In-law problems?

[kiasimom]

mathsparks:

Hi,


just curious for those who live with their pils, how's the decision made for which son they live with?

Is it based on tradition and would that be the eldest or the youngest son's responsibility? Or does she stay with the child with extra rooms?

I guess based on favouritism.

[GreenQ]

mathsparks:

Hi,


just curious for those who live with their pils, how's the decision made for which son they live with?

Is it based on tradition and would that be the eldest or the youngest son's responsibility? Or does she stay with the child with extra rooms?

After my fil passed away, mil (has 2 sons) stays with her elder son who earns more than my DH in week days. She will stay with us in weekend.

She rents out her whole hdb unit for abt 1.8k per mth. So she is financially independence. Gd decision, right?

At least gd for her 1st dil, coz she is working. So when she rest at home during weekend, mil is with me. Then for me, good too as I only meet her during weekend, so less conflicts.

[Eagle-Ladybird]

cafelatte:

My dh made the same point to his mum but unfortunately we did not have your wisdom to lay the ground rules right from the start and it was during a major disagreement. Needlessly to say, the MIL didn't take it very well.

Yes, I can imagine so.

Such \"cold blooded points\" are to be made during peace time, and it's important to have Dad around (I may sound sexist, but Dads are generally more understanding when it comes to such issues. Most In-Law problems involve MIL . . . . :siam: )

[winth]

Andaiz:

winth:

Is it really true that people are free (I mean, are you guys free everyday that you got nothing to do but shopping and making long phone calls)? How come they seem so freed up but we are so busy doing things? This just doesn't make any sense. :x

winth, some people just have the whole day's time sitting on their butts thinking and dreaming up all these stuff to while their time away.

If MIL is so free, time to engage her in some volunteer work so that she focuses less on you guys.

Some people just need to LEARN how to leave people alone! :x

Asked DH what's going to happen for THE christmas gathering? DH just says that he'll take things as they come, but as long as I know that he's not a puppet.

We actually bought DS1&2 a telescope and was planning to have our own cosy dinner for christmas while star-gazing. So I dunno how it will all turn out.

I dunno, if things turn ugly, I might want to drive up north again just to get away. So u see, I have quite a number of Malaysia drive trips for various purposes, not just pure holidaying.

[buds]

Eagle-Ladybird:

cafelatte:

My dh made the same point to his mum but unfortunately we did not have your wisdom to lay the ground rules right from the start and it was during a major disagreement. Needlessly to say, the MIL didn't take it very well.

Yes, I can imagine so.

Such \"cold blooded points\" are to be made during peace time, and it's important to have Dad around (I may sound sexist, but Dads are generally more understanding when it comes to such issues. Most In-Law problems involve MIL . . . . :siam: )

I had hubs around. Only he got to make the point.
He only needed to say one thing, and 1 thing only
which was... \"My mum is my number 1.\"

Nuff said liao.

No contest.
MIL hands down winner and used it
to the best of her advantage... always.

I've succumbed to the idea that i wud never
rise up to be the ideal DIL that she has in mind.
I have honestly tried everything. I just hope hubs
will eventually keep his promise abt getting our own
place.

I also remember when we used to stay with my parents
hubs drew up an invisible schedule for us to go for compulsory
fortnightly visitations to his family... and should we miss any of
the said schedules, gotta do make up sessions which may sometimes
mean weekly visits to his family. Yet after staying with PILs for about
+-7yrs now, usually only me and my girls go visit my side... and no...
i dun have to make it compulsory. It should be the same both sides, no..?

But oh well... guess this is my life and again i share..... i honestly have
done all that i could... it's really out of my hands. Just hope for that light
at the end of the tunnel, god willing.

[kiasimom]

Poor buds,


I can understand how you feel.
That's why before I married DH, one of the criteria is NO living with PILs.

It si not easy to live under one roof.
Your DH is a really fillial son and for fillial son, mom always come first.

They will tell you they have ONE mom only.

So take it easy, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel one day.

Have faith in GOD and yourself.

You can do it! :celebrate:

[foreverj]

hi dear buds


i've never seen so many sad faces in your posts b4 i can feel your sorrow becos sigh, when i was a little girl, i felt the hurt and pain of my mum for having to live with my dad's family. and i mean the entire clan ok? meaning the SILs and the BILS etc, on top of her MIL. and it was for a good 15 years :!: i always salute my mum for taking all that!

stay strong for your two lovely daughters bet they must be your greatest comfort! as for your dh, on top of being a filial son, is also at the same time, an excellent husband and father. such men usually comes as a total package. but i'm sure u already know that :love:

take care buds! and God bless u and family!

[mathsparks]

GreenQ:

After my fil passed away, mil (has 2 sons) stays with her elder son who earns more than my DH in week days. She will stay with us in weekend.

She rents out her whole hdb unit for abt 1.8k per mth. So she is financially independence. Gd decision, right?

At least gd for her 1st dil, coz she is working. So when she rest at home during weekend, mil is with me. Then for me, good too as I only meet her during weekend, so less conflicts.

The best arrangement anyone could ask for, greenq. count your blessings, girl.

[mathsparks]

Dear buds, you're not alone in your unhappy arrangement. Here's mine:


I've 4 rooms - a small one for the maid+storage (my poor maid..at least she gets her own privacy), 1 for the mil, I've a tween boy and a teen girl. thot of converting the study area for the boy..but its just an area outside the master bedroom without its own doors. go figure. and the annual cny gathering....haiz.

cant say more coz dh reads the forum ...he's a lurker too. said he's signed up but forgot his userid. duh! its definitely not mathshub?? coz that's in Bt Batok.

Oh yes, buds, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to be patient. :hugs:

[corneyAmber]

buds:

He only needed to say one thing, and 1 thing only

which was... \"My mum is my number 1.\"

Dear buds, the day I decided to get married, I had already accepted that there would be no contesting with THE MUM. Wife he can replace, mum he cannot so if I don't want to deal with that thought, I would have stayed happily single. That is my philosophy else I should be single. Incidentally, I guard my parents the same way, no way can my spouse show disrespect to my parents.

That said, MIL is a perennial issue for many and I don't think I can escape either. :lol: My problems are a little unusual, MIL could not stand my house because it was too nice for her to feel comfortable in it. I can write a story about it. I get slammed for doing a good job in my house, I also get slammed if I get a little messy. So it is damned if I do and damned if I don't. :lol: And she does not even live with us! :lol:

As for my kid, she seems too \"Little Miss Perfect\" for her liking too. As recent as 2 days ago, she told me to dress down my kid and the reasons given were not even worth mentioning here. :roll: Why do I have to put up with such crap, I ask myself..

Despite all these, I focus on the goodness in her. She can be very helpful at times and I still see her as kind despite the one-kind mouth. :celebrate: to you! Life is still good la....just some tiny flaws here and there.

And oh..this mum and son bond is not breakable, don't bother to try. I suppose now as parents, I can appreciate this fact even better, if turn around our kids and us, I think we would also like our kids to bond with us more than with their spouses if they can help it especially those with boys.