Do you cane your daughters when they misbehave?

[concern2]

janice75:

thin cane causes more sting and easier to cause bleeding

Oh yeah, didn't think of the bleeding part..

[Ichigokun]

Pffttt.


Anyone here canes their children just because they were playing computer games?

My mom does. Very irritating, I mean, just what is wrong with going on the Internet for a maximum of 3 hours daily for Facebook and stuff.

Seriously I don’t understand her, so unreasonable

.. Especially when I have no important big national exams this year and she simply pisses me off when I’m banned from the computer, iPhone, tv, all that crap when it’s not even exam period --

[Ichigokun]

FELYN:

sunset_dae:

when im too angry, i dun even bother to go and find a cane, just pull his ears! :x

Oh yes my cane my children when they are young but not after sec1 :x

Haiz. Better than my mom. I'm sec one alr and she still canes me for the 芝麻绿豆鸡毛蒜皮 kind of small things

[Ichigokun]

MrsSeah:

noobparent:

But I have found an even better punishment. I throw her out of the house and close the gate.

My colleague does this when his son is young. Now secondary, wherever she scolded him, he will just leave the house for a few days.

Scold only 就离家出走. I kena cane also never 离家出走. :X

[hsm]

Ichigokun:

MrsSeah:

[quote=\"noobparent\"]
But I have found an even better punishment. I throw her out of the house and close the gate.

My colleague does this when his son is young. Now secondary, wherever she scolded him, he will just leave the house for a few days.

Scold only 就离家出走. I kena cane also never 离家出走. :X[/quote]I will be extremely hurt if my child did this to me..

[hsm]

How do you deal with older kids like 12 & above? example when they lie.. I have never cane my girls before.. and will not.. cos they have been well behaved when young..


however when they grow older, they seem to be closer to friends instead to the parents.. she easily got influence from friends.. my girl has been very 'shy and quiet' since young.. now that she has a few 'close friends' (i was quite happy initially cos she is usually by oneself and does not mix around), i got even more worried when i found her took the iphone (which i kept it which belongs to her) without permisson to message her friends (cos she says Whatspp is free!).. She still has a normal mobile phone for call or sms... I have told her she must ask for permission if she needs to use it.. I was very disappointed with her for taking it secretly and hiding it on her bed and thought that i will not realise...

[Sun_2010]

hsm:

How do you deal with older kids like 12 & above? example when they lie.. I have never cane my girls before.. and will not.. cos they have been well behaved when young..


however when they grow older, they seem to be closer to friends instead to the parents.. she easily got influence from friends.. my girl has been very 'shy and quiet' since young.. now that she has a few 'close friends' (i was quite happy initially cos she is usually by oneself and does not mix around), i got even more worried when i found her took the iphone (which i kept it which belongs to her) without permisson to message her friends (cos she says Whatspp is free!).. She still has a normal mobile phone for call or sms... I have told her she must ask for permission if she needs to use it.. I was very disappointed with her for taking it secretly and hiding it on her bed and thought that i will not realise...

Feel your hurt hsm. :hugs:

The think about us moms is we want our children to ask permission, and yet when they do we refuse point blank. When you have cooled down emotinally , have a chat with her. Explain why you think her behaviour is not acceptable. Let her know that she has to ask you. And when she does give her some leeway. And if you feel what she is asking is too much, try not to lose temper. Explain to her rationally why the answer is no .

Once they are into the teens they will test boundaries, you cant hold the strings too tight, for no matter whether you let or not , they will explore once they get an idea. There is no point to crush such thoughts. Try to be strict with minimal issues so that it is more effective. Let go in small issues. In some let her kow you are not happy but let her do if she wants to. As long as she confides , shares with you at least you can give her sane advise.

Not easy, having a DD myself , i know how emotional I can get when things go against my defination of acceptable, but remember your bond is more important than any issue. Hold on to that bond , that is what she will rely on when she needs you.

Happy Parenting :snuggles:

[hsm]

hi Sun_2010


Thanks for the comforting words Had a good talk with my girl again.. and felt much better.. kids reaching teenage is a different phase.. will continue to do more activities together to maintain good bonding

[fightingmom]

I bought a cane when my DD was in P1 because i caught her telling lies twice. So the cane was a warning and reminder to her not to repeat the same act. I am glad so far i do not need to use it and that i will never use it. :xedfingers:


My DD in general is rather well behaved. She listens to reasons and when she was younger, she loves to ask \"WHY, mummy?\" especially when she did something wrong or say something that we do not approve of. DH and i will take the opportunity to explain and give some senarios why such behaviour or words are not appropriate if we can think of any.

I guess as our children proceed to their next stage, teenager stage, it might be a different \"ball game\". I foresee they would want more \"space\", freedom, concerned about self image and yes, probably friends are more important than mummy or daddy. IMHO, I believe that maintaining an open communication line with them, that is, they know we will always be there and be ready to listen when they need us is very important.

[aurorin]

My DD is only 3 and a half. I have never thought that there will be a day when i would need to cane or any other type of physical punishment. I think that type of disciplining style just doesnt sit well with my own personality. Dont think i have the capability to 'hurt' anything, much less a child even if its for their own good.


So i play to my strengths i guess... i am a quiet person by nature and one things i do do well is waiting people out and not get fazed easily. My DD used to whine/cry/tantrum when she doesnt get her way. I can literally be around her, not say a word while she work herself out (since she is busy screaming, no point saying much cos she is not going to listen) and reaffirm what i said (i.e. No means no. We are going to do XYZ). It takes time and patience but it doesnt bother me very much to have her scream and shout, and even at 1+yrs, i think she knew how it is exhausting for her and not so much for me. I think Kids have that amazing ability to know when the people they are dealing with are fazed and push it to their advantage.

I dare say, even at my DD's age, sometimes she get all indignant and sulky cos i dont respond to her tantrums the way she wanted and just calmly do my things. On and off when her tantrum cycle is at a dip (when the crying gets a bit softer or she running outta energy), i will pop over and smiles sympathically saying, \"Feeling better now? Let's go wash up?\". If she thinks i am caving in and asked for what i say she cant have, i just tell her \"Sorry, Mommy said XYZ right?\". If that gets her going again, i just tell her \"Looks like you are not ready and still upset, it's okie.. Mommy will be there when you are ready for a hug, wash up and XYZ\".

After a while, she will take that hug, the help in washing up and doing XYZ cos that beats having nothing. When it all blows over, then i talk to her about it with explanation and reasoning she can understand. And i teach her about apologizing too (sometimes she say she dont like Mommy or pushes me when she was out of control). After that, we are all good.

Please to say, this work pretty well for the both of us. Now she hardly ever tantrums with me (still do it occasionally with my Hubby esp when i am not around, cos i think he deals with her in a more 'discipline' but inconsistent way). Our relationship is very close and i usually dont have to raise my voice to stop her from doing anything. At most i count 3,2,1 and bring her to do what i need her to do but i hardly need to get to 2, and she moves.

Things will change as DD is growing up and i am sure new situations will come up but i dont think i will use a cane ever. Other parents/kids will have different experiences of cos which i think we all find what work best for our own situation.

In short, i think for me discipline has to,
1) Resonate (with my own personality and thinking style)
2) Reliable (having to deal with a child in a consistent and predictable manner, from young)
3) Reasonable (demands and expectations should correspond to the child's developmental age)

My 2 and half cents.