Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child?

[iRabbit]

N3SKiasu:

When I left my job to be a SAHM, my colleagues would said:\"wow, it's a big sacrifice!\". I puzzled. Why do we want to put ourselves in the situation to weigh doing things for them as a sacrifice, it actually becomes a burden on ourselves and in our hearts, we can't help to assume that he supposed to be obedient and be a good boy as we sacrificed for them. Because we view it as sacrifice, we expect returns. We forgot that he has his own character and it is not that we \"sacrifice\" something and he will be better.

Whether we call it sacrifice or not, I actually think that it is reasonable for me to maintain a minimal level of expectation from my ds. My expectation is no longer something tangible (as in must achieve top x% in sch that kind). Rather - carelessness notwithstanding - I expect him to put in good effort in his studies and exams; I expect him to bring his cutlery into the kitchen after each meal; I do not expect him to lose 4 books within first 2 months of sch term.

So many expectations hor. Still, I feel that these are basic stuff and I've communicated them to ds since young. Perhaps you're a more understanding parent than I am. Perhaps I'm terrified that ds will grow up to be a sloppy sloth if I'm go too easy with him.

I think this expectation thingy will be a good forum topic to solicit different viewpoints for discussion.

N3SKiasu:

To reduce the risk, I have stop allowing him to bring library books to school and read. He could not remember where he left it.

I can't do that as there is lots of silent reading time (code word for waiting time) in ds's sch. Also, ds told me he has this habit of trying to finish his work within the first 5 min of each lesson so that he can have to rest of the period to indulge in his storybooks.

He was caught and warned a fews of times for taking furtive glances of those books whenever his T turns around to write on the board. Just a few seconds he also can't resist. He goes to that extent so I think it'll really hurt him if I ban him from taking books to sch.

N3SKiasu:

I can fully understand how you feel... he will definitely improve when he is older, be it 15 or 17, he will be there. That is what I keep on telling myself. As what 2aappmm said, the only thing we need is really Patience... it is easy to say than done, let's remind each other through KSP forum !

Agree! That's the beauty of this forum. Thanks for your sharing. :celebrate:

[2ppaamm]

I think your little one sounds like my DS2, who is now 12. Really loves to read, and books are always in his hands. Hm... he needs to learn how to meet the expectations in schools, because teachers don't like that. So I'd make sure he knows the rules:

1. No reading at any dinning table
2. When I say stop reading, it means stop reading, no such thing as reading till the end of the page etc (because in school, the teachers expect that)
3. Don't read in the car
4. Train him to look out for good lighting before he reads. For his eyes' sake.
5. No reading in the middle of the night, or wake up to read.
6. Keep books away from him during birthday parties.
7. Talk to people, not to books. Engage in conversations.

Reading is a fantastic habit, but for DS2, I feel that he is just too engrossed and he reads 80 novels in a month. His eyesight is the poorest in the family, he is myopic at 300 degrees. He slouches and reads the whole day, which is bad for his posture, so he must now read only on certain chairs, and upright. He now has a Kindle, that Kindle becomes his best friend and never leaves his hands.

He also does two sports, training 6 times a week in total, of 2 hours each.

And yes, he has to pick up after himself, do the dishes, wipe the table, hang up his towels, put clothes into the laundry and pack his room and bed everyday. These are minimum we should expect of our kids.

Too much of a good thing (reading), and I don't want it to turn bad. I guess as a parent, we want them to have a balanced and healthy life.

[smurf]

ds1 is totally opp. hates reading. totally hates it…gives him his favorite books, don’t want to read. haha…

[iRabbit]

2ppaamm,


Mine definitely doesn't read 80 books a month. :yikes: Less than 20 in fact.
Thankfully some were Chinese books. His tuition ctr has a library with a good selection of boy's books and he picked one titled Eragon yesterday which has got to be thicker than any book I've ever read in my life. :evil:

You are right when you mentioned that I have a small problem. I've friends whose kids are adverse to reading and it gives them headache. So putting things into perspective, I'm consoled.

Btw, my ds is also myopic at 100+ degrees. So now besides the weekly swimming sessions, we also try to make it a point to have weekly roller blading sessions and he signed up for track & field as CCA too. Hopefully all these will allow him to train his eye muscles to look far and stabilize his condition. Better late than never. :xedfingers:

[iRabbit]

smurf:

ds1 is totally opp. hates reading. totally hates it...gives him his favorite books, don't want to read. haha...

A lot has been said about the correlation between music and reading. For my ds, I strongly suspect that his early training in learning to play the piano - he started before 4 - conditioned him to sit still and focus on the task at hand. It's definitely not easy learning something requiring multi-tasking, more so for a child.

So I'm grateful that ds has the patience to sit still and read a book. I just have to keep repeating this pt in my internal dialogue and I won't be angry with him anymore.

[smurf]

I think it has something to do with the child character lah, not whether he started music or anything that required to sit still for 30 mins or so...


when i give ds1 his favorite 'toy', he can play for hours sitting...if book happens to be his favorite 'toy', i think he will sit still reading for hrs too...:)

[ahkeong]

i explode almost on a daily basis…


bought lego for them and assemble together, next day some parts missing
just bought a luigi toy car for him and the next moment, he crash it against the wall

really is losing my patience…

[Snow Crystal]

ahkeong:

i explode almost on a daily basis..

bought lego for them and assemble together, next day some parts missing
just bought a luigi toy car for him and the next moment, he crash it against the wall
really is losing my patience..

The next time before you explode, think first: at least your kid knows how to assemble Lego and play with toy car. His motor skills are fine and not slow or lacking - think of the special needs parents. Some wish that their DSs have good motor skills like your son

[ahkeong]

Snow Crystal:

The next time before you explode, think first: at least your kid knows how to assemble Lego and play with toy car. His motor skills are fine and not slow or lacking - think of the special needs parents. Some wish that their DSs have good motor skills like your son

i am really trying hard to think positively abt them too

given the kinda temper i have, previously would be worse..
the 2 boys are simply making us very tired with their energy..

[Canvas]

Snow Crystal:

ahkeong:

i explode almost on a daily basis..

bought lego for them and assemble together, next day some parts missing
just bought a luigi toy car for him and the next moment, he crash it against the wall
really is losing my patience..

The next time before you explode, think first: at least your kid knows how to assemble Lego and play with toy car. His motor skills are fine and not slow or lacking - think of the special needs parents. Some wish that their DSs have good motor skills like your son

Totally agree especially when I have 2 autistic nephews. Watching how worried their parents are reminds me to look past little flaws in my children. I mean, I am not zen most of the time. My blood boils each time I see my son's worksheets all crumpled up like salted vegetables, books all dog-eared etc yet he is a sweet boy who helps me heaps with caring for his sister and I guess I rather he has crumpled worksheets than getting overly neat and pretty, like a girl. *cough*

I also go ballistic because my 2yo DD doesn't sleep much. And she still scream the building down when I leave her in school for 3 hours, even after 1.5 months. She is like her father, always active and needs little sleep. Even when she does, she wakes up like 4 times a night. That said, I haven't slept much since she was born. BUT she's healthy and learns things fast so I try to keep my cool.

Was reminded by a friend that it is a privilege to be able to stay at home with the children. Indeed. When I was working, I was always wishing I was at home instead. Now that I am at my \"dream job\", looking after 2 healthy kids, I really shouldn't complain at all.