HOW TO MOTIVATE MY GIRL TO PUT IN MORE EFFORT IN HER STUDIES
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slmkhoo:
[Is she already trying hard? Could it be that she is at the limit of her ability? I know this can be hard to accept, but some kids just won't do well academically, or at certain subjects. It's not always a lack of motivation. I speak from experience as I have a hard-working child who is just not great at Maths no matter how she works and how we explain. We just try to help her as much as possible but don't pressure her if we see that she is really trying.
Honestly, she does try very hard. There are some days though that I think she \"gives up\" and hides homework and even stops trying
Those days are very hard for us to deal with because we try to teach the kids values such as honesty and perserverance.
She is a very talented dancer and looks forward to her weekly dance class and we encourage her to pursue that interest but we also tell her she has to work hard to get the best marks that she can for school. I sometimes feel she is like a round peg trying to fit into a square hole
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snowball:
i tried using 1 of the strategies : give them choices,,,dramamama70:
This topic touches my heart deeply. I have three kids and they are as different as chalk and cheese in terms of behaviour and attitude. I am desperately trying to motivate my DD who is in P4 and consistenly getting below average to average results. Over the years, we have sent her to all kinds of tuition and engaged all kinds of tutors. DH and I tried to even coach her ourselves but she always ends up in tears because after explaining multiple times, she still does not get it and we lose our temper. Sigh. I have just placed an order for the book and I am determined to get myself educated on this topic so that I can motivate her the best way I can. Wish me luck.
:please: I was reading chapter 6 on the way to work this morning and i am looking forward to continue reading this evening,,,( the only \"ME\" time :imcool: i have before i rush off to my \"2nd shift\" work at home :siam:
mom to p2 boy: son, do you want to do abacus or maths test paper tomorrow morning ?
son: maths test paper ( he always prefer playtime to doing any form of hw, so when given 2 choices, he is being \"forced\" to chose to do ONE hw :evil:
mom to p4 girl: girl, do you want to continue with qn3 (maths problem sum) or to take your shower to freshen up ?
daughter: shower ( she always find excuses/ very reluctant to do her maths hw, so when given 2 choices, she is being \"framed \" to do her hw after her shower, and she is happy cos she can \"CHOSE\" to do it later & i am happy too cos I know she will do it WILLINGLY after her shower :evil:
Have i successfully get them motivated ?
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snowball:
That's a nice start. Well done! Be careful though... not to gloat too obviously. Kids are smart. They cotton on real quick and you dun wanna be seen as manipulative. Then your kids won't trust you anymore and when they stop trusting you, it will be difficult to motivate them even with the other strategies.
i tried using 1 of the strategies : give them choices,,,
mom to p2 boy: son, do you want to do abacus or maths test paper tomorrow morning ?
son: maths test paper ( he always prefer playtime to doing any form of hw, so when given 2 choices, he is being \"forced\" to chose to do ONE hw :evil:
mom to p4 girl: girl, do you want to continue with qn3 (maths problem sum) or to take your shower to freshen up ?
daughter: shower ( she always find excuses/ very reluctant to do her maths hw, so when given 2 choices, she is being \"framed \" to do her hw after her shower, and she is happy cos she can \"CHOSE\" to do it later & i am happy too cos I know she will do it WILLINGLY after her shower :evil:
Have i successfully get them motivated ?
Read especially Chapter 4? That is THE most important strategy in the whole book. And do note that Chapter stresses a lot on SINCERITY... Gloating is normal, especially when you successfully motivate the action you want. Just don't be obvious about it. Kekekekekeke! -
Chenonceau:
Hi Chen,snowball:
Hi Petunial, i have ordered a copy of your book yesterday...wondering when i will receive the book
Hi hi... Snowball... I missed this post. Hmmmmm... how come the email didn't give me an alert? Delivery is within 10 days of payment.
I have just placed an order for your book through paypal, when can I expect to receive the book? -
what is the book about? can anyone give me a link to view or post a pic?
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[/quote]If she’s already trying hard, telling her to work harder or setting a high target can be a demotivator. I’m not an expert in the field like Chen, but I can tell you from my personal experience that there is nothing worse than being told to work harder when you are already working as hard as you can. My father was always telling me to work harder and always setting a target that I knew I could never achieve, so I’m sympathetic to this daughter of mine. I generally feel that if she’s spent 2 hrs on something to the extent of getting frustrated and weepy, it’s time to stop. She really finds some things so hard to grasp that it’s like asking a one-legged child to win the 100m sprint.[/quote]
I agree and maybe I should clarify that we don’t set unrealistic expectations on her and we praise her for every improvement she makes. But we are also aware that the darn PSLE will hit her in 2 years time and we want her to be as prepared as possible for it. Right now her average score across all subjects is between 45-55%. At this rate we would be happy if she passed all four subjects. The amount of homework is ridiculous some times and there are days that we can’t complete all of them and then she gets anxious about not completing them for fear of being singled out by teachers. So you see, she is driven by fear to complete her daily work and I desperately want to change that negative motivation to a positive one. -
Hi dramamama, I can relate with you as my DD has been failing every subject except English since P3. Until she was assessed with learning difficulties by the educational psychologist last year, it was an uphill task getting homework done and getting her on task and trying to get her to understand basics.
If DD & I use the school’s standards ie 50 means pass and below that means fail, then it’s really hard to measure any signs of success. DD’s school is well-known to set killer papers for all subjects especially maths where even better performing classes could see half the class failing or barely passing. So it’s hard to measure progress when we use the school’s assessments as a gauge.
So what I’ve done to help DD’s self-esteem and to keep her motivated towards hard work is to set her goals that’s within her reach, a little challenging but still reachable. I remembered after she practised for 3 weeks on some challenging problem sums, I got her to do one of the top school’s exam papers and she scored very well for that paper. I made sure that what was being tested (since I could see what the paper was looking for) was what she is taught (I helped her learn the concepts and methods first during the practice exercises) and so when she faced the "exam paper", she could experience success.
Unfortunately, at the school level, they are always testing at levels way beyond the child’s ability. Just the recent CA2, the teacher revealed they had put in previous year’s PSLE Prelim type questions so the level of difficulty is pitched way beyond what DD could do so it was not surprising for her to fail. When our children are set up for failure by the school system, we must somehow find a way to help them regain their self-esteem otherwise our children will use the school’s assessment as benchmarks for their own success and we know it’s not fair.
As for school homework, I created a structure where DD is committed to completing her homework independently with little supervision. I’m totally ok with her making many mistakes for homework coz I see that it’s important for the teachers to see how DD performs with little help - that serves as feedback for teachers if they have taught adequately and what additional teaching they need to give DD. When DD can’t complete any piece of homework, I’m happy to write a note to explain to the teachers that DD has attempted and she doesn’t know how to do a certain piece of work. Completing homework is a good value but if the child doesn’t understand what or how to do, it doesn’t make sense to me to complete the work. That said, I make sure I know my DD’s teacher because obviously DD needs understanding & compassion from her teacher and I need to help her teacher understand what’s happening at home.
What I found helpful also is to help DD see that she’s gifted in other areas and encourage her development in that area. DD is gifted in music and we encourage her to sing, play different instruments but because she’s become so fearful of exams, I’ve set an agreement with her that after this year, there will be no more exams but learning for enjoyment and experimentation. -
dramamama70:
Hi dramamama70, my ds1 is also like this sometimes. I only found out about his homework when the teacher called me, and by then it has gone on for some time. He does have some learning difficulties and have not been fully remediated for some of them. I did not scold him because I realized that he felt overwhelmed, and while I was stern with him, I also suggested a few ways of handling it to him and told him to see which works best for him. I also told him to let me know when he is ready to go back to his therapist for his area of need. (without his cooperation it will be prolonged and expensive)
Honestly, she does try very hard. There are some days though that I think she \"gives up\" and hides homework and even stops trying Those days are very hard for us to deal with because we try to teach the kids values such as honesty and perserverance.
Simkhoo and Beanbear are right. Sometimes the kids just can't handle more in their existing state. Motivation is important, but finding out their areas of weakness, AND adjusting the teaching methods can also be valuable.
Kids are also motivated by their own improvement, so beanbear's strategy for prepping a child for success is good. -
Dramamama... your book is ready for collection. Strategies such as how to set your child up for success etc... are extensively covered in the book. Plus how to help your child manage failure etc...
I tried to call you and email you to let you know the self-collection point. I don't seem to be able to get you. Do check your junk email folder. -
verykiasumummy:
what is the book about? can anyone give me a link to view or post a pic?
Hi... if you are based in Singapore, please go here - http://motivationgenome.blogspot.sg/p/reader-reviews-petunias-book.html.
International buyers should go here - https://www.createspace.com/3944585 ... don't come direct to us anymore... postage can be hefty (and slow) if we send to you ourselves.
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