Will you treat Daughter-In-Law and Daughter Equally?
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yes off course i will treat my daughter and daughter in law equally. I wont show partiality between them.
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I think i can strive to be FAIR to future DIL and DD. If DD is wrong, i wouldnt say she is right to put down DIL. Vice versa. I think that's just good parenting.. doesnt matter DIL or DD or DS or even DH...
But it's impossible to treat both the same or equally because the nature of the bond and relationship is different. That said, i think it is very possible that i can develop a love for the future DIL over time if there's mutual understanding and respect. But i would not expect to have that love from either party at the onset.
Anyway, in all things, it takes two hands to clap...
I wouldnt force the issue. 
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will the daughter treat her mother and mother in law equally?
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LOLMum:
will the daughter treat her mother and mother in law equally?
Haha, the answer is 'NO'. Similarly, I don't expect my MIL to treat me and her DD equally. -
LOLMum:
will the daughter treat her mother and mother in law equally?
Hahaha good question!
Similarly, i am fair towards my mom and MIL. Several times i put my mom in her place when she was unfair to my MIL, vice versa... but no, i dont love them the same or treat them equally.
Unfortunately, it doesnt seem that there will be much love developing between MIL and I due to our very different outlooks and perspectives with regards to family issues. Well, no biggie
Respect will still be given when respect is due!
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It depends on the person as a mum+mil…coz my mum treats her dil much much better than me,her daughter…simply coz she 重男轻女，so 爱屋及屋！& she is so extreme & outright(as in she doesn’t even bother to hide),that over a few extreme matters(even till lately),that made me so depressed that I was having suicidal thoughts for quite a while…coz I can’t understand what have I done to deserve such extreme unfair treatment!!& it’s not as if my bro & his wife is much more filial than me+my hubby!! Just quote 1 obvious eg,when my parents need financial help to clear some bank loans(coz interest was snowballing),my bro & his wife-to-be(at that time),rejected flatly to help,citing reasons as they need $ to do Reno for their new Hse,& when I suggest delaying Reno,coz they only getting married 1yr later,she gave stupid excuse,saying can’t coz scared Hse empty too long will haf ghost!!wth!
End up me+my Sis fork out $ to help parents tide over crisis!!
& juz coz my mum is bias,even though they so 大逆不道,she never put it to heart+accepted their crap excuse…but easily forgotten daugthets’ help & just last mth,said something that hurts me a lot till I was into serious depression…shd said '你是嫁出去的，不用管这么多！＂can someone tell me how I shd feel?how shd I treat my mum? She behaving as if she is my step-mum,not my real mum!!
I was extremely upset,coz whenever she had problem,financial or whatever,she looks for me…NOT my bro!! The only thing I can think of is,I don’t suck up to her!! Like my sil…very pretentious person… Know how to curry flavor…
I seriously think I won’t cry at her death bed… Am i wrong?? -
You’re not alone. My mom suffered the same fate as you. She’s always ranting that her parents preferred their DIL to her. We think that’s becoz the parents were hoping that the son will look after them when they are old mah… as you said it, 爱屋及屋.
DD and DIL hard to compare lah. My MIL has no DD but shows preference for a certain DIL coz she favours the younger son… even their kid gets preference over mine… realli 爱屋及屋. My MIL better go ask that favourite son and DIL to look after her. -
cherrygal:
Impossible......You're not alone. My mom suffered the same fate as you. She's always ranting that her parents preferred their DIL to her. We think that's becoz the parents were hoping that the son will look after them when they are old mah... as you said it, 爱屋及屋.
DD and DIL hard to compare lah. My MIL has no DD but shows preference for a certain DIL coz she favours the younger son... even their kid gets preference over mine... realli 爱屋及屋. My MIL better go ask that favourite son and DIL to look after her.
Favorite son means love them most = dun want to trouble them = anything they say goes ie. fav son say NO, I cannot take care of you means NO. And normally, fav also means most inconsiderate and spoilt. :roll: At least that's how it goes over my end......blindly loves and even when she knows the fav is in the wrong, will give reason to bail him out of any situation. Feel so unfair for DH...... -
cherrygal:
It's impossible to treat them both the same. Simply put, mil only believes in her children. Miner here treats son-in-law & daughters-in-law as outcast. My hubby is her favorite son. She prefers grandson, yet never once asked what he likes to eat. She only good in one thing-NATO (no action, talk only). Hubby's youngest bro gives her the most pocket money, and she uses the money to smoke. Eats cheap cheap food from downstairs so that she can buy more cigarettes while his father takes the money to buy beer. Both of them are haggard, weak and look very old.You're not alone. My mom suffered the same fate as you. She's always ranting that her parents preferred their DIL to her. We think that's becoz the parents were hoping that the son will look after them when they are old mah... as you said it, 爱屋及屋.
DD and DIL hard to compare lah. My MIL has no DD but shows preference for a certain DIL coz she favours the younger son... even their kid gets preference over mine... realli 爱屋及屋. My MIL better go ask that favourite son and DIL to look after her. -
No, I don’t think I will treat d and dil the same although I believe I shd treat them the same.
I don’t really believe in "blood is thicker than water" either. Think about this - a child was raised by the foster parents. The foster parents treat this child well for many years, until the child grows up. Then the child got to meet his own parents one day. Do you think this child will be closer to foster parents or natural parents?
I don’t think I will treat my dil the same as my d because dil doesn’t grow up in my care. The time spent is just not enough to nurture the bond. My d (if I have one) and i would probably have lived twenty years together before. Dil? Will I get to stay with her for twenty years? Will dil even think of staying with hubby and me in the first place???
But say I Adopted a baby girl who grew up under my care, fallen in love with my son and then they get married. Ah, I think I would treat this dil the same as my d. Because the bond is there, since young…
I believe I shd treat d and dil the same though. Red packets shd be same size, each shd get to choose her fav food if there is a choice (if one can’t choose, the other cannot choose too). My mum does it this way. She has her favorites of course but she’s lucky - my sils are years my senior. I am a little princess at home, since my brothers and sils are at least 7 years older than me.
My mil does not practise "fairness". She would cook what her children request, even if that means I don’t get to eat. For instance, I hate salted veg soup but her d loves it. She would cook salted veg soup even if I am coming over for dinner (we don’t eat at her place everyone), even if it means I have no soup to drink (and in laws know I loves soup).
I am not happy about it but I don’t gripe. Because I don’t treat my mum and mil the same too! Ha!
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