In-law problems?
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fifiyeo:
Me think they are very very very unhappy that you guys do not depend on them in any way. They have no bargaining power, no hold over you.Listen to this...
Now my ILs even want to come out with $$$ to employ a maid for us!! The world must be upside down!
Before (since several years back) FIL said we don't want to have a maid, that's our choice. So if we find it tough, it's our choice and our problem. MIL said her maidS are all very busy and hinted that if we got no maid, don't send kids over. If kids going over, must have maid follow over. Her maidS are all very busy so she can't ask anyof them to come help us out too.That's why our DC see them for about an hour a week or less these past few years.
Well, too bad. We don't need a maid so we are not falling for this carrot. Don't know why trying to be so \"nice\" lately!
Already learn from all the past experiences, once we start to be friendly and nice. They start to be BIG BULLIES again. This time, we'll just keep the distance. No more being nice anymore.
They are definitely dying to be the king and queen in your life.
Dream on, I say. -
For all of you who think that my ILs want to be king and queen over us…YES, I TOTALLY AGREE!!
Long ago we had a maid employed by them as they refused to let us chose and pay ourselves. They wanted our DC to go over everyday and the maid must be their choice and they employ using our names. No other option. We were stuck with that maid for a long time and she reports to them. When I told her to do certain things for my DC, she would say "Go ask your MIL!" I cannot even take my DC and the maid out without permission from my MIL. Otherwise, she’ll complaint and get FIL to lecture DH.
Finally we could not take it anymore. DH had a HUGE quarrel over this issue and we employed our own. Even then they tried to be the ones in control by giving the maid a lot of extra money. When the maid did something terrible and we wanted to fire her, she asked my MIL for help to talk to me. I said the maid had to be fired and MIL was not happy and has since left me to ‘die’ for the last few years till recent weeks!!
They punished us by not giving us any helping hand at all when we needed it most as we were both working and I had to drag the kids to work and everywhere we went. Kids were young then, so it was quite tough.
So you think, such people can suddenly feel bad and become angels??? I doubt!
Anyway, when DC were going over, MIL is never home and just leaves them to the maids all day long. Then she goes around telling people how she busy and tough her life was as she had to take care of her grandchildren. What lies! -
When I had indon maids then, she tried digging info from them…speak Malay mah. I told my maids I do not want them to tell her what is going on in my household. Tell her ‘mam doesnt like me to say anything’. If she wants to know what is in my fridge/cupboard, whether I go shopping or what I do, ask ME. If not, ‘ask sir’.
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Last time when my maid was new, it happened to me too. I parked my BB and maid at my PIL's place. Then my MIL found that it was just SO convenient to call my maid during the weekdays, when both hubby and I were working, to find out everything that has been going on in our household. To the extend of what time we come back usually, what time we eat dinner etc... :mad:
Then, the last straw came when my boy just started attending a new school, I was intending to tell my PIL the coming weekend myself. Turned out my maid told my MIL during one of the weekday call. I was so pissed I told my maid off! I asked my maid is she working for me or is she a spy in my house? Why tell \"aunty\" everything? Who gave her the right to tell \"aunty\" about my boy's new school? Does she need to tell \"aunty\" what time we go to bed too? :rant:
Not only that, when we were using a part-time cleaner (recommended by my MIL), same thing happened. The cleaner will tell my MIL which part is dirty lah, what new decorations are in my house lah.. No wonder during the weekends when we visit, my MIL can even tell me things about my own home without even visiting!
After I told my maid off, she stopped feeding my MIL with information already. I also thought shouldn't my MIL try to build a relationship with me instead of getting information from the maids the back-handed way?
No wonder sometimes she looked at me queerly (like hmmm.. you don't tell me I also know!). And no wonder last time she never asked me anything like how are we, how are the boy etc? When I found out, I also kept quiet. So now I know her game. If she wanted to find things out the roundabout way, let her try (I already warned my maid). I will not bother to make effort to update her anymore since she obviously preferred to hear from maids than from her daughter-in-law. Let her talk to the maids as she wished.
Very silly of my MIL. -
Share my horror stories. Can't help it when i saw the title of this thread.
I stayed with my in-laws while we waited for our house to be built. My MIL loved to beat me to collecting the mail so she could go through my letters. Esp credit card statements! I guessed she wanted to find out how much i earned and how much i spent... Month after month she had the cheek to return the opened envelopes to me with the excuse \"oh, sorry, i saw the wrong name.\" Aiyoh, my surname is very different from theirs! No way this can be an honest mistake.
After I decided to be a SAHM, she made endless snide remarks, always within my hearing, about how my SIL is \"sooooo capable! she can afford to pay for her own things!\" and during family dinners, always, ALWAYS, comments sadly to others that her oldest son has to work so hard to support his wife who \"just wants to sits at home even though she also has a law degree.\" Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Just typing that makes me want to :stupid:
I know my MIL definitely wants to be queen bee and wants to lord over me in a million ways, too bad for her my dh is a loving (and peace-loving) husband haha. -
Its not funny!!
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well…well…welll !!! -
Udon:
What an interesting theoryGive MIL a lot of money for monthly expenses....
Most of the MIL loves $$$$
Maybe you wives hv control the husband $$$, so she will be upset that her son being taken away.....
But may have some truth......$$$ is one thing they cannot get over with. Mine always try to push hand-me-downs over & stop me from getting new things.....well, as time went, I turned pretty resentful of her behaviour & stopped being so obedient. Realised once we have the support of DH, they will not be so pushy. :roll:
But I will not give MIL anymore $$. By letting her stay with us & rent out her whole flat (endup I have to bear & suffer all her nonsense), she is already making thousands extra per month with zero outlay. -
I gave my MIL big angbao during CNY, buy her diamond n branded wallet during Xmas n birthday, in fact I m more generous towards her than her own children. Yet, I was mistreated by her. I dun think money is the issue here, she simply think I snatch her son from her n jealous when DH treats me well
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That old one asked my maid to accompany her to the toilet…obviously it is more like fishing info…the toilet was nearby, and she was fit enough to go by herself. I called my maid and asked her where she was going. She said she was asked by old one to accompany her to loo. After that, the old one said she doesn’t need to use the loo.
From that incident, I told all my maids to answer only 2 questions when they happened to meet old one:
1) name
2) maid’s age
Anything else, ask me. Tell her I do not like them to talk so much.
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