PSLE 2012 - child has no interest to study
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HoSayLiao:
For children who refuse to study, u can try what my old neighbour did. He caned his son so hard until the next block can hear him crying. Can also try chasing him out of the house.
Oh dear. What type of parenting style is this? Your old neighbour just want an easy way. Which usually won't works. -
mummy so kiasu:
The child deserves it. Parenting is not stylish lah. Everyone is entitled to our own way. Is there a right or wrong?HoSayLiao:
For children who refuse to study, u can try what my old neighbour did. He caned his son so hard until the next block can hear him crying. Can also try chasing him out of the house.
Oh dear. What type of parenting style is this? Your old neighbour just want an easy way. Which usually won't works. -
cherrygal:
The TV is not the demon here. It's self-restraint. LJas' son can't see the consequences of his lack of self-restraint and lack of motivation. He's watching useless shows for the sake of watching. Perhaps he's using the TV to escape from the stress of his real world - the exams. He doesn't know any other way to manage this stress.
Parents must thus try to find ways to motivate him (go ask professionals like MindChamps etc), instead of focusing on his weak studies and trying to scare him into submission. Sometimes, getting outside help may turn the situation around. Some kids rather listen to a teacher than his own parents.
Totally agreed ! Reasons why a child loses his motivation could be he is discouraged for getting poor grades after trying so hard ... That is why parents need to step in to help build his confidence by either coaching or engaging help in his studies. -
Hi Ljas1370
I think, at this point, you may want to try to motivate your son from another angle. As parents we'll naturally want to explain to kids how impt PSLE is and how they should be more responsible etc, in the hope that they WAKE UP :evil:
But to many kids, the more they hear this, the more they're put off. 12yos are still young and they don't all have the maturity to deal with something so big, scary... looming over their head, getting closer and closer... and worse... NO ESCAPE. Schools, parents, tutors, remind them again and again and again of the consequences of not doing well. They're made to feel they hold their future in their hands. So, better not screw up! Even I feel super sian typing that
It can be difficult to motivate kids this way. I think, you may want to focus on making him feel good about sitting down to studying first. And to do that, don't remind him about being responsible... the big deadline... the goal... the ultimate prize etc. Just set smaller, easier to achieve objectives (two pgs? one pg? one section?), so he can feel accomplished. That can go a long way in helping him to feel positive about studying.
I also want to suggest not scolding him about watching TV, and, try to refrain from criticisms and labels such as lazy when you're concerned and yelling :evil:. You want to be his champion and not his enemy right now, yeah? It's easier for both of you if he doesn't feel that he has to fight you. Your relationship with your son is not worth sacrificing over a *ahem* silly little exam. :siam:
Perhaps the TV is his escape mechanism and he can avoid the worried feelings every time he thinks about books, worksheets and exams, and the sighs he can predict coming from dad and mum...
I agree that TV is a distraction, but it's not the reason he's not studying. When kids say they'll rather watch TV than hit the books, it's really literally the truth. It's much more fun and a lot less work!
I don't think he'll gravitate to his books even if you remove the TV. If you get him to sit at the table and he tunes his mind out, starts daydreaming or goofing off, you still won't achieve your goal. He will need some form of relaxation: something to take his mind off, something to look forward to. Hmmm. Maybe a sport? -
My son also driving me crazy! He didn’t complete his tution homework & tutor was very fed up, he simply ignore me when scolding him.
I will try another approach, not to harp & nag on homework that he need to finish, if he not able to "wake" up now, then i really raise my white flag, its really tiring. -
jessielu:
Children sometimes can get overwhelmed with homework especially if school already loading them with many worksheets (that is especially the case for upper primary).My son also driving me crazy! He didn't complete his tution homework & tutor was very fed up, he simply ignore me when scolding him.
I will try another approach, not to harp & nag on homework that he need to finish, if he not able to \"wake\" up now, then i really raise my white flag, its really tiring. -
I tried not to compare him with his cousin who is in same level, same school, same student care & same tutor! My son just lazy, he dun have the responsibility to complete all work before relaxation. Am i expecting too much from him??
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1. Set common goals. Sit down and have a proper talk (not nagging session, but give your child a chance to air his/her views). If your child has reached the stage where anything you say is ‘utter rubbish’, then probably rope in a respected adult to be the mediator. I’ve done this many times for my students. Sit down with the parents and go through expectations, future plans, immediate actions, etc.
2. Give your child some ‘breathing space’. Easier said than done?
The main point is to let your child know that if he/she can prove that he/she can be trusted to manage his/her own time, then you will gladly step back and not nag.
Give them opportunities to prove themselves while you observe. You will still step in if they did not keep their end of the deal. And they can’t argue anymore because the chance has been given to them.
3. "Interest" is very subjective and to some parents, ‘ability’ will cloud the child’s interest. The child’s past experiences will also affect his/her ‘interest’ in studying.
(a) Be upfront. Studying may not be the most interesting thing to do, but they have to do it.
(b) Giving up a little ‘freedom’ now to study hard and reaping the benefits in future is something some children can never understand. Rephrase this by adding in something they like. Example: If you study hard now, you can do well enough to get into a school with fantastic soccer group and you will have the chance to join the school team and play for the school!
Praise and reward goes a long way. Celebrate small baby steps. If you child managed to stick to the agreed timetable for the day, he/she deserves some praise, even if it was just for that day. Praising your child will encourage him/her to continue with the good behaviour.
Parents, if you are really having difficulty communicating with your child or getting the message across, please consider getting 3rd party help. Get an adult your child respects and will listen to to help you start the topic and be the mediator.
Many parents have told me that they told their kids the exact same thing I told them, but the kids do not want to listen to their parents, they only want to listen to the tutor/teacher.
And don’t keep repeating what you want to convey. Honestly, they may seem distracted, but they ARE listening. They may seem indifferent, but they DO know.
Say it once, remind them a second time. And stop. Don’t go on like a broken record. Simple actions like a sigh from you and they will know what they’ve done wrong. Children are sensitive and they know, even if they choose to act like they don’t. -
mrswongtuition:
1. Set common goals. Sit down and have a proper talk (not nagging session, but give your child a chance to air his/her views). If your child has reached the stage where anything you say is 'utter rubbish', then probably rope in a respected adult to be the mediator. I've done this many times for my students. Sit down with the parents and go through expectations, future plans, immediate actions, etc.
2. Give your child some 'breathing space'. Easier said than done?
The main point is to let your child know that if he/she can prove that he/she can be trusted to manage his/her own time, then you will gladly step back and not nag.
Give them opportunities to prove themselves while you observe. You will still step in if they did not keep their end of the deal. And they can't argue anymore because the chance has been given to them.
3. \"Interest\" is very subjective and to some parents, 'ability' will cloud the child's interest. The child's past experiences will also affect his/her 'interest' in studying.
(a) Be upfront. Studying may not be the most interesting thing to do, but they have to do it.
(b) Giving up a little 'freedom' now to study hard and reaping the benefits in future is something some children can never understand. Rephrase this by adding in something they like. Example: If you study hard now, you can do well enough to get into a school with fantastic soccer group and you will have the chance to join the school team and play for the school!
(c) Praise and reward goes a long way. Celebrate small baby steps. If you child managed to stick to the agreed timetable for the day, he/she deserves some praise, even if it was just for that day. Praising your child will encourage him/her to continue with the good behaviour.
Parents, if you are really having difficulty communicating with your child or getting the message across, please consider getting 3rd party help. Get an adult your child respects and will listen to to help you start the topic and be the mediator.
Many parents have told me that they told their kids the exact same thing I told them, but the kids do not want to listen to their parents, they only want to listen to the tutor/teacher.
And don't keep repeating what you want to convey. Honestly, they may seem distracted, but they ARE listening. They may seem indifferent, but they DO know.
Say it once, remind them a second time. And stop. Don't go on like a broken record. Simple actions like a sigh from you and they will know what they've done wrong. Children are sensitive and they know, even if they choose to act like they don't.
:goodpost: Thanks for sharing ! -
I'm really Clueless & don't know how to help my boy. He doesn't seem to mind his study! He don't complete the tution homework, don't complete school work etc. He can forgotten his half completed work! Did ask him whether he finish his work? He will say yes.
As he's in p6, i do not want to conduct daily checking on his bag/work, i hope he will develop a sense of responsibility but he was showing any despite over the months we gave him.
Received feedback that in scc, while teacher are going thru the explaination, he is not focusing and kept turning to see the others having tea break. Such act is being observed and feedback, when asked, he said he's hungry, even a few mins more he also cannot wait :(.
I felt so helpless on how to kick this bad habit & he doesn't seem to mind it. Sigh, what shall i do?
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