Husband drinks & stays out late - Does yours?
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I know this type of guys.
Unfortunately, this is his nature and even when he is past 60, he is going to be the same. Some people might still be a social cow as long as he lives.
Affair or not, hard to tell.
Only advice is, please take a look at yourself. You have no time for facial etc?
Well, time to manage your time better and reinvent yourself. Nagging or self pity will only turn him off.
There are plenty of self help books in the library. -
I am guessing you and your DH are still in your early to mid 30s?
DH was like that too. I am one of the luckier ones as in DH finally woke up and realise that his life cannot go on like that. He will lose his family if he does not make an effort to win us back. Not an easy or nice period that we went through. Very long story and similar to what you are going through now.
LOLmom is right in that you should make an effort to look after yourself. Not so much that you will look better but you will feel better if you put aside some time for yourself. Stop being the self sacrificial one. Tell him in no uncertain terms. Every other Saturday, he gotta handle the kids by himself for the day while you go spend the day with yourself or catch up with your friends. And when you get back you expect things to be in the same order as when you leave. Not a pile of mess for you to clear up.
You never know, if forced to spend time with the kids, he may find joy in it and make an effort to spend more time with them. -
Applecrisp , since you feel that no 3 rd party is involve then its probably his character. As you also mention that he likes drinking before marriage too. Usually men will only change after marriage if he loves his children alot or he has health problem. Other than that I always think men will be the same before and after marriage. The only thing he will change is temper. They will mellow as they get older.
Try to "treat him less nice". Play hard to get. Ignore him. Once in a while, tell him you have a date at night with some friends and really go out. Take this step only when you know for sure he loves his children. He will Kwai Kwai stay home and look after the kids. Dress up and look nice for yourself -
Agreed with what LOLMum, Funz and Peapot had said. You need your "ME" time. No need to feel guilty about it cos you need to re-charge yourself. Love yourself more - go doll up and meet your girlfriends.
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As a husband and a father, I’m saddened to read this thread.
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As a father of two, one daughter one son, would like to express some opinions. There can be many reasons why this thing is happening. But I guess if you have tried talking to him and it does not work, then maybe can consider other method. I came across one article recently that mentioned that daughters are the father's mistress in the previous life, just find it interesting. From the articles, i assume you have 2 young daughters. Maybe can try to tell him that daughters long very much to have more quality time with him, they do feel neglected when he's not around etc.....and see how it goes...I dun know about other men, but i seriously have a soft spot for my daughter although i dun make it obvious. Afterall we are all human, we will have some soft spots for certain people or certain things. if possible, try to get them more involved with the kids....for example fetching them from school etc. I have been fetching my gal since K1 till P5 now after school. I seriously find it very taxing with a full time sales job because the timing can be 3pm, 4pm or 5pm because school bus can't fetch staying back pupils, but whenever I see her happiness when she sees me waiting there for her, my heart just goes out to her....I am not an expressive person, but I feel very very happy inside my heart when I see her smile the moment she sees me.....thats why no matter how busy I am, I tried to fetch her because I don't want her to feel disappointed...Over the years, because of this bonding, whenever I goes out, she will call me and ask me how come 10pm i still haven't come back. i dun it nagging at all, in fact I feel very happy inside my heart that my daughter misses me when I am not at home...thats also why until today I did not take up any regional post no matter how attractive it is...Just for info, for my son whose in K2 taking school bus home, tried to wait for him downstairs for school bus before, first question he ask me how come KaKa never fetch him? I :slapshead: As long as the bonding with the kids improve, everything will just fall in place accordingly....
Just my humble opinion -
Hi hi,
I am new to this forum, to this website and I came accross yr posting because I am surfing the web for the same questions…
My situation is exactly the same as yrs, the reply from our husbands are exactly the same… I feel ur pain as I am feeling equally painful now…
Their actions continue on n on, repeatedly week after week…
I find that I am on the verge of getting into depression, that it affects my life… However I am trying very hard to come out of it… Being exercising, trying to restore back my confidence n my life…to love myself more…
I hope u can stay strong for yrself…Love yrself first n settle yr own heart n emotions. U are not alone… Let’s work together to see how we can improve the situation.
I hope u will l -
Xmasbaby:
This is a very encouraging post, but, what about your relationship your daughter's mother? Does your heart still flutter when you do things for her, like giving her a surprise out of her expectation? Or just the 2 of u make time to be together and go out without the kids?As a father of two, one daughter one son, would like to express some opinions. There can be many reasons why this thing is happening. But I guess if you have tried talking to him and it does not work, then maybe can consider other method. I came across one article recently that mentioned that daughters are the father's mistress in the previous life, just find it interesting. From the articles, i assume you have 2 young daughters. Maybe can try to tell him that daughters long very much to have more quality time with him, they do feel neglected when he's not around etc.....and see how it goes...I dun know about other men, but i seriously have a soft spot for my daughter although i dun make it obvious. Afterall we are all human, we will have some soft spots for certain people or certain things. if possible, try to get them more involved with the kids....for example fetching them from school etc. I have been fetching my gal since K1 till P5 now after school. I seriously find it very taxing with a full time sales job because the timing can be 3pm, 4pm or 5pm because school bus can't fetch staying back pupils, but whenever I see her happiness when she sees me waiting there for her, my heart just goes out to her....I am not an expressive person, but I feel very very happy inside my heart when I see her smile the moment she sees me.....thats why no matter how busy I am, I tried to fetch her because I don't want her to feel disappointed...Over the years, because of this bonding, whenever I goes out, she will call me and ask me how come 10pm i still haven't come back. i dun it nagging at all, in fact I feel very happy inside my heart that my daughter misses me when I am not at home...thats also why until today I did not take up any regional post no matter how attractive it is...Just for info, for my son whose in K2 taking school bus home, tried to wait for him downstairs for school bus before, first question he ask me how come KaKa never fetch him? I :slapshead: As long as the bonding with the kids improve, everything will just fall in place accordingly....
Just my humble opinion
To be a great father does not equate man to be great spouse. Just like women, men also need to learn to find the balance in his roles. Neglecting any one of them and you have problems.
Frankly, if my spouse comes home after midnight for stupid reasons like networking, I will likely change the door lock and teach him a lesson.
But I will take back my words here if, scenarios are such that he has been like this even before marriage.
This, I fully agree that you don't get married in order to change the other. You either learn to accept him as who he is, or, you are likely to be in for disputes if you think you can change him. -
I totally agree with what you have mentioned. A good father may not be a good husband. In this aspect, i must say i failed miserably
so still trying to put in effort to make the relationship better. But i must say that with the current education, financial stress etc that most parents are facing, sometimes we just overlook this area because we are all so held up by responsibilities. By the way i have been coaching my P5 girl since P1 for all subjects except Chinese outsourced. i guess because of that my wife bear with me abit lor..... -
A good man, a good friend, a good son, a good brother may not be a good husband cos some men marry not for love. So wife is way at the bottom of his priority list.
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