Need an advice on office relationship matters
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KSP:
:yikes: oh man, u make me want to vomit... i had a nice nasi briyani for lunch today... luckily just had a burp....Joule:
[quote=\"ksi\"]valvestate, I am curious what breakfast she bought for you.... can share share?
is it.....nasi kangkang....I mean....nasi lemak?
ah sigh, I missed the morning.
[/quote]wah lau eh.... you also know what that is ah....
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nasi kangkang - something new I learnt (only) today!! :oops:
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Joule:
for those who hire maids must know this black magic... btw i don't have maid...
wah lau eh.... you also know what that is ah.... -
Hi Valvestate,
Hope you will not be offended if I sound too direct/blunt. Who am I to say all these.....but I do have the sense that you are allowing yourself to sink deeper willingly.
I may be wrong, but from your postings, the feel I have is.....you are enjoying the attention from the PRC. In fact, you may be secretly wishing it can go on and delaying making your stand clear (nicely).
Trying to confirm if she's really interested in you? By constantly giving the excuse that she may be just friendly, are you buying for more time??
So if you really 'shoo' her, and she still comes forward, what are you gonna do next?
You know perfectly that EMA is wrong.....you acknowledge that you will not leave your wife/kid/family......but yet dun seem willing to make a stronger stand ie. avoid lunching alone, tell her frankly you dun have habit of eating breakfast but instead 'reluctantly' accept her breakfast.
What kind of signal are you giving to her?
Because you buy for me so I will eat?? If your wife had bought you breakfast, wonder what would your reaction be? So if she starts doing that every morning how?
There is a phrase ζ₯δΉ ηζ (feelings will develop over time). Isn't it better to avoid than allow that to have the chance to happen?
Personally, I was a bad girl once. Was single and already with BF for 9years. Had a male colleague.....a very nice chap....we would usually lunch together in groups. But as days went, we became closer....so sometimes after work, may go dinner together. Excuse :: family didn't cook, we eat out only mah. Perfectly legitimate excuse right?? Our relationship was very platonic.....and no, I never hid the fact that I would be marrying my long-time BF eventually. Then this guy bought a car....from an occasional lift home it became almost daily and when there's others, I'm always the last to be sent home. Excuse was....we good friend mah, he's just being kind cos' he stayed nearby.
Anyway, he's always nice to me....but he's nice to everyone too. So I ALWAYS claimed he's just being a good friend to do whatever things (which include buy breakfast for me to eat together in office loh).
Seriously, I was enjoying the 'attention' and I did enjoy being with him. When I suspect if there was anything more than 'friends/friendly/nice character', I would brush it off.....ASSURING myself it's nothing. I din want to face it, I din want to end it.....we didn't do anything, so what's wrong? I knew very well that once I 'admit' that something is not right.....my conscious would disallow me to continue spending time with him and subjecting myself to temptation..... which I suspect is what's stopping you now....denial
Anyway, when this guy started asking me more about my BF.....and started disclosing personal stuff about his family.....I knew immediately this was a red flag.
I DO NOT want to lead him on (tho I did like him, I have no intention of marrying any other person except my then-BF now DH)
IT IS time to give a CLEAR signal.
Heartless? Nasty? Evil?
Whatever it is, I know I will be very much at fault if this 'innocent-affair' continued.....and I dun care who initiate first.
Immediately, only group gatherings and I gave all sorts of reasons to avoid taking his car home. He was sad but he knew.....my signal was dead clear.
Is yours???
My apology if I sounded harsh/accusing etc.....I will try not to post anymore here. Do think about your family......by the time your wife suspects, her trust in you will be gone..... -
verykiasumummy:
its no point guessing the identity of whoever speaks or gives advices in this forum... no matter who they are, the purpose of coming online is to have some reservations about their identity so that they wun get identified in real life...
Yeah.
you got it right. Not unless Kiasu has a grand meeting? :evil:
Valvestate's the name of a model of a Marshall Guitar Amplifier that my parents gave me on '94 which I'm still using every week in the band.
To Joule. Very interesting points about me.
1) we both are PMET <-- I'm sorry what's this.
2) heart language is English <--- Correct, but I'm, not an ang-mo in anyway, the PRC lady actually commented that I still look like a Chinese. I find the Singlish very interesting but I can't speak it fluently eventhough I try very hard I still fail in immitating the local lingo. Sounds off when I do the the lah, leh, mah alamak!
3) should be in 30s <--- Correct
I don't play much computer games anymore but I used to play a lot when I was still in college.. but yes, I'm very much aware about Counter Strike! Now, I only play Pumpkins vs Monsters on my Samsung. Lame... but fun.
I have more than 9 years experience in the I.T. industry. I hope I'm not divulging too much information here about myself.
Speaking of guitar playing... PRC lady mentioned that she will be buying a guitar after she saves and he will ask me to teach her. Yay... or nay. -
Spiderlily:
As he said hmself, there is nothing very wrong between his wife and him. He wants the stability of family life, and the side romance. Just like my husband. Yes, still my husband because of the children. I found out when I was heavily pregnant with our first child, the woman sent me all their romantic emails and jibes about their romps, flowery words about their scents \"co mingling in the pillow\". Like vernetta lopez's journal hor? he begged me to forgive him, arranged for counselling, and he gave me all his email passwords - and then I caught him again four years later, an office romance.
He knelt down and begged me not to leave him, he begged my mother to help him, my children pleaded for him.
I am still with him today. He treats me well and helps out and comes home early everyday, and arrange for the boys to go to his parents so we can go to the movies sometimes. He buys me jewelry and clothes whenever he travels. He still changes the radio channel whenever the discussion is about infidelity. He was my first and only bf, and we dated for 6 years before marrying. But the joke is, he used to be the center of my life. Now I don't think I can even shed a tear for him if he dies in a car crash. my eyes are dry by now. The only reason I stay is because he is now a good father. If he fails in this role, he is out for sure.
When I see the thread by 3boys on how to flame proof one's marriage by putting spouse first, then children, I want to laugh. It reminds me of Black Widow's line - \"love is for children\". Have you ever had a sickly child who cries every night from discomfort and pain? Who cries every day during shower because washing the wounds hurt so much? Put a tiny scrawny toddler in pain next to a big strapping adult, I say the child wins every single time. every. Single. Time. If you cannot put the child before yourself, if you cannot stick out the challenging times, you are not man enough for me.
:snuggles: :hugs: -
BeContented:
hi BeContented,Hi Valvestate,
Hope you will not be offended if I sound too direct/blunt. Who am I to say all these.....but I do have the sense that you are allowing yourself to sink deeper willingly.
I may be wrong, but from your postings, the feel I have is.....you are enjoying the attention from the PRC. In fact, you may be secretly wishing it can go on and delaying making your stand clear (nicely).
Trying to confirm if she's really interested in you? By constantly giving the excuse that she may be just friendly, are you buying for more time??
So if you really 'shoo' her, and she still comes forward, what are you gonna do next?
You know perfectly that EMA is wrong.....you acknowledge that you will not leave your wife/kid/family......but yet dun seem willing to make a stronger stand ie. avoid lunching alone, tell her frankly you dun have habit of eating breakfast but instead 'reluctantly' accept her breakfast.
What kind of signal are you giving to her?
Because you buy for me so I will eat?? If your wife had bought you breakfast, wonder what would your reaction be? So if she starts doing that every morning how?
There is a phrase ζ₯δΉ ηζ (feelings will develop over time). Isn't it better to avoid than allow that to have the chance to happen?
Personally, I was a bad girl once. Was single and already with BF for 9years. Had a male colleague.....a very nice chap....we would usually lunch together in groups. But as days went, we became closer....so sometimes after work, may go dinner together. Excuse :: family didn't cook, we eat out only mah. Perfectly legitimate excuse right?? Our relationship was very platonic.....and no, I never hid the fact that I would be marrying my long-time BF eventually. Then this guy bought a car....from an occasional lift home it became almost daily and when there's others, I'm always the last to be sent home. Excuse was....we good friend mah, he's just being kind cos' he stayed nearby.
Anyway, he's always nice to me....but he's nice to everyone too. So I ALWAYS claimed he's just being a good friend to do whatever things (which include buy breakfast for me to eat together in office loh).
Seriously, I was enjoying the 'attention' and I did enjoy being with him. When I suspect if there was anything more than 'friends/friendly/nice character', I would brush it off.....ASSURING myself it's nothing. I din want to face it, I din want to end it.....we didn't do anything, so what's wrong? I knew very well that once I 'admit' that something is not right.....my conscious would disallow me to continue spending time with him and subjecting myself to temptation..... which I suspect is what's stopping you now....denial
Anyway, when this guy started asking me more about my BF.....and started disclosing personal stuff about his family.....I knew immediately this was a red flag.
I DO NOT want to lead him on (tho I did like him, I have no intention of marrying any other person except my then-BF now DH)
IT IS time to give a CLEAR signal.
Heartless? Nasty? Evil?
Whatever it is, I know I will be very much at fault if this 'innocent-affair' continued.....and I dun care who initiate first.
Immediately, only group gatherings and I gave all sorts of reasons to avoid taking his car home. He was sad but he knew.....my signal was dead clear.
Is yours???
My apology if I sounded harsh/accusing etc.....I will try not to post anymore here. Do think about your family......by the time your wife suspects, her trust in you will be gone.....
did your then-BF know about this colleague?
i also share sorta same experience with you. b4 i was married, i also got to know a very nice male colleague who was nice to everyone too. he was tall, fit and handsome. sometimes, i would notice he looked at me when i entered the office and when our eyes met, he would look away shyly or gave a smile. he loved to make me laugh. at times, he will chat with me. i heard that he usually was very quiet and did not talk to other girls. but he treated me differently. he also talked about his siblings and his dream once.
that time, he also knew i had a long-term BF who is my DH now. he was single then. although we did not go out together b4, but somehow, i just felt 'something' from him.
i never revealed my admiration for him cos i remembered that my then-BF treated me very well and believed that nothing good will come out or wanted to lose his friendship. one day, this guy resigned and we never contacted each other already. -
In fact, they met b4 & sometimes DH joined the gatherings.
DH kinda knew we were close & frequently go out together (normally as groups). He kept quiet, said nothing tho at times told me to be careful not to give wrong signals.
Many many years later when DH & I were talking about 'straying', I confessed. He admitted he kinda knew, but he trusted me enough :love: -
BeContented:
i'm glad to hear that. if nothing more happened, i guess guys are not petty. afterall, that guy was a past. who dun have crushes? to me, they just form a nice memory in my heartIn fact, they met b4 & sometimes DH joined the gatherings.
DH kinda knew we were close & frequently go out together (normally as groups). He kept quiet, said nothing tho at times told me to be careful not to give wrong signals.
Many many years later when DH & I were talking about 'straying', I confessed. He admitted he kinda knew, but he trusted me enough :love:
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valvestate:
valvestateverykiasumummy:
its no point guessing the identity of whoever speaks or gives advices in this forum... no matter who they are, the purpose of coming online is to have some reservations about their identity so that they wun get identified in real life...
Yeah. you got it right. Not unless Kiasu has a grand meeting? :evil:
Valvestate's the name of a model of a Marshall Guitar Amplifier that my parents gave me on '94 which I'm still using every week in the band.
To Joule. Very interesting points about me.
1) we both are PMET <-- I'm sorry what's this.
2) heart language is English <--- Correct, but I'm, not an ang-mo in anyway, the PRC lady actually commented that I still look like a Chinese. I find the Singlish very interesting but I can't speak it fluently eventhough I try very hard I still fail in immitating the local lingo. Sounds off when I do the the lah, leh, mah alamak!
3) should be in 30s <--- Correct
I don't play much computer games anymore but I used to play a lot when I was still in college.. but yes, I'm very much aware about Counter Strike! Now, I only play Pumpkins vs Monsters on my Samsung. Lame... but fun.
I have more than 9 years experience in the I.T. industry. I hope I'm not divulging too much information here about myself.
Speaking of guitar playing... PRC lady mentioned that she will be buying a guitar after she saves and he will ask me to teach her. Yay... or nay.
:slapshead: So will u be teaching her guitar? Ask her to learn from someone else.
Like becontented has said, u must sent out firm,\"No, no!\" signal.
becontented,
Bravo for sharing your story! :please: (thumbs up)
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