How much household income is enough?
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Imp75:
Yeah how to be a SAHM if hubby expects me to be the maid, teacher, caretaker, cook and the laundry woman? I am not a superwoman.
jedamum:
can.
but he cannot expect 100% from all.
ie 25% maid, 25% teacher, 25% cook, 25% laundry woman = 100% SAHM. :evil:
ie i clean the house 2x a week, teach 1 out of 4 subjects, cook 3x a week and do laundry 3x a week. :imcool:cherrygal:
MY FRENZ ALWAYS SAY I SPOIL MARKET.I always tell my hubby to learn and not use \"I dunno how\" as an excuse not to do it. I also wasn't born knowing how to change diapers for the baby.
Of coz we SAHMs are not superwomen. Superwomen are pple who work high-stress jobs full time and still manage to have 3 GEP kids with no outsourced tuition, a spick-n-span home with no maid, and still \"satisfy\" her hubby at nite.
Buds_hubs didn't have any expectation when i became SAHM. :love:
He knew i was good with children and i used to work as a nurse as well.
Guess perhaps that gave me prior knowledge before going into marriage and kids.
I was great at work. I earned as much as he did. (more sometimes when i get my
additional profit-sharing bonus(es) etc... I was also ok with housework but dunno
how it'd be if i were to stay home full time... would i be more domesticated. :nailbite:
I clean the house everyday (no expensive gadgets [cannot afford] or maid be it
full time or part-time or parents or ILs to help out), cook on most days, supervise
or coach the kiddies' work (if there's a need to [they don't have tuition and i took
them out of supplementary classes], do the laundry, fold, iron, engage baby with
learn-thru-play activities daily, run/play basketball/skoot/swim with the kiddies,
go hi-tea or just hang out with girlfriends, surf, read, sing and dance with the
kiddies at home, watch movies, go for foot-reflexology once in three weeks and
yes have time for romancing (not limited to just at nite, of course) :evil:. I suppose
it's a matter of eventually finding a balance.
If we want \"me time\", we gotta reflect on how our time is spent. Work smart and
not just work hard. Taking care of ourselves first is key, cos a happy mommy
goes a long way to ensuring the rest of the family is happy too.
The above posts just made me recall last two weeks when hubs said, \"My wife's a
superwoman. You need to learn how to relax and take it easy.\"
The kids
echoed him, \"Yah mommy, the house is clean already, the food is great & we
know how to do our homework. You can rest already lar.\"
When i recently broached abt going back to work full time, i asked him point
blank. \"You prefer me home or out to work?\" He went, \"Uhmmm... err..
honestly? I really dunno. Our kids are doing great in school and are well cared
for when you're home. Plus we all love your cooking and can save on eating
out. You can even squeeze in working from home when there are assignments.
On the other hand if you do work, it will give us double income and relieve the
mortgage by half time to clear everything.. we'd have more savings.. we'd have
more for our growing brood.. more holidays for us too.. Gee, i really dunno
babe.. it's really your call. You're good whether at home or at work. :hugs:\"
:love: I beaming lor. Of course right? Not everyday can hear this kinda confession u know.. :please:
It also makes a big difference that he is a hands-on husband husband and father.
In fact, he makes a http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/content/have-more-babies-sure
\"PS.. but i know the kids will miss having you around the house.\" He continued.
A lil appreciation from the man (really) goes a long way..
I'm a sucker for it. :politebleah:
We came a long way to get to where we are now.
So the golden question still remains... do i stay home (household income just enough) or do i go out to work and help buds_hubs out (for extras)? -
yes thats the golden question!
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Yeh boi.. :rotflmao:
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Imp75:
If he feels that way, then prob he prefers you to work. and if that's his stance, then it'd prob be an uphill journey for you to stay home.Yah you see, in terms of argument, I will lose because;
I can't keep the house as good as the maid
U can't teach as well so need to outsource
I can't drive so can't be a driver to kids
I might as well go outside earn money!! Maybe that's my forte! Man is so practical, there are no room for emotions involved
most gals I know who decide to stay home, have very very supportive hubbies who know they are taking the harder path. and thus have very few 'demands' wrt household stuff, whether they teach/cook etc as a means of saving money. in fact, they are usually willing to factor in paying for PT cleaner, cab fare etc. the plus is having the mum at home for the children as the main caregiver. -
I think ultimately, we have to ask ourselves if we can live with \"no recognition\" at all for all the hard work done at home. In the corporate world, we get promotions, bonuses etc & these makes us feel good & appreciated. But being a sahm, there are no such things to look forward to. I stopped work 3 years ago. But till now, I am still trying to come to terms with the lack of such recognitions. :sad: My DH understands that & will try his best to make that up to me by buying nice expensive lil gifts to me once in a while :love: He is also another guy who will leave the decision of to work or not to work to me. He is ok with both.
I am a corporate person seriously. I do not enjoy staying at home everyday nor being a sahm. I look forward to the day where I'll have the opportunity to rejoin the workforce. But....for now, I know my kids need me more. Like many have said, they only grow up once. There is really a difference when mummy is at home for them. Hence, even though I may not enjoy being a sahm, I will still do it cos I :love: my kids more. :snuggles:
Imp75, you seems to be very affected by the fact that you can't drive...get a driving license? Alternatively, you can pack your kids in sch buses & free yourself up to do other things? -
toddles:
I agree. My DH will rather fork out more $$ in exchange for more rest time for either me or both of us. Whenever possible, DH will take over the ferrying of the kids to let me have more rest.
If he feels that way, then prob he prefers you to work. and if that's his stance, then it'd prob be an uphill journey for you to stay home.Imp75:
Yah you see, in terms of argument, I will lose because;
I can't keep the house as good as the maid
U can't teach as well so need to outsource
I can't drive so can't be a driver to kids
I might as well go outside earn money!! Maybe that's my forte! Man is so practical, there are no room for emotions involved
most gals I know who decide to stay home, have very very supportive hubbies who know they are taking the harder path. and thus have very few 'demands' wrt household stuff, whether they teach/cook etc as a means of saving money. in fact, they are usually willing to factor in paying for PT cleaner, cab fare etc. the plus is having the mum at home for the children as the main caregiver.
\"the plus is having the mum at home for the children as the main caregiver\"......so well said! :salute: -
Agree too.
However if we \"choose\" (made the decision) to stay home... we should not expect recognition as it is like toddles said a harder path but not just for one party but for both, husband and wife. Husband is the only work horse.. shoulders all the finances for the house, kids + education, wife, (etc) and the wife executes her home responsibilities. It is not that either one is shaking legs. Both husband and wife are tired after a whole day's work regardless if one is in office and one is at home.
It's nice if the husband helps out. It's a bonus really.
Mine didn't actually start out helping around the house.
Homefront will sour if each spouse keeps on abt who has made the bigger sacrifice..
Not all women are cut out to stay home, cos if they're not happy to be home.. the ill
feelings and pent-up frustrations will transcend to the children and the home environment
in general. So it ain't always a plus factor having the mother at home for the children as
the main caregiver.. I have frenz who have poured out unhappiness and despair that they
just cannot make it as stay home moms & i encourage them to return to work if it makes
them happy and if makes husband nag less and makes the children happy being less
screamed at.
Different strokes for different folks.
We work around things that work for us..
No two families have the same lifestyles..
:hugs:
If we learn to appreciate one another's contributions
to the marriage and the family, both parties will be
happier. Take time to sit back and reflect how each
of us complement the other to make things work. -
Even though I am an ex-teacher and many would expect me to teach my own children, the fact is, I only teach when it's necessary aka 2 weeks before major exams :spank: Other times, if DS does okay, I close both eyes. Fortunately, he does pretty okay in an average school. I am quite relaxed in many aspects because I prefer to focus on my family eating, resting well.
Although technically, I am a maid/nurse/tutor/cook, my hubby is understanding and tries to help me out as much as he can (doing laundry). He is better in Math so he settles that. I help DS with his other subjects when he needs it. I do outsource a little, like hiring a part time cleaner to come over once a week to do the dreaded ironing and cleaning the areas that I do not (windows etc). I also bought a iroomba to vacuum the floor on a daily basis. I cook most weekdays but Friday onwards, we eat out. I recently hired a Chinese tutor for DS because I tried teaching but found it too different from our days of learning the language. :nunchuk:
We are not robots and can only do so much. If I try to overachieve, I may end up being really unbalanced and losing my self-worth.
I intend to outsource a bit more once I figure out how, like getting someone to child sit for a couple of hours once in a fortnight or something so I can spend time with my Ah Lau. -
Canvas:
I intend to outsource a bit more once I figure out how, like getting someone to child sit for a couple of hours once in a fortnight or something so I can spend time with my Ah Lau.
Yah, lemme know if you have a good child sitter. Would prefer to do this than disturb my old parents who cannot manage two active kids. -
Ok! :hi5:
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