Should I have hothoused her?
-
Hi all
From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank everyone for your kind comments. Although there is still a lingering pain, dd and I are feeling better now.
For the past two days, we have been actively researching on schools which are suitable for her and attending open houses. Interestingly, in the process of doing so, we realize that the the most suitable school may not be the one with the highest COP that matches dd's t-score. There are many other factors to consider. Told dd that it may very well be a blessing in disguise that she is where she is now. It may be self-rationalization and self-consolation at work
, but I am beginning to believe it myself!
I did a post-mortem of this whole PSLE process with hubby and he thinks that we could not have pushed dd more, as she'd probably revolt given that she's so strong-willed. The comforting thing is that yesterday, I spotted her doing research on Sec 1 assessment/guide books! Hopefully this self-motivation will be sustained throughout her school-life. As for my younger one, he looks so adorable that I can't bear to hothouse him! With the experience with helping dd, I am in a better position now to monitor and coach him, from a much earlier stage. So, yes, I think we will be fine
-
Hope n Peace:
We all learn through our journey as parents. Believing ourselves and our children is most important.!Hi all
From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank everyone for your kind comments. Although there is still a lingering pain, dd and I are feeling better now.
For the past two days, we have been actively researching on schools which are suitable for her and attending open houses. Interestingly, in the process of doing so, we realize that the the most suitable school may not be the one with the highest COP that matches dd's t-score. There are many other factors to consider. Told dd that it may very well be a blessing in disguise that she is where she is now. It may be self-rationalization and self-consolation at work , but I am beginning to believe it myself!
I did a post-mortem of this whole PSLE process with hubby and he thinks that we could not have pushed dd more, as she'd probably revolt given that she's so strong-willed. The comforting thing is that yesterday, I spotted her doing research on Sec 1 assessment/guide books! Hopefully this self-motivation will be sustained throughout her school-life. As for my younger one, he looks so adorable that I can't bear to hothouse him! With the experience with helping dd, I am in a better position now to monitor and coach him, from a much earlier stage. So, yes, I think we will be fine -
Hope n Peace:
Hi all
From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank everyone for your kind comments. Although there is still a lingering pain, dd and I are feeling better now.
For the past two days, we have been actively researching on schools which are suitable for her and attending open houses. Interestingly, in the process of doing so, we realize that the the most suitable school may not be the one with the highest COP that matches dd's t-score. There are many other factors to consider. Told dd that it may very well be a blessing in disguise that she is where she is now. It may be self-rationalization and self-consolation at work , but I am beginning to believe it myself!
I did a post-mortem of this whole PSLE process with hubby and he thinks that we could not have pushed dd more, as she'd probably revolt given that she's so strong-willed. The comforting thing is that yesterday, I spotted her doing research on Sec 1 assessment/guide books! Hopefully this self-motivation will be sustained throughout her school-life. As for my younger one, he looks so adorable that I can't bear to hothouse him! With the experience with helping dd, I am in a better position now to monitor and coach him, from a much earlier stage. So, yes, I think we will be fine
We just give our best support and unconditional love to guide our children. The passion to learn MUST come from the child. Not us, always take the middle path . We are just a compass, learning must be self-motivated. Just like a ship, the captain charts its course, Not the compass! Learning can be thru play = experential learning. AS SAHM,was like a taxi driver, sending DD to dancing classes 3 times a week, fish farm, parks & gardens and changi airport! Use opportunities of visiting these places to explain (learning thru playing )science or math, life cycle , etc. Did all coaching as SAHM, no tuition all the way to PSLE.
Even now, we discussed and let her choose her yr 3 subjects combi. Though, she have certain subjects (GPA 4.0), we let her decide and follow her passion in learning. In the end, DD chose subjects that she did not get GPA 4.0, we told her to follow her passion, she is the one taking the exams not mum or papa! We just want her to enjoy learning rather than just studying to get good GPA! DD is the captain of her own journey, we are just her GPS! She has to chart her own path towards her life long journey and be happy with her decisions. -
Hope n Peace:
Dear Hope and Peace,
Should I have hothoused her? I had tried to be more relaxed on her mainly because I was hothoused before by my mother and it really strained our relationship. Up till today, it is still strained as the bond just isn't there. Because of this, my philosophy for my kids has always been that building a bond with them is more important than anything else as it will give them life-long happiness.
Children, unfortunately, do not come with an instruction manual. Please do not be too hard on yourself. Personally, I feel that being a parent is so scary. It's like I'm \"playing\" with another person's life and if I made a wrong decision, it's another person's life that I'm messing with! We do what we think it's best for our kids. On the same token, please do not bear any grudge against your mom. She had your best interest at heart. She did what she thought was best for you! My mom was the other extreme. She was not pushy at all and I really wish she had been! We could come home with horrible results and she would always say, \"so long as you're not the last in class, it's good enough for me!\" :faint:
To be honest, I used to \"blame\" her for not hothousing us (my siblings and I) but after I have my kids, 将心比心，我还忍心怪她吗？And especially for the first child, we can't run away from trial-and-error. I made a lot of mistakes with my older child too and honestly, it was because I didn't give her tuition early enough. She only started having tuition for Math and Chinese at P6. She's in a top girls' school now and doing well but in retrospect, she said, she could have done better with help earlier. However, she has never blamed me and she even said it's like that for the first child but she gets all the good stuff first so it's a trade-off!
Take heart, learn from the mistakes so that we can do better for the younger ones but of course, in our hearts, we love them all the same! :grphug: -
Hope n Peace:
You made hotshousing sound like some sort of abuse/torture (you're not talking about the extreme form, right?)! So if your younger one doesn't look adorable, you'll hothouse him huh?
As for my younger one, he looks so adorable that I can't bear to hothouse him!
Just teasing you, dear.. :evil:
My take on tuition/enrichment is still : every child is different. If your child likes the extra push or challenge, by all means! Always monitor the child's stress level. If the child dreads going to classes or shows signs of fatigue, it's time to re-evaluate the time-table.
Hope and Peace, you're a great mom. Give yourself a pat on the back :salute: -
FireflyMom:
we didn't give son tuition for math and english early enough...which was why he had to learn the basics only at p6 ie this crucial year. time was so tight and it was like really very tough.
To be honest, I used to \"blame\" her for not hothousing us (my siblings and I) but after I have my kids, 将心比心，我还忍心怪她吗？And especially for the first child, we can't run away from trial-and-error. I made a lot of mistakes with my older child too and honestly, it was because I didn't give her tuition early enough. She only started having tuition for Math and Chinese at P6. She's in a top girls' school now and doing well but in retrospect, she said, she could have done better with help earlier. However, she has never blamed me and she even said it's like that for the first child but she gets all the good stuff first so it's a trade-off!
Take heart, learn from the mistakes so that we can do better for the younger ones but of course, in our hearts, we love them all the same! :grphug:
we also made a lot of mistakes and yes the first child enjoyed good stuff FIRST. with this, we are doing reflection and like what some parents mentioned, 'post mortem'...hothouse the younger one from now, so that she will be ready for P3 and in time to come, P5 and P6. -
in short, we need to understand and know the ability of our children. Every child is different in ability and aptitude! We have to manage our own expectation, always take the middle path. We are parents, we know when and where to stretch them, BUT not to their breaking point and REVOLT. We have to accept our child as who and what he/she is. And not we want him/her to be what she cannot be! Intervene where you deem is good, i.e… tuition when they really need it, if not needed, let them be., go with the flow. I always tell her Ah Mah, not to give stress to her cousins, b’cos DD’s Ah Mah like to compare why like that & like this.
-
Dear Hope n Peace, I totally understand how you feel. We are exactly in the same situation and I share the same view point as you. Bonding, character development and giving my son his ‘childhood life’ is much more important than anything else.
My son’s T-score is very much below the COP of his dream school. In fact amongst all cousins and friends, he is the worst performer. My son is an average student, also someone who is not fantastic in his work.
Similarly, we also let him play computer games and watch youtube/TV after having done the practice papers/assessment books.
We stopped sending him to tuition classes as we realized that he did better in school exam when there is no tuition. We tried a few times, sending him for tuition classes (branded tuition centres, 1 to 1 tuition, etc) and each time, the results ended up failing the subject or borderline cases.
We decided to stop tuition and got him to do practice papers and assessment books and surprisely, his result was better. So, I conclude that whether tuition really help a child or not, it really depends on the individual child. So, it may not necessarily mean that you got to enrol her to tuition classes to get good result.
Tuition does not work on my child at all. It will only add on more stress to him as he had to struggle with his school work.
I do not regret my decision for choosing bonding over hothousing him. Yes, I am abit disappointed with his score but I know he has done his best. In fact, before the result release day, I was rather worried how my son will take it if he did not do well or if he fails his PSLE (cos he was sharing with me that the PSLE was more difficult than his school prelim).
I ever witnessed a child jumping out of a building near his school on PSLE result day. And it was very clear to me that the child must be too stressed up, worried that he might get scolding from his parents, etc that in the end, the child couldnt manage his psychology.
Since that incident, I told myself, this is something definitely I do not wish to see it happening to my son. As parents, we have to help them manage their mental well-being too as after all, they are just 12 years old.
I always believe that motivational teaching is very important for a child. In Singapore, life is already so stressful and competitive. We have to teach our child how to think positively and manage their pyschology from young so that when they move on to adult hood, they are prepared to face the stressful world. This is an important life teaching that a school cant teach. But parent can.
Now is the time for us to congrat our child for having gone through the PSLE phrase and to motivate our child to look forward and prepare for their Secondary phrase.
I agree with Sammifan that even if our child did not get into their dream school and they are posted to school with a lower COP, they are likely to get into one of the better classes, be recognised and excel there. I, myself, is a real life example.
I hope my long posting does not bored you down but I just want to share how I feel and congrats you for doing well as a parent. You are not alone. And your girl has done well. -
http://catalogue.nlb.gov.sg/cgi-bin/cw_cgi?fullRecord+31894+3002+14277847+1+0
The above is a book I'd like to share with you, written by a former jc teacher. From the title,it looks like one of the guide books out there. But there are actually some interesting insights from a teacher's perspective. He wrote about how parents race to put their children in top schools, only to find that the opportunities there are limited to the top students. -
VALyap:
Hahaha. I like the bolded line.just sharing, we never practised hothousing our DD. I tell you a secret how we motivate DD to do well, most parents hear will be totally surprised. Below is our secret:
Well, firstly, there is always time for her to play = her favorite… Ballet class even up to P6, 3 times a week and 2 hours. (ballet ends at 8 to 10pm), Piano class… swimming. Every weekend, is family day, out in EAST Coast park or some museums or movies.
secondly, we never imposed her study hours, we just monitor, if she is tired, she can rest or even go to sleep!
Thirdly, the most shocking to some kiasu parents, Strictly NO STUDYING B4 day of exam! this we imposed strictly from P1 to P6, even during PSLE. While her classmate were still studying up to last minutes just b4 entering PSLE exam hall, she totally no books. Her classmates' & their parents were so surprised, and worried, asked her why like that? She just told them it's been like that since P1…
More shocking, the day B4 PSLE, we were at EAST Coast park cycling and flying kite! For some kiasuparents, they called us MAD…. But we just did it, so that DD can relax her mind to tackle PSLE the next day! B'cos, we told our DD, whatever she has done, Mummy & Papa has already prepared her since P1 to relax and ready for any exams! She has been prepared more than 6 yrs ago…hahaha
WHY? We believe, exam is about consistency, if you everyday diligently do your home work or study, you don't have to study like MAD during exam time!
KIDS need time to play , even today, she is in R, she plays hard… now is school holidays, she and her buddies still go back to school very often! they love their school very much….
Kids must be motivated to enjoy learning and NOT by rogue learning! :grphug:
Hello! It looks like you're interested in this conversation, but you don't have an account yet.
Getting fed up of having to scroll through the same posts each visit? When you register for an account, you'll always come back to exactly where you were before, and choose to be notified of new replies (either via email, or push notification). You'll also be able to save bookmarks and upvote posts to show your appreciation to other community members.
With your input, this post could be even better 💗
Register Login