Sometimes Single Parent?

[mum2princess]

i used to feel :x to be the single parent. though, my ILs live with us, they have did their part when we are working, and it is only right to take over when we are back. they need their rest too..


but i have changed my mindset over time, and i now enjoy every moment with my dds despite still been the single parent most of the time. my dds peferred me over dh, so dh now try to spend more time with them. :love:

[cfan]

Hi


I bring the kids to child care in the morning, I bring them for extra classes, I coach them in their lessons. Of course I have a helper to help me as I have 2 kids.

When they were little, I wash their clothes, bathe them, changed diapers, did housework, breastfed & later on made milk in the middle of the night, take care of them when they fall sick, etc… DH doesn’t know how to really carry them when they were just born. He was very afraid that their necks will break. He needs to sit down and you put baby in his arms.

I try to set aside time on sundays for the kids to spend time with him and when we go out I always ask them to hold Daddy’s hands, this way, he gets what "little bonds" he has with them.

To me it’s all right if they were to look for him when he’s back as the rest of the time they spend it with me… I am also the "fierce" one who will "discipline" them and they know that if they want (eg. sweets or toys) they will ask DH instead of me.

I am also working full time and sometimes don’t reach home till 9 or 10pm. However, now I try to go back by 9pm so I can coach DD1 in her lessons.

Sometimes, I do feel upset but DH is very stressed over work so I try not to "add on" to his "troubles". Trying my best to shoulder whatever I can since I am responsible for my own kids, nobody else is…

[peapot]

cfan, you are such a considerate mother. I have a friend who is almost like you but she’s a SAHM. I also feel like a single parent. I don’t like to go out with my husband everyday but I do hope he can help in coaching his daughter in the school work or help bring her for enrichment but 95% of the time I m the one doing it. I m not talking about couple time but more in helping out. My hubby seems to feel gulity about it that he buys me branded bags and diamonds and fully paid holidays. But my husband do not understand that this is not something what I m looking for. Sigh! That’s why coupled with the fact I have no one but the maid to look after my kid, I make up my mind not to have another child.

[foreverj]

hi peapot


same same here. i shudder at the tot of having another kid and my dh also. sometimes i m really frustrated cos i feel he’s living like a swinging single stil while my life is revolved around our dd. not that i m complaining abt it cos i love my dd to bits, but i do wish he won’t make me feel like i m our dd’s only parent. shouldn’t the child be both parent’s responsibilities?

it doesn’t help that he doesn’t c any prob going out with his female colleagues for dinner/teabreaks etc. frankly he sees them much more than he sees his own wife and dd. by the time weekend comes, he tries to drive us around for enrichment class and visit my parents, he wil complain tired. i dun even dare to complain cos he wil b "not happy". n given he’s the one bringing in the income, i feel i m in no position to complain this, complain that.

sorry, i just need an outlet to vent. hope u ladies dun mind.

[peapot]

foreverj, yes very true my hubby also behaves like no family committment. He goes fishing whenever he pleases. sometimes gone for 2 days overnight fishing. He only gives me 1day’s notice. Well I can’t go anywhere because my gal will be alone with the maid which I don’t feel secured. If I act like him, what’s gonna happen to my gal?

[foreverj]

sigh at least now i know i m not alone. it makes the pain a bit more bearable. i try to look on the bright side of life. life is never perfect. it's our overall outlook that ultimately determines our own happiness.


i thank God everyday for my dd - and I tell her that. And she has already repeated the same to me. She's extremely close to me and that's my saving grace :love:

really, i cannot control how my dh spends his time. he's a grown man and should not be dictated as to how he spends his miserable remaining hours outside of the office. i remind myself to see things from his viewpoint and naturally its not easy. i've considered talking to him abt it but ultimately i figured he'll only feel miserable and stressed out - that he has to divide his time for work and for us. he says he vents his office frustrations to his colleagues so that he won't come home all bottled up with anger. and in the end, we dun see him at all. is there ever going to be a solution? not unless stress and deadlines and uncooperative co-workers are removed from his workplace - which we all know is simply impossible.

since there is no immediate solution, i just have to bite my tongue and cherish my dd more. at the same time to appreciate n understand my dh for working so hard - for us and for himself.

[cfan]

Hi


Thanks peapot for the encouragement. Somtimes, we just wish they will "notice" that we are trying to work hard, got stress and yet look after the family well… sigh…at least I got some form of encouragement here.

Hopefully DH will get more involved when the kids grows up as they will then be able to converse with him and not "cry" which by the way gets on his nerves…

[3Boys]

foreverj:

it doesn't help that he doesn't c any prob going out with his female colleagues for dinner/teabreaks etc. frankly he sees them much more than he sees his own wife and dd.

Actually I think you might want to put your foot down on this.....seriously. If he starts seeing the family as a burden and his lady colleagues as a way to let off steam, its not a place you want to be.

[foreverj]

hi 3boys


thanks for your concern. at times i can get pretty emotional so when i was writing the previous post, i was feeling quite down.

no i dun think he sees us as a burden, more of, seeing that i can get frustrated at times handling dd on my own, he does not wish to come home and add on to my burden by sharing his stress/unhappiness in the office. he feels its not fair.

understand where u r going and i m stil inspecting the situation. i wil voice my concerns if things go out of hand. u see, dh happens to be a little of a lady's man and has been all his life. he has more girlfriends than boyfriends mainly becos he's commonly seen among the ladies than among the men.

i m largely relying on my natural woman's instinct and i think most times, it's quite accurate. the other reason i'm not seriously worried now is becos he comes home and tells me everything he talks about with his male friends and female friends. [just that he's not sensitive enough to tell i feel uncomfortable he spends that much time with certain ladies] stil, the fact that things r fine now doesn't mean it wil always be. so i wil be careful and wil remind him to be conscious about fleeing temptation. [haha, read enough of the EMA section on KSP to be worried]

but thanks! appreciate your concern

[daisyt]

I always thought I could handle dd's situation very well, until one day, I break down and cried. I always have the feeling of hubby blaming me for all the wrong doings of dd and I cry out my feeling to him. He was very shocked, why I felt that way. He said something really comforted me down \"If there is something she has done wrong, its not your fault. Its OUR fault. She is OUR daughter.\" From then onwards, I can see a total change in him and my attitute towards him on handling dd's issues.


I guess, husband and wife have to be very open and honest with our feelings. Sometimes, it is just one side's own imagination and wild guess, like my case.