My 3.5 years old girl keep saying she is bored!

[nanana]

Thanks all for your help!

Although she has many puzzles at home, will get new ones for her.

Water color is good, just that I am afraid she will make a mess around the house.
Outdoor play is good, pick fallen leaves? She loves it! I ever let her pick some leaves and she enjoyed it very much. Will bring her out more often to the park.

[nanana]

These few days my girl has been extremely cranky. She doesn't mention bored anymore but she develops a lot of nonsense behavior, talk non stop and cry a LOT.

She can talk and talk and talk and demand that we listen to her. I have to acknowledge her by saying \"Ok\" or \"hmm\" or \"ya\" or \"yes\".. etc. If not she will repeat again and again what she just said and cry. She gets irritated when her ideas are not heard and responded.

She used to be good. But now she cries easily. She wants only HER WAY. If not she will make a big fuss out of it.
Example, she wants her pillow and handkerchief to be put on her bed the exact shape and location she placed them. She said I cannot touch it. If I touch it, she will get angry and cry and want me to put it back the exact shape and way it used to be. There are lots more nonsense from her from the time she wakes up till her bedtime. She talks non stop and demands lots of attention. When she wants something, she wants it no matter what. If I don't give it to her, she will cry heavily and create a scene.

She makes me very frustrated these few days and never fails to make me angry.
I have been thinking if there is something that trigger her change in behavior. But there are nothing except that my dad was hospitalized and I had to go to the hospital to visit him and leave my girl with my mother in law or sometimes with my husband if he can take leave.

Is she feeling insecure? HELP......

[ammonite]

It’s not that she used to be ‘good’, and has become bad. It is that she is growing and discovering emotions and opinions (may or may not be due to the recent changes in daily routine) and you are both unsettled by this. She sounds like she wants more attention and interaction, and she needs a rough routine for greater predictability. You should have fixed time when you do things with her and reallyfocus on her, and then time when she has to entertain herself - about half an hour max - but still in the same room as you. let small things go - eg pillow and handkerchief, after all these are HER things. Work in regular outdoor time with her, it is also a good time for you to get out and meet other adults. Consider if she is getting enough sleep. If she has just dropped her nap, she may still not be able to cope with it fully and may need a rest time. If she started school this year, she may be tired/ excited from it and needs to unwind. Some kids need to talk a lot to unwind. Others need to be left alone. This is all normal. If there are other changes in her behavior, try to talk to her to find out if something is unsettling her.

[ammonite]

Oh one more very common one - ask her if anyone said that if she doesn’t behave, she cannot go home, or mummy won’t come back.

[nanana]

ammonite:

It's not that she used to be 'good', and has become bad. It is that she is growing and discovering emotions and opinions (may or may not be due to the recent changes in daily routine) and you are both unsettled by this. She sounds like she wants more attention and interaction, and she needs a rough routine for greater predictability. You should have fixed time when you do things with her and reallyfocus on her, and then time when she has to entertain herself - about half an hour max - but still in the same room as you. let small things go - eg pillow and handkerchief, after all these are HER things. Work in regular outdoor time with her, it is also a good time for you to get out and meet other adults. Consider if she is getting enough sleep. If she has just dropped her nap, she may still not be able to cope with it fully and may need a rest time. If she started school this year, she may be tired/ excited from it and needs to unwind. Some kids need to talk a lot to unwind. Others need to be left alone. This is all normal. If there are other changes in her behavior, try to talk to her to find out if something is unsettling her.

Thanks. I don't have a fixed time when I will play with her and when she will play alone. I think what happened was a passing phase and thankfully now she started to behave better. Yes, I realized when I really focus on her, she gets very happy. But when I need to do my own stuff, she gets upset.

[nanana]

ammonite:

Oh one more very common one - ask her if anyone said that if she doesn't behave, she cannot go home, or mummy won't come back.

Oh. If someone said this to her, she will get affected and behavior changed? I think must be the teachers from her school if someone really said this to her.

[ammonite]

nanana:

Oh. If someone said this to her, she will get affected and behavior changed? I think must be the teachers from her school if someone really said this to her.

Ah but then? The kids will take it seriously. Usually they will become more clingy and easily angered because they feel insecure and threatened. They may refused to go to school (don't sound like your case) or part from mum, and get angry easily with mum for 'abandoning' them.

Good that she is better now, maybe just give her more structure and predictability.

[nanana]

slmkhoo:

Any change in routine can be upsetting to small kids, and if you have been away a bit more, that may have caused the crankiness. Just spend a little more time with her one on one when you get back. It may help to let her know roughly when you will get back. Even if she can't tell time, you can say 'after lunch' or 'when you get up from your nap' etc.


As for the boredom issue, some kids use that to get more attention, especially if they find that parents get more concerned about that than throwing a tantrum. Try to give her one on one time (fully concentrated, without reading, watching TV or checking sms on the side!) for a while, then explain that you need to do some tasks uninterrupted and she needs to play alone for a while. It could help to show her where the hands of the clock will be when you are done, or use a timer.

Another thing I read, which I have found very true, is that kids NEED boredom in order to make them exercise creativity. Kids who have too much organised activity and adult attention don't need to be creative in finding things to do. Even though they may not like it, letting them be bored will force them to find something to do. Just make sure she has lots of toys and materials that encourage creativity - art materials, empty boxes and containers, Lego, dolls etc, and let her be. I'm not advocating leaving her alone for hours a day, but 30 mins while you finish some tasks or cook a meal is actually good for her. You will be surprised at what she could come up with.

Thanks, but usually she will only play alone for at most 10 minutes and she will come bug me again. She won't play alone for a good 30 minutes! No matter what toys or puzzles she was in. She just want someone to be with her all the time.

[Funz]

nanana:

Thanks, but usually she will only play alone for at most 10 minutes and she will come bug me again. She won't play alone for a good 30 minutes! No matter what toys or puzzles she was in. She just want someone to be with her all the time.

What do you do when she demands your attention after 10mins of play? You give her your attention or you tell her to go find something else to play with on her own?

It will take some time to get her used to and understanding that there will be certain times in a day where you will not be readily available to play with her.

[straffan23]

Just to share, if you are a SAHM you can involve her in some of your daily routines. For example I used to get my daughter to help choose groceries at the market, then we clean the veggies together… Some days we bake together… Some days we make sushi or rice balls just for fun. Some other days I take out the bedsheet and drap it over furniture to make a ‘house’. I realise that sometimes, children are easily bored if they play with TOYS. But if you let them invent their own FUN/TOY… their imagination runs wild and they’re so busy thinking of what to do!