Parents, let's solve this problem for our kids

[Imami]

If the family can take one less vacation or she quite her online game, she could spare more time dealing with the cleaning of the home. If she can just pay more attention to her elder one, maybe he would not be so defiant…


Sometimes it is what we choose. The real situation may not be as bad.

[concern2]

Imami:

I get very tired about some of my colleagues complaints at times. Other than the \"financial burden\" one, another colleauge is the \" I got no time leh\". She has two kids. Everyday she complains about her kids - elder one throw tantrums, younger one has developmental problem, need to rush them for enrichment classes la, need to wash the toilet la, where got time to go through the homework with the kid.


And oh, she says her home is never entirely clean because she could not spare the time to clean the whole home at one go (3 room flat only hor, 2 children, 2 adults in the household). She always say she is very stressed because she does not known how to handle her children and she could not guide them on their work. Also, she has no time to do reading with the children despite the fact that the kid's always bring a book to her asking her to read to them. I told her she could use the time to read up when her kid's are attending enrichment lessons. Her reply - where got time, she needs to go for message.
But hor, every time there is sch holidays/long weekend, the family would go on a short trip. In august this month, two trips already (nday weekend to desaru and this weekend to genting). Prior to Aug, the last trip was in jun holidays to hkg.

She has no time to read t her kid's but she can tell us that her bejeweled (some online game) is level 43 Liao.

That's from your point of view. I don't know if I would want to judge others this way, and I am not saying you are wrong either. You could be right. However, many things are relative. I get my DH complaining that I am not 'tough' like his mother, but, not that I want to find excuses for myself, but hey, I spent majority of my life sitting behind a desk mugging - and his mother, and mine too, was brought up in a harsher environment. And after marriage I suddenly found myself having to handle all those things I never had to do before, in essence, learning new stuff altogether and how to do them well, all the while struggling between work and family, and internally asking myself - I am educated and have been trained to do different things, why am I doing all these? After a few years, I get better and and 'toughened' up, mentally and physically, and all the work that I had put in makes things became easier for me to handle. But if you were to ask me to go through them all over again, like going thru pregnancy and bringing up another newborn, gosh, you really need to 'pay me better'. :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

I also see people who have to struggle even harder than what I have been through because they were treated like 'princesses' when they were younger, yet life isn't a fairy tale. I don't really blame them for finding things to be difficult and wanting to fall back on the 'little luxuries' of life. It is a matter of when reality hits them, and how they prioritize what they think is important to them - e.g. traveling may be more important to them than cleanliness at home

I like to remind DH - if you want the kids to feel the pinch, it is not telling them things like 'we can't afford them', while continuing to visit restaurants or buying stuff for them, or, like what you said, traveling. It is by cutting down on these ourselves that the children could feel even if you don't tell them, that such 'wants' are indeed, beyond our daily means.

With that, I also feel things are getting more and more expensive and beyond our daily means. I wonder, looking at how our environment has become, that there are now more food courts, fast food and restaurants now than there are hawkers.
Raw materials in food now is also getting costly (since we import most of them) that cooking at home isn't necessarily cheaper than eating out. Ironically, making short trips to Malaysia have become luxuries of 'eating cheap' and 'buying cheap'.

And then, when you look at the avenues which people can make money from, they have also taken a shift - people who used to own their own shops or stalls, due to upgrading or inability to afford the rising rentals, fold up, forced to retire early, yet, need to find 'jobs' with the bigger organizations, and in a way, like what I had to go through, re-learn the ropes of a new 'industry'.

I am just pounding in my thoughts as they come, as this wasn't meant to be an essay or thesis , so please bear with me.

The future ahead is very uncertain, and is not particularly optimistic for many. By the way prices are rising, parents worry about the future for their own children, including a roof over their heads. Right now, how many families have the ability to own a freehold? Meaning, by the end of 99 years, your future generation will still have a roof over their heads (provided they do not squander off whatever little is left for them).

Many occupations of the past was passed down from generation to generation. In our rapid development, many trades and industries, related skills and knowledge has disappeared. Links were broken. People who used to have a future pumped in their investment and years of hard work, only to arrive at nothing decades later. What they have lost, includes perhaps their freehold shophouse, lands and houses, buildings, hawker stalls, restaurants, equipment, recipes (due to raw material sources), the intellectual property etc. This is part of the tradition of 传宗接代, and it could not be sustained under the drastic measures that is uniquely Singapore.

Some from the older generations had farms and needed extra hands, so kids were their self-produced assets. Now, children are liabilities. And what more, if you have investment gurus telling you that if you want to be millionaires, you cannot think about adding on these 'liabilities'? Worse, even your spouse could potentially be your liability if you pick 'a wrong one'. It sounds humorous when you hear these talks, but it changes one's value of starting a family, makes one more individualistic, preferring immediate gratification and fulfilling one's personal dreams over the more traditional thinking of 传宗接代.

I often think the infertility is just a natural phenomenon in the human evolution and artificially finding ways to counter it just requires much more resources than is needed, not very efficient way of managing, I think. Take for example, the Garden by the Bay. How long can we sustain such a garden? It is against nature, isn't it? Kind of like Dubai now? So the same concept applies here as it applies to the family unit. If leaders are telling us how bad situations are now, why are they splurging our resources on all these luxuries? Guess they have predicted ROI to be worth the while

[Imami]

But concern2, you don’t go around grumbling/complaining about it right? The way I look at your post, I don’t see hints of repeated grumbling. My gripe with the "I don’t have time" and "we don’t earn much" is their constant complaints and grumbles about the constraints they have.


No time but tell us about her online games? No money but can go so many holidays? I need a lot more convincing that there is a genuine problem.

Everyone has constraints and struggles. Me too. I value the attitude behind the struggles more than aptitude.

[himmel]

Some people are used to complaining n grumbling about no time n money. Know of a friend who has 2 fully paid property but still say money not enough… Always say no time, busy at work but keep chatting on the phone…

[Imami]

himmel:

Some people are used to complaining n grumbling about no time n money. Know of a friend who has 2 fully paid property but still say money not enough... Always say no time, busy at work but keep chatting on the phone...

This is what I mean. Such people have blind spots. But even when you point out the blind spots for them and teach them how to handle such situations, they would still continue their ways and say \"I got no time\" or \" we don't earn much\".

[concern2]

Imami:

But concern2, you don't go around grumbling/complaining about it right? The way I look at your post, I don't see hints of repeated grumbling. My gripe with the \"I don't have time\" and \"we don't earn much\" is their constant complaints and grumbles about the constraints they have.


No time but tell us about her online games? No money but can go so many holidays? I need a lot more convincing that there is a genuine problem.

Everyone has constraints and struggles. Me too. I value the attitude behind the struggles more than aptitude.

Well, I used to complain to my loved ones , but that's a passing phase. Those times were not without tears and grouchiness. Constructive advice are most useful in such phases, and it is helping hands when you need most that keep one going too.

From your description, it doesn't sound like her situation is as bad as she make it out to be, hence the ability to continue to enjoy the little 'luxuries'

Yet, these days, with profuse use of the internet, there is higher tendency for people go 'hide away' 逃避 from harsh realities of life, and it is unhealthy, as much as it is dangerous.

[Oppsgal]

Probably she need some rest after hectic workload? Grumbling better than some "extreme cases" like keep all inside till one day don’t know what happen?

[DesertWind]

The gahmen should try to stop the brain-drain and also welcome citizens to come back home! Give a big invitation for our fellow-men to come back with their heads held high. Do not call them names. There could be many wanting to come back but held back by fear of discrimination rejection. I do not know what is the current stand now since I hardly come across any talks about this anymore after the debate in the 80s. I hope whatever hard-stand they adopt will be changed given the current disminishing population.

[verykiasu2010]

DesertWind:

The gahmen should try to stop the brain-drain and also welcome citizens to come back home! Give a big invitation for our fellow-men to come back with their heads held high. Do not call them names. There could be many wanting to come back but held back by fear of discrimination rejection. I do not know what is the current stand now since I hardly come across any talks about this anymore after the debate in the 80s. I hope whatever hard-stand they adopt will be changed given the current disminishing population.

there is no discrimination

they don't come back because it is better over there, a matter of choice and life style

those who cmi overseas also find it hard to find work here - some due to having burnt bridges and no one wants to hire them at older age versus those who kept their jobs all these while in Singapore. Some don't come back due to face and pride issue

as far as gov't is concerned, don't think there is anything against them

those debates in 80s on quitters are mostly directed at bond-breakers or white horse. for the ordinary horses, they eat any grass wherever they feel like, without hindrance

[concern2]

verykiasu2010:

those debates in 80s on quitters are mostly directed at bond-breakers or white horse. for the ordinary horses, they eat any grass wherever they feel like, without hindrance

Who? Where? Black horses included?