2012 PSLE Discussions and Strategy
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How to deal with over confident child ?
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Hmmmm… there is another psychologist in Singapore with a PhD in Human Motivation? As far as I knew, I am the only one. May I know whom? I will PM you for this.
It’s none of my business and I dun wanna seem pushy… but you do need to be careful. I know teens (in top schools) who say that once they are adult and can earn a living, they’ll move out and GIRO money to their Moms… never to see them again. Don’t let schoolwork destroy the relationship with your child. The foul moods that you visit upon your child because you lose control of your anger will come back to haunt you when your child is older and too big to fear you.
Don’t motivate with fear. Please? For the sake of your child and you.
Parents whom I have advised in the past on motivation issues always end up telling me… "My boy is born that way. He needs psychological help." Invariably, when I personally work with the child in One-to-Pair Motivation Therapy sessions, the child responds to me and the parent is very surprised.
Don’t give up hope on your child.
It may be because your bad temper gets in the way of you being able to properly motivate your child. In my moments of greatest fear for my son’s Chinese… in my moments of despair… those were also moments when I had to discipline my emotions so that I could give my son the positive energy he needed to keep going when he didn’t FEEL like it. My son NEVER knew how worried I was because all he saw was "It’s alright. Let’s keep at it and things will be fine. Stay focused and do what I tell you to do."
It’s tough on the Mother but it is worth it. Your son will love you more… and be very grateful that you were there… gently by his side when he had no motivation to keep going or stay on task.
But well… please don’t get offended. I shan’t post anymore… and I wish you all the best.[/quote]
Not offended. Don’t worry. Actually happy that you wrote and reminded me. I just PM you. Would like to chat more with you. -
worried parents:
How to deal with over confident child ?
The yaya papaya? Am no expert but am familar with this.
I always remind her of the tortoise and the hare and how the hare loses.
I even have pictures of the tortoise next to her study table.
DD only has this problem with her stronger subjects. -
PiggyLalala:
Thanks a bunch Piggy! Did you receive the article I sent?
Thank you for sharing. I love reading yr posts on motivation. -
Chenonceau:
Hi Chen, just checked my email. Don't have the article leh.
Thanks a bunch Piggy! Did you receive the article I sent?PiggyLalala:
Thank you for sharing. I love reading yr posts on motivation.
Just to share with u. Ds1 and I seemed to have lesser conflicts this yr.
though he is still very stubborn over some issues. My friends say it is because he is more matured now as compared to p6 and sec1.
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PiggyLalala:
Hi Chen, just checked my email. Don't have the article leh.
Thanks a bunch Piggy! Did you receive the article I sent?Chenonceau:
[quote=\"PiggyLalala\"]
Thank you for sharing. I love reading yr posts on motivation.
Just to share with u. Ds1 and I seemed to have lesser conflicts this yr. though he is still very stubborn over some issues. My friends say it is because he is more matured now as compared to p6 and sec1.[/quote]That's great! My DS is starting now. He used to be such a sweet Little Boy but I guess he is going into the Separation-Integration stage now. I got scolded for questioning whether he could manage the workload in his planned revision schedule. I backed off... now waiting for him to melt down.
Yesterday, we had an sms exchange that looked like this...
DS: I have Higher Chinese today.
Me: Don't go. Pontang. I will write an excuse for you.
DS: You said I can go.
Me: You know it is a waste of time. But if you insist, go.
DS: I insist. I insist.
I hate the Adolescence Stage. :razz:
Can you send me an email for me to respond to? I think your Firewall may have blocked my mail. -
Chenonceau:
:goodpost:[
(5) Never blow up in any of the cycles. Feeding your child negative energy is like feeding him spring water with a drop of petroleum. If you drink that kind of water, your energy immediately wilts and you feel sick. Feed your child clean and pure emotional spring water so that he feels refreshed every time he comes to you. This allows him to make it through the NEXT feedback cycle. If he has made a mistake, just comment, ask and GENTLY get him to go back and re-do.
Thanks for a great post. This has really set me thinking a lot.
I like that you've highlighted \"gently\" several times. This is one area I struggle most with. In normal times, I've no problems hugging and affirming my kids. Just in the midst of the teaching/learning process, I find it really hard to be gentle and affirm. Haven't quite figured out why it's particularly hard for me during those moments? Childhood memories?
I've most trouble NOT blowing up with my DD whose in P5. What happens when I as a parent have lost control & say some terrible things in the fit of anger? What might be important steps I could take before I start the whole cycle of learning again? I've tried different things. For eg I made an agreement with DD that I'm not allowed to teach her if I lost my temper so that it gives me a \"cooling off\" period. But I've found it incredibly difficult to maintain my cool especially when dealing with DD. -
janet_lee88:
Daiso. Actually I used it in the kitchen but realized it's more practical for him :evil: I don't like those digital ones.[/quote]I use the digital ones to have DS time each problem sum he does. 5 marks sums he's given 6-7mins. 3 marks sums : 3-4 mins, 4marks sums : 4-5 mins. He finds it motivating when he is able to do it accurately and within the time limit. The time counts down for each sum he does and he writes down the time he took. This gives him feedback and keeps him focused. But it can cause interference if the sum is particularly difficult and your child is no where near solving it. But I tell my kids, If you are nowhere near after 3mins, move on to the next sum.
:hi5: i also bought a timer last year to time my DD. This year she automatic takes out and time herself but usually she sets about 10-15mins earlier to remind herself to use the balance time to check through the paper.fightingmom:
[quote=\"janet_lee88\"]Ok, son brought home all the SA papers today...what's done is done. So now, all the work he has to do will be timed. I put a red tomato design timer on his table...loud enough to scare day lights out of him when it buzzes.
Speed and accuracy...
Your tomato design timer sounds cool ... where you bought yours ? Mine is a simple one i bought from daiso -
Hi-yah! Why didn't I think of the tomato timer?? :slapshead: I made DD use a watch and then I watched her to see if she was keeping time! :faint:
But more seriously, time management during a paper is critical so \"tomato timer and all\" is excellent practice. -
psle2011mum:
Son's tutor told him to time himself when attempting homework with comprehension passage...set 45 min and when timer rings, make an indication which question he is at. He has to time himself for all work done now. I found that for eng paper 2, he has to finish the whole thing in 90 min.Hi-yah! Why didn't I think of the tomato timer?? :slapshead: I made DD use a watch and then I watched her to see if she was keeping time! :faint:
But more seriously, time management during a paper is critical so \"tomato timer and all\" is excellent practice.
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