In-law problems?

[carrotz]

Janet, I agree with you that love and respect has to be earned. Mils like mine expect people to kow tow to them. She wants her "suggestions" i.e. directives to be followed. I also did not do any "polishing", so I have always been an outsider.


As for showing love and concern, it is foreign to her. Seems like she is not willing to do the giving part. I find it sad that a grandparent acts the way she does. I rarely hear the older grandkids address her. Even the sils don’t do that. Her no. 1 concern and interest is money. The other is probing to get the infor she wants. When my mum was helping me (staying at my home then) during a trying period, mil asked me point blank in her usual overbearing tone, "Didn’t your mom go to your sibling’s place?" Since mil has never bothered to show real concern to me or my child, I don’t see why I have to explain to her. I only gave a neutral answer.

My mum, on the other hand, is the doting type of grandparent. She cooks food the grandkids like and never forgets about b’days. She showers them with hugs. It’s about showing love and concern right from the start. So the grandkids appreciate her and are close to her. It comes naturally.

Sorry for the long post.

[janet88]

carrotz:

Janet, I agree with you that love and respect has to be earned. Mils like mine expect people to kow tow to them. She wants her \"suggestions\" i.e. directives to be followed. I also did not do any \"polishing\", so I have always been an outsider.


As for showing love and concern, it is foreign to her. Seems like she is not willing to do the giving part. I find it sad that a grandparent acts the way she does. I rarely hear the older grandkids address her. Even the sils don't do that. Her no. 1 concern and interest is money. The other is probing to get the infor she wants.

Don't worry about long post
I never believe in polishing her, or else she will behave even more of a Empress Dowager. Showing love and concern, remembering birthday...oh yes she expects that...and will never reciprocate. One way traffic. If anyone gives her money, then she will be nice to that person.
Probing info...definitely will probe my hubby. That one I cannot control, but if she asks too much, my hubby may be switched off.
She also tends to bully if the person is quiet. My mum told me not to answer her...so I stay arms length lor. But she is very submissive to my SIL bcos fierce mah.

[fifiyeo]

Janet, oh sure agree with you about bullying the ‘quieter’ or ‘nicer’ ones. If you dare to be fierce, you see how nice they can be. But when you are always nice to them, they just bully big time. Can even tell us the other DIL of theirs cannot say one. Later hurt her feelings! We got no feelings???

[janet88]

fifiyeo:

Janet, oh sure agree with you about bullying the 'quieter' or 'nicer' ones. If you dare to be fierce, you see how nice they can be. But when you are always nice to them, they just bully big time. Can even tell us the other DIL of theirs cannot say one. Later hurt her feelings! We got no feelings???

I just don't have the interest to talk to her bcos she has lots of crap to reply me. After so many years, I have enough of HER playing angel and devil.
My eldest SIL can tell her off and old one will not dare to drama. When my hubby told her to cut down on smoking, she told him that is as good as dying. I told my SIL those words...old one kena jelak jelak.

[fifiyeo]

Anyone out there with in-laws pressure as far as kids’ exam results are concerned?

My DS will be condemned if he doesn’t do well.

[janet88]

fifiyeo:

Anyone out there with in-laws pressure as far as kids' exam results are concerned?

My DS will be condemned if he doesn't do well.

Mine here couldn't be bothered. She is more worried whether she has money to stash and to buy cigarette.

[fifiyeo]

janet_lee88:

fifiyeo:

Anyone out there with in-laws pressure as far as kids' exam results are concerned?

My DS will be condemned if he doesn't do well.

Mine here couldn't be bothered. She is more worried whether she has money to stash and to buy cigarette.

Lucky you! DS, DH and I are going to be condemned and smack with sacarstic remarks. Rather insults.

[janet88]

Hi fifi,

If mine here has anything to compare, it will be which kid gives her the most pocket money :mad: other than that, she knows nuts.

[fifiyeo]

Hi Janet,


Oh same here. If we have a few thousand dollars for MIL instead of a few hundreds to spend every month buying the lastest whatsoever brand, then I’m sure our status would be very different.

[Pinky Piglet]

Seem like I am not the only one who is facing prob with mil…

I try to keep a distance from her nowaday