Husband drinks & stays out late - Does yours?
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I read LOLMum post somewhere about how to make the hubby feel welcome coming home, and looks like snowball applied it to perfection! Fantastic, really happy for you! Hope I don’t sound like an MCP, but I think you are on to something, and perhaps if you indulge him and make him feel special, rather than kick up a big fight, this might do the trick for you and your family.
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hokkiengirl:
Wah... I super like your last sentence - so much like a slogan !Chenonceau:
hokkiengirl... you are amazing. I completely agree. I would do the same to bring the balance of power back onto an even keel.
Ha ha I come from a family with lots of conflict, so I've lived most of life trying to be the mediator and being 'nice' to minimise the yelling. My siblings ended up really aggressive instead. Classic textbook case of what conflict does to children, hor?
I really gave in A LOT to the hubby (before he reformed) and did child-care duties alone day and night and on weekends, too! His reason was that he was working and needed to de-stress. :razz: At some point, I broke emotionally. I decided that this was no way for my children to live. Even if there were 'peace' in the family, it would be a fake peace based on their mother's suffering. So I initiated this big quarrel with the hubby. To cut a long story short, we went for counselling, he changed day by day, by the grace of God. Today, we rub along just fine because he no longer treats me like his dad treated his mum...
Thankfully, women in Singapore have more choices because we have more education. Even if I did not have a degree and were not able to earn much, I would still do what I did. Girls, we are worth it!!! (macham L'Oreal ad
)
Came across this :
The woman came from a man's rib.
Not from his feet to be walked on.
Not from his head to be superior to,
But from the side to be his equal.
Under the arm to be protected, and
Next to the heart to be loved.
And yes, we are definitely worth it. Don't let anyone erode our self worth and respect. :imcool: -
fightingmom:
Yeah, fighting mum!! And, er, I also love korean dramas. I love that phrase 'fighting', too!!! And the hand must be clenched into a fist and pumped into the air! :rahrah:
Wah... I super like your last sentence - so much like a slogan !
Came across this :
The woman came from a man's rib.
Not from his feet to be walked on.
Not from his head to be superior to,
But from the side to be his equal.
Under the arm to be protected, and
Next to the heart to be loved.
And yes, we are definitely worth it. Don't let anyone erode our self worth and respect. :imcool: -
hokkiengirl:
Oh yeah ! :hi5:
Yeah, fighting mum!! And, er, I also love korean dramas. I love that phrase 'fighting', too!!! And the hand must be clenched into a fist and pumped into the air! :rahrah:fightingmom:
Wah... I super like your last sentence - so much like a slogan !
Came across this :
The woman came from a man's rib.
Not from his feet to be walked on.
Not from his head to be superior to,
But from the side to be his equal.
Under the arm to be protected, and
Next to the heart to be loved.
And yes, we are definitely worth it. Don't let anyone erode our self worth and respect. :imcool: -
Oh, must add: must sayang the men, too! Must state for the record that my reformed hubby is not at my beck and call. He doesn't come home early every weekday night, either because of work or because he is meeting friends for dinner or sipping his cuppa alone at a coffee joint. How do I feel about it? It's been so many years that I'm used to it. I kinda enjoy my 'me' time alone before he gets home. And when he returns, we chat and laugh and, ahem, do other stuff. :imanangel:
In return, he is there for the kids during the weekends and he will babysit when I need to go out once in a looong while. Some may say our relationship is still imbalanced; I say we have found a comfortable place where we respect each other, have our own space and are happy as a family. I think the key is not to expect a miraculous change overnight, but to slowly , see-low-lee, find the sweet spot. Maybe the men are built to come running after us again once they see how we are strong and independent! -
hokkiengirl:
:udawoman: .Oh, must add: must sayang the men, too! Must state for the record that my reformed hubby is not at my beck and call. He doesn't come home early every weekday night, either because of work or because he is meeting friends for dinner or sipping his cuppa alone at a coffee joint. How do I feel about it? It's been so many years that I'm used to it. I kinda enjoy my 'me' time alone before he gets home. And when he returns, we chat and laugh and, ahem, do other stuff. :imanangel:
In return, he is there for the kids during the weekends and he will babysit when I need to go out once in a looong while. Some may say our relationship is still imbalanced; I say we have found a comfortable place where we respect each other, have our own space and are happy as a family. I think the key is not to expect a miraculous change overnight, but to slowly , see-low-lee, find the sweet spot. Maybe the men are built to come running after us again once they see how we are strong and independent!
Yes, we try to find a balance that suits each other in this relationship. And marriage is hard work ! 要为我们下一站幸福 - 加油！ fighting ! :rahrah: -
Hi everyone
It’s 4:48am and I am waiting for hubby to come home. He told me this evening he was going for a "short" drink and would be back by 9+pm. Guess his concept of time is all screwed up. Called him and the line is dead.
I wasn’t expecting to get so many response from this thread but I’m glad there’s a place I can rant and appreciate all the listening & contributions. Snowball, I duno whether to be happy or sad that there are mummies who are experiencing the same crap as me but at least I know I am not not alone.
While I agree it’s probably difficult to change the man, I am wondering how long more I can take this. Eg one day last week, I told hubby I was working late and needed him to go home earlier to do spelling with my k2. He said ok. When I reached home at 9+, he was no where to be found and I Heard from mil he called home to say he was going out for drinks. He came back eventually after 12. Grr … I was really mad cos I entrusted him with a task and he simply ignored it!!! Didn’t even have the cheek to tell me straight.
Lesson learnt which I will pass to my girls in future: look for a man who is allergic to beer, wine, liquor!!! -
I duno to say I am fuming mad or utterly disappointed with the man I married. I stayed awake the whole night, called his HP man times with no success and as me and mil started to wonder if something had happened, he appeared at the door at 6:30am. He claimed his HP battery was dead, couldn’t call a valet and fell asleep in the car.
Am I being stupid here?? Why am I worrying for someone while he’s out having fun?? Whilst he apologized for making the family worry, I know deep in my heart he would never be sorry. When he got into the car accident he also apologized. The next two months was back to late night drinking and today’s incident is really testing my limits!
If you see someone at work with red swollen eyes, pls dun ask if that’s me -
Snowball,
Great! So happy for you!
And yes, you must do the things that make you happy. For a time I felt my husband was not helping out enough, then I decided to look at it the other way - I get total autonomy! So I set about arranging the house, doing it up, buying things that make me happy when i look at them. Then the husband became very interested too.
You must also learn to take care of yourself physically. Just because we are SAHM or wahm doesn’t mean we are Ah Sohs. As long as I am not mopping the floor, I am in casual smart wear. I recycle old t- shirts as rags and I am always color coordinated, right down to my lingerie. I do this for myself, and for my parents (so they know that their daughter is doing well and no need to worry about her), plus in case I run into any former colleagues or my husband’s colleagues.
After a while, the husband started changing his clothes too. He said the kids and I are so well dressed he cannot go out in old shorts anymore, keke. -
hokkiengirl:
I like this sharing too!! :goodpost:Oh, must add: must sayang the men, too! Must state for the record that my reformed hubby is not at my beck and call. He doesn't come home early every weekday night, either because of work or because he is meeting friends for dinner or sipping his cuppa alone at a coffee joint. How do I feel about it? It's been so many years that I'm used to it. I kinda enjoy my 'me' time alone before he gets home. And when he returns, we chat and laugh and, ahem, do other stuff. :imanangel:
In return, he is there for the kids during the weekends and he will babysit when I need to go out once in a looong while. Some may say our relationship is still imbalanced; I say we have found a comfortable place where we respect each other, have our own space and are happy as a family. I think the key is not to expect a miraculous change overnight, but to slowly , see-low-lee, find the sweet spot. Maybe the men are built to come running after us again once they see how we are strong and independent!
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