Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child?

[tutormum]

I don't know if I die laughing or faint if anybody comes home with only a shoe. DS3 just lost his pair of NPCC boots, realising only a week later when he needed to wear them. I don't blame him cos he had so much on his hands; a school bag, shoe bag, NPCC uniform and an extra bag given to him by NPCC on that particular day when he purportedly lost his boots. I assume that he had inadvertently left it on the bus. He has to change buses to get home so how to be angry with him? So far, he's the only guy in the family who lost the least number of things. DH is the prime offender misplacing and losing his things all the time. He used to lose his wallets until he learnt his lessons. Same with my DS1 and DS2. I made them pay for the replacement of their ezlink cards and never allowed them to carry their IC and much money. DS1 paid until he :scared: and became extra careful. DS2 still loses his things but not as bad as when he was in primary school. Looks like there's some genes that they inherit from DH. I always said that if 'that ***\" is not attached to their bodies, they would lose it also. :faint: I always check myself whenever I'm on the road in case I lose anything and never leave anything of value around e.g. on a table like most people do when they have lunch at the coffeeshop. Think it's a habit that has to be cultivated.

[2ppaamm]

I used to lose things all the time when I was a kid and right into my twenties. My bus pass, my wallet etc etc.


But I created a system for myself to ensure I don't lose anything. I have not lost much since I put this system in place. Whenever I see my belongings, I will quickly put them into my bag, and I'll always carry a bag. It does not matter if I need that thing later, I'll always put it into my bag. Works like a charm. Never loses anything or sleep. Also, always carry just one bag. Otherwise, I'll forget how many bags I have and I'll lose them. And I don't carry loose items, everything must go into the bag, one place for each item in the bag. So I also became a neat freak.

You think losing one shoe is funny. Wait till you see him with two different shoes on each leg because there are no more matching pairs?! :evil:

[N3SKiasu]

Talking about shoes… yes my DS also came back with two different shoes after a health check exercise in P1. The teacher was kind enough to go up to stage the next day to make an announcement to ask if anybody wore two different shoes home too! As expected, the shoe was never found…I think the other child also did not realise he/she wore the wrong shoe.

[smurf]

N3SKiasu,


:goodpost: and :thankyou:

remind me to treat ds1 with more patience.

[iRabbit]

N3SKiasu:

When I left my job to be a SAHM, my colleagues would said:\"wow, it's a big sacrifice!\". I puzzled. Why do we want to put ourselves in the situation to weigh doing things for them as a sacrifice, it actually becomes a burden on ourselves and in our hearts, we can't help to assume that he supposed to be obedient and be a good boy as we sacrificed for them. Because we view it as sacrifice, we expect returns. We forgot that he has his own character and it is not that we \"sacrifice\" something and he will be better.

Whether we call it sacrifice or not, I actually think that it is reasonable for me to maintain a minimal level of expectation from my ds. My expectation is no longer something tangible (as in must achieve top x% in sch that kind). Rather - carelessness notwithstanding - I expect him to put in good effort in his studies and exams; I expect him to bring his cutlery into the kitchen after each meal; I do not expect him to lose 4 books within first 2 months of sch term.

So many expectations hor. Still, I feel that these are basic stuff and I've communicated them to ds since young. Perhaps you're a more understanding parent than I am. Perhaps I'm terrified that ds will grow up to be a sloppy sloth if I'm go too easy with him.

I think this expectation thingy will be a good forum topic to solicit different viewpoints for discussion.

N3SKiasu:

To reduce the risk, I have stop allowing him to bring library books to school and read. He could not remember where he left it.

I can't do that as there is lots of silent reading time (code word for waiting time) in ds's sch. Also, ds told me he has this habit of trying to finish his work within the first 5 min of each lesson so that he can have to rest of the period to indulge in his storybooks.

He was caught and warned a fews of times for taking furtive glances of those books whenever his T turns around to write on the board. Just a few seconds he also can't resist. He goes to that extent so I think it'll really hurt him if I ban him from taking books to sch.

N3SKiasu:

I can fully understand how you feel... he will definitely improve when he is older, be it 15 or 17, he will be there. That is what I keep on telling myself. As what 2aappmm said, the only thing we need is really Patience... it is easy to say than done, let's remind each other through KSP forum !

Agree! That's the beauty of this forum. Thanks for your sharing. :celebrate:

[2ppaamm]

I think your little one sounds like my DS2, who is now 12. Really loves to read, and books are always in his hands. Hm... he needs to learn how to meet the expectations in schools, because teachers don't like that. So I'd make sure he knows the rules:

1. No reading at any dinning table
2. When I say stop reading, it means stop reading, no such thing as reading till the end of the page etc (because in school, the teachers expect that)
3. Don't read in the car
4. Train him to look out for good lighting before he reads. For his eyes' sake.
5. No reading in the middle of the night, or wake up to read.
6. Keep books away from him during birthday parties.
7. Talk to people, not to books. Engage in conversations.

Reading is a fantastic habit, but for DS2, I feel that he is just too engrossed and he reads 80 novels in a month. His eyesight is the poorest in the family, he is myopic at 300 degrees. He slouches and reads the whole day, which is bad for his posture, so he must now read only on certain chairs, and upright. He now has a Kindle, that Kindle becomes his best friend and never leaves his hands.

He also does two sports, training 6 times a week in total, of 2 hours each.

And yes, he has to pick up after himself, do the dishes, wipe the table, hang up his towels, put clothes into the laundry and pack his room and bed everyday. These are minimum we should expect of our kids.

Too much of a good thing (reading), and I don't want it to turn bad. I guess as a parent, we want them to have a balanced and healthy life.

[smurf]

ds1 is totally opp. hates reading. totally hates it…gives him his favorite books, don’t want to read. haha…

[iRabbit]

2ppaamm,


Mine definitely doesn't read 80 books a month. :yikes: Less than 20 in fact.
Thankfully some were Chinese books. His tuition ctr has a library with a good selection of boy's books and he picked one titled Eragon yesterday which has got to be thicker than any book I've ever read in my life. :evil:

You are right when you mentioned that I have a small problem. I've friends whose kids are adverse to reading and it gives them headache. So putting things into perspective, I'm consoled.

Btw, my ds is also myopic at 100+ degrees. So now besides the weekly swimming sessions, we also try to make it a point to have weekly roller blading sessions and he signed up for track & field as CCA too. Hopefully all these will allow him to train his eye muscles to look far and stabilize his condition. Better late than never. :xedfingers:

[iRabbit]

smurf:

ds1 is totally opp. hates reading. totally hates it...gives him his favorite books, don't want to read. haha...

A lot has been said about the correlation between music and reading. For my ds, I strongly suspect that his early training in learning to play the piano - he started before 4 - conditioned him to sit still and focus on the task at hand. It's definitely not easy learning something requiring multi-tasking, more so for a child.

So I'm grateful that ds has the patience to sit still and read a book. I just have to keep repeating this pt in my internal dialogue and I won't be angry with him anymore.

[smurf]

I think it has something to do with the child character lah, not whether he started music or anything that required to sit still for 30 mins or so...


when i give ds1 his favorite 'toy', he can play for hours sitting...if book happens to be his favorite 'toy', i think he will sit still reading for hrs too...:)