How much household income is enough?
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Just thinking aloud, we talk about mums wanting to be SAHM. Conversely if your hubby wants to be a house husband, would you allow this? None of my friends allow their husbands to do so although financially it makes sense for the hubby to stay home. I wonder if this is a perception thing? My hubby always jokingly say that he should stay home but I don’t think I will ever "approve". I can’t explain this illogical thinking, just don’t feel good that hubby is not holding down a job
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i am hoping dh will quit and stay home for a few years. he has been working so hard for years and it is time for him to slow down and take a break but cant have my kit kat.
:evil:
a house husband doesnt have to be for years. at least, now he can understand the things sahm does 24/7. -
It all boils down to who earns more and can handle the kids better. In my case, I married a traditional hardworking Chinese man who can’t cook/ do housework and he earns much more than me annually so it is a no brainer that I should stay at home instead.
My ex-teaching colleague quitted his job after his Dentist wife gave birth. It made perfect financial sense I guess. -
Imp75:
Just thinking aloud, we talk about mums wanting to be SAHM. Conversely if your hubby wants to be a house husband, would you allow this? None of my friends allow their husbands to do so although financially it makes sense for the hubby to stay home. I wonder if this is a perception thing? My hubby always jokingly say that he should stay home but I don't think I will ever \"approve\". I can't explain this illogical thinking, just don't feel good that hubby is not holding down a job
:rotflmao: If husband can do the housework well, take care of kids, wife earns more and have stable job, then why not :?
If husband do housework and wife don't think is a well maintain house, then better don't. :siam: -
toddles:
Some are supportive to have SAHM wife, when kids are younger, then husband might become less supportive for wife to stay home, when kids start to attend school. :roll:
If he feels that way, then prob he prefers you to work. and if that's his stance, then it'd prob be an uphill journey for you to stay home.Imp75:
Yah you see, in terms of argument, I will lose because;
I can't keep the house as good as the maid
U can't teach as well so need to outsource
I can't drive so can't be a driver to kids
I might as well go outside earn money!! Maybe that's my forte! Man is so practical, there are no room for emotions involved
most gals I know who decide to stay home, have very very supportive hubbies who know they are taking the harder path. and thus have very few 'demands' wrt household stuff, whether they teach/cook etc as a means of saving money. in fact, they are usually willing to factor in paying for PT cleaner, cab fare etc. the plus is having the mum at home for the children as the main caregiver. -
I Think take home income 10k should be comfortable. At least after paying for all the loans you will still have enough for traveling.
If take home is around 5k, it will be tight after paying loan and more so if there are 3 kids. -
Sorry to borrow TS’s thread. I have a related question/situation so hope I can hear some people’s opinion.
My wife and I are both still working, she’s 14 weeks pregnant now. It’s been a tough 1st trimester, and hopefully her symptoms will improve. However, she’s not optimistic and feels dread when she’s going to work. As such she’s thinking about quitting and just wants to focus on giving birth. I empathise with her and wish that I could give her a good life too, but my take home salary is about $3,800.
Furthermore, our new flat is coming about the same time as the baby. So the costs of baby stuff and renovation will all be coming at the same time. We have savings about $30k, but dunno will it be enough anot.
Of course, the health and happiness of my wife and baby is top priority, but at the back of my mind i’m also thinking, if she can just hold out until she gives birth, it will help so much! Women are entitled to like 4 months maternity leave and get paid to rest! It’s like free money…
Has anyone been in this situation before? What was the final choice you made and how did you cope? -
nobodybutchiew:
This sounds really challenging. Can you elaborate what kind of discomfort is she facing? Morning sickness should usually go off by 12 weeks. But I also heard of friends who got it beyond that. For some other discomfort, maybe try talking to doctor to see what can help to reduce that. Maybe some of the ks mums here can offer advice as well.Sorry to borrow TS's thread. I have a related question/situation so hope I can hear some people's opinion.
My wife and I are both still working, she's 14 weeks pregnant now. It's been a tough 1st trimester, and hopefully her symptoms will improve. However, she's not optimistic and feels dread when she's going to work. As such she's thinking about quitting and just wants to focus on giving birth. I empathise with her and wish that I could give her a good life too, but my take home salary is about $3,800.
Furthermore, our new flat is coming about the same time as the baby. So the costs of baby stuff and renovation will all be coming at the same time. We have savings about $30k, but dunno will it be enough anot.
Of course, the health and happiness of my wife and baby is top priority, but at the back of my mind i'm also thinking, if she can just hold out until she gives birth, it will help so much! Women are entitled to like 4 months maternity leave and get paid to rest! It's like free money...
Has anyone been in this situation before? What was the final choice you made and how did you cope?
But from the way I read your message was your wife as a result of the discomfort dread going to work. I was just wondering if after giving birth, will she dread returning to work as she prefers to spend time with baby. Sorry if this sounds unsympathetic. I am a FTWM and I salute SAHM for their commitment however, affordablity as we can see really depends on one's lifestyle and what you want.
Personally, I have gone through 3 pregnancies. 2 with complications where babies are premature. The 3rd was bad. Nausea and bad appetite and then after 28th week, bp issues. I usually have to go on 2 months mc before delivery. Baby was premature and had to stay on in hospital for 2 weeks while I had to stay on for 1 week for my bp to stabilise. It cost us 10K+ for that stay. Not all can be covered by CPF. Luckily I had a supportive boss. I had colleagues who had pregnancy complications and were missing most of the time. Some were working from home during the period. So i guess this will depends on your wife's profession and whether her co. or boss is the supportive sort.
For me, I believe in one's mindset. Eg. I feel that single income is big no no for us due to our financial commitments. So despite the pregnancy complications, it never cross my mind to give up my job. Expenses will only increase when baby comes along and it is a upward trend. When you stop paying for milkpowder and diapers, you will start paying for enrichment lessons.... There is no end to it. But again, this depends on the lifestyle that you choose.
30k by today's cost of living is really not alot. -
MMM:
My wife's nausea was quite severe. Not just the feeling of nausea but full blown vomiting after every meal. Almost had to be hospitalised but luckily it relaxed out a little. Now with medication, she only vomits maybe once in two days, but is already past the 1st trimester so it's unfortunate she still has to endure this. Other symptoms she's going through are breathlessness, dizziness, headaches, cramps, constipation and piles. She finds it hard to focus on her work while undergoing all this at the same time.
This sounds really challenging. Can you elaborate what kind of discomfort is she facing? Morning sickness should usually go off by 12 weeks. But I also heard of friends who got it beyond that. For some other discomfort, maybe try talking to doctor to see what can help to reduce that. Maybe some of the ks mums here can offer advice as well.
But from the way I read your message was your wife as a result of the discomfort dread going to work. I was just wondering if after giving birth, will she dread returning to work as she prefers to spend time with baby. Sorry if this sounds unsympathetic. I am a FTWM and I salute SAHM for their commitment however, affordablity as we can see really depends on one's lifestyle and what you want.
Personally, I have gone through 3 pregnancies. 2 with complications where babies are premature. The 3rd was bad. Nausea and bad appetite and then after 28th week, bp issues. I usually have to go on 2 months mc before delivery. Baby was premature and had to stay on in hospital for 2 weeks while I had to stay on for 1 week for my bp to stabilise. It cost us 10K+ for that stay. Not all can be covered by CPF. Luckily I had a supportive boss. I had colleagues who had pregnancy complications and were missing most of the time. Some were working from home during the period. So i guess this will depends on your wife's profession and whether her co. or boss is the supportive sort.
For me, I believe in one's mindset. Eg. I feel that single income is big no no for us due to our financial commitments. So despite the pregnancy complications, it never cross my mind to give up my job. Expenses will only increase when baby comes along and it is a upward trend. When you stop paying for milkpowder and diapers, you will start paying for enrichment lessons.... There is no end to it. But again, this depends on the lifestyle that you choose.
30k by today's cost of living is really not alot.
Her boss is not the supportive sort. Strange considering that she herself is a mother. She told my wife to plan her MCs in the future to make sure it doesn't clash with other colleagues' leave. Ridiculous right?! How to plan such things? So end up my wife feels guilty if she has to take MC. This unsupportive work environment leads to her feeling more upset. it's a real pity, because considering the work that she's doing, her salary is really not bad.
My largest worry for her is that her character is the pessimistic sort. The hormones must have elevated this to a new level because I suspect she's going to have pre-natal depression. Our gynae feels the same way, but doesn't want to put her on anti-depressants just yet. He's given her a two week MC for her to ride out the symptoms. By that time she'll be in her 16th week. If nothing changes, he might have to give her anti-depressant medication (i'm rather worried how this will affect the baby).
Sigh.. I too, think that it's very difficult to be a single income family in Singapore. It's not like I'm earning $10k. I barely felt that $30k was enough for a new flat, let alone a new flat + a newborn.
Hopefully the hormones wears off and she feels better about her job. There's no guarantee anyway that she'll feel better if she quits her job. With our income cut in half, our purse strings might very well be her new worry. -
nobodybutchiew:
Yes, her case sounds pretty severe. Hopefully with 1st trimester passed, her condition will be significantly better. Has she tried small but frequent meals? My first trimester with the 2 girls were bad. The smell of the canteen can make me puke. Also while people enjoy their food at the restaurant, the look of it makes me sick. The \"blessing\" is that after delivery, I don't have much to lose since I was \"losing weight\" while pregnant.My wife's nausea was quite severe. Not just the feeling of nausea but full blown vomiting after every meal. Almost had to be hospitalised but luckily it relaxed out a little. Now with medication, she only vomits maybe once in two days, but is already past the 1st trimester so it's unfortunate she still has to endure this. Other symptoms she's going through are breathlessness, dizziness, headaches, cramps, constipation and piles. She finds it hard to focus on her work while undergoing all this at the same time.
Her boss is not the supportive sort. Strange considering that she herself is a mother. She told my wife to plan her MCs in the future to make sure it doesn't clash with other colleagues' leave. Ridiculous right?! How to plan such things? So end up my wife feels guilty if she has to take MC. This unsupportive work environment leads to her feeling more upset. it's a real pity, because considering the work that she's doing, her salary is really not bad.
My largest worry for her is that her character is the pessimistic sort. The hormones must have elevated this to a new level because I suspect she's going to have pre-natal depression. Our gynae feels the same way, but doesn't want to put her on anti-depressants just yet. He's given her a two week MC for her to ride out the symptoms. By that time she'll be in her 16th week. If nothing changes, he might have to give her anti-depressant medication (i'm rather worried how this will affect the baby).
Sigh.. I too, think that it's very difficult to be a single income family in Singapore. It's not like I'm earning $10k. I barely felt that $30k was enough for a new flat, let alone a new flat + a newborn.
Hopefully the hormones wears off and she feels better about her job. There's no guarantee anyway that she'll feel better if she quits her job. With our income cut in half, our purse strings might very well be her new worry.
But I share the view that depression is the key concern for her especially with those issues going on. With or without a job also another factor to worry..... Really not easy.
Maybe ask her to take it slow. Take one step at a time and buy time. If she really cannot take it, then resign. Provide your emotional support to her. Money though important cannot buy everything. In situations like that, we got to step back.
How about asking her to join some of those motherhood forum. So that she can talk about the problems she faced. She might come across other mothers who are in the same condition and that will provide some support on how to handle and emotionally as well.
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