience... it is easy to say than done, let's remind each other through KSP forum !

[tutormum]

I don't know if I die laughing or faint if anybody comes home with only a shoe. DS3 just lost his pair of NPCC boots, realising only a week later when he needed to wear them. I don't blame him cos he had so much on his hands; a school bag, shoe bag, NPCC uniform and an extra bag given to him by NPCC on that particular day when he purportedly lost his boots. I assume that he had inadvertently left it on the bus. He has to change buses to get home so how to be angry with him? So far, he's the only guy in the family who lost the least number of things. DH is the prime offender misplacing and losing his things all the time. He used to lose his wallets until he learnt his lessons. Same with my DS1 and DS2. I made them pay for the replacement of their ezlink cards and never allowed them to carry their IC and much money. DS1 paid until he :scared: and became extra careful. DS2 still loses his things but not as bad as when he was in primary school. Looks like there's some genes that they inherit from DH. I always said that if 'that ***\" is not attached to their bodies, they would lose it also. :faint: I always check myself whenever I'm on the road in case I lose anything and never leave anything of value around e.g. on a table like most people do when they have lunch at the coffeeshop. Think it's a habit that has to be cultivated.

[2ppaamm]

I used to lose things all the time when I was a kid and right into my twenties. My bus pass, my wallet etc etc.


But I created a system for myself to ensure I don't lose anything. I have not lost much since I put this system in place. Whenever I see my belongings, I will quickly put them into my bag, and I'll always carry a bag. It does not matter if I need that thing later, I'll always put it into my bag. Works like a charm. Never loses anything or sleep. Also, always carry just one bag. Otherwise, I'll forget how many bags I have and I'll lose them. And I don't carry loose items, everything must go into the bag, one place for each item in the bag. So I also became a neat freak.

You think losing one shoe is funny. Wait till you see him with two different shoes on each leg because there are no more matching pairs?! :evil:

[N3SKiasu]

Talking about shoes… yes my DS also came back with two different shoes after a health check exercise in P1. The teacher was kind enough to go up to stage the next day to make an announcement to ask if anybody wore two different shoes home too! As expected, the shoe was never found…I think the other child also did not realise he/she wore the wrong shoe.

[smurf]

N3SKiasu,


:goodpost: and :thankyou:

remind me to treat ds1 with more patience.

[iRabbit]

N3SKiasu:

When I left my job to be a SAHM, my colleagues would said:\"wow, it's a big sacrifice!\". I puzzled. Why do we want to put ourselves in the situation to weigh doing things for them as a sacrifice, it actually becomes a burden on ourselves and in our hearts, we can't help to assume that he supposed to be obedient and be a good boy as we sacrificed for them. Because we view it as sacrifice, we expect returns. We forgot that he has his own character and it is not that we \"sacrifice\" something and he will be better.

Whether we call it sacrifice or not, I actually think that it is reasonable for me to maintain a minimal level of expectation from my ds. My expectation is no longer something tangible (as in must achieve top x% in sch that kind). Rather - carelessness notwithstanding - I expect him to put in good effort in his studies and exams; I expect him to bring his cutlery into the kitchen after each meal; I do not expect him to lose 4 books within first 2 months of sch term.

So many expectations hor. Still, I feel that these are basic stuff and I've communicated them to ds since young. Perhaps you're a more understanding parent than I am. Perhaps I'm terrified that ds will grow up to be a sloppy sloth if I'm go too easy with him.

I think this expectation thingy will be a good forum topic to solicit different viewpoints for discussion.

N3SKiasu:

To reduce the risk, I have stop allowing him to bring library books to school and read. He could not remember where he left it.

I can't do that as there is lots of silent reading time (code word for waiting time) in ds's sch. Also, ds told me he has this habit of trying to finish his work within the first 5 min of each lesson so that he can have to rest of the period to indulge in his storybooks.

He was caught and warned a fews of times for taking furtive glances of those books whenever his T turns around to write on the board. Just a few seconds he also can't resist. He goes to that extent so I think it'll really hurt him if I ban him from taking books to sch.

N3SKiasu:

I can fully understand how you feel... he will definitely improve when he is older, be it 15 or 17, he will be there. That is what I keep on telling myself. As what 2aappmm said, the only thing we need is really Patience... it is easy to say than done, let's remind each other through KSP forum !

Agree! That's the beauty of this forum. Thanks for your sharing. :celebrate:

[2ppaamm]

I think your little one sounds like my DS2, who is now 12. Really loves to read, and books are always in his hands. Hm... he needs to learn how to meet the expectations in schools, because teachers don't like that. So I'd make sure he knows the rules:

1. No reading at any dinning table
2. When I say stop reading, it means stop reading, no such thing as reading till the end of the page etc (because in school, the teachers expect that)
3. Don't read in the car
4. Train him to look out for good lighting before he reads. For his eyes' sake.
5. No reading in the middle of the night, or wake up to read.
6. Keep books away from him during birthday parties.
7. Talk to people, not to books. Engage in conversations.

Reading is a fantastic habit, but for DS2, I feel that he is just too engrossed and he reads 80 novels in a month. His eyesight is the poorest in the family, he is myopic at 300 degrees. He slouches and reads the whole day, which is bad for his posture, so he must now read only on certain chairs, and upright. He now has a Kindle, that Kindle becomes his best friend and never leaves his hands.

He also does two sports, training 6 times a week in total, of 2 hours each.

And yes, he has to pick up after himself, do the dishes, wipe the table, hang up his towels, put clothes into the laundry and pack his room and bed everyday. These are minimum we should expect of our kids.

Too much of a good thing (reading), and I don't want it to turn bad. I guess as a parent, we want them to have a balanced and healthy life.