Should I have hothoused her?
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sammifan:
She could be posted to a school with a lower COP, get into one of the better classes, be recognised and excel there. I know of some people who did not do well in PSLE, went to schools of their 3rd or 4th choice, but went on to do very well in the schools and never looked back.
This is a interesting observation because I am hearing it the 2nd round... Just 2 weeks back, my sil told us that maybe it's good for a child not to go to a top school after all (if they are not the competitive type). Why??? So that they can excel in sec school, does wonders to self-esteem and also get to choose the desired subject combination during sec 3... My nephew did rather badly for PSLE (he get to choose between express/normal). So he went to express and frankly in a unknown sec school. He appears to be doing well now (top 2 classes) and appears to get to choose the subject combination... Frankly... we can't comment if it is good or bad as only his O level results can tell in 2 years time. -
sleepy:
Yes... personally I think tv + games will have to go first.For kids with great time management skills, yes, they can take on more things like learning instruments or play an active part in CCA. Really depends on individual, case to case basis.
The above aside, I agreed with the earlier post that psle is just one of many exams. Look to the future. 加油！
For CCA... dilemma dilemma... ds will be having SYF during his PSLE years (2014).... I wonder how this will affect him. He love his CCA and we are using that for DSA so he would be upset to quit but I really wonder how is he going to manage with SYF demands... Eg. he has SYF this year and clash with some of the enrichment classes, results suffered alittle during term 2. Fortunately pick up by term 4. But PSLE is Oct....
Headache.... I am assuming that we need to make sure he is strong in P5 so that P6 is just some additions??? :nailbite: -
I agree with kamom that PSLE is a very cruel system and desperately in need of a change.
That said, there is no escaping that kids subjected to the hypercompetitive exam are sorted with the amount of effort they put in ( although there might be a fair amount of exceptions..after all, it is just one exam over a period of 4-5 days). So given two bright children of roughly equal ability, it stands to reason that the one who puts in more effort will more likely have a better result to show.
So the question is should we hothouse them.. My take is that it is okay to hothouse them without straining that precious parent-child bond under only one circumstance. It is fine only when you are ready to get 'hothoused' with them..
Again, this is not a concern with high ability children who seem to ace exams without putting in a lot of effort....similarly, with highly motivated kids, this is not an issue as they hothouse themselves without us getting worried about straining that parent-child bond ( a happy situation to be in..). The issue is when it comes to kids who need to be pushed little bit harder to go further that extra bit ( to get into their dream school or whatever)...
If we are going to make the child study extra hard for that one year in P6 or even from P5, it must be 'us' that should sit with them and take an active interest in their studies with them. It is very difficult to get the buy-in from the child when we ask them to study while we lounge in front of the TV... Once the child sees that your are putting in the same effort as him/her, he will be more receptive to the hothousing ( she will not even see it that way). Same goes for tution....offloading him/her to a coaching center / tutor is not likely to work unless you closely monitor how they are being taught.
If you can personally identify where is the child is slipping or facing difficulties by going through her work, and work with her in overcoming those problems, she'd see that you are equally getting involved in it and in all likelyhood she'd be more receptive to the hothousing. She will just see it as stretching herself and actually that parent-child bond might become stronger...
PSLE is a weird examination..it doesn't just test conceptual understanding..but is a high stakes game of 'accuracy', where a little bit of carelessness or a momentary loss of focus can drag the score down quite a bit ( and unfairly, in my opinion). So a slightly unfocussed child needs targeted feedback for consistent results and it is very unlikely to come from a tutor who visits two time a week or from piling the child with assessment books. The targeted feeback must come from the parent..
Again this is all relevant only if the parent and the child really care for that PSLE score...if the parent can be really equanimous about the secondary schools and PSLE score and can let the child develop his/her interests, that would be perfect for both parent and child but unfortunately the system doesn't allow for that by a lot....PSLE is after all just a small phase in a long journey...There no exam that is worth destroying the bond between the parent and the precious ones...
Sorry for the long rant but just wanted to get this slightly contrarian view out...
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Dear MMM,
How is your DS’ work? I do not believe that everything must come to a standstill all because of a Primary 6 exam. My elder DD swims competitively, and was training 3 times a week right up to PSLE. Her friend was swimming everyday and went on to get 25X.
We know of another girl who has just sat for her PSLE and was also training intensively all the way to PSLE and also went on to get 25X.
But when does SYF end? If it ends by June, just make sure he does consistent work and allow him to continue with his CCA. You will be amazed that his love for his CCA may spur him to want to study hard and well so that he does not miss his practices. -
@Hope n Peace, your DD cried and that can only mean one thing - that she had wanted to do well to achieve something (i.e. go to a school of choice). This is a positive that you can take out of the unwanted situation.
Yes, you can always try to suggest to her to cut down on computer and TV time and see if things changed for the better. It may be easier for her to buy-in to this idea since she had demonstrated that she had wanted to do well, especially after this temporary setback. But I am not in favour of disallowing them altogether because computers and TV are the windows to the world for children. Books alone cannot provide enough ideas and creativity that a child needs in their academic pursuit. And some kids simply do not fancy reading. My DS spend his waking time on computers(75%), TV(10%), reading(5%) and the rest on school work if he has been assigned. And yet he was able to obtain a respectable t-score that would have allow him to go to any school he wishes; he already had a place in one though. We did not impose any restriction mainly because he was able to consistently excel in his exams. Our only concern is his eyesight!
It is not entirely true that tuition is a necessity these days. I feel your understanding and bond that you enjoyed with your children is more important because then they will be more willing to listen and be led. These are important traits for a learning child. By all means make it clear to your children that you are willing and open to providing professional tuition. But allow them to decide for themselves if they want it while, at the same time, articulate to them that tuition can help them improve academically and open avenues for them to make more friends if they go to centres for it. We did the same with our DS and he opted for MT tuition only.
Your younger one need not and should not bear the brunt of his sister misfortune (i.e. if you see it this way). Allow him to take that baby step into school then decide on appropriate strategy after his first few tests/exams. Hot-housing does not guarantee success. If you care to read more threads in this forum then you will find some heart-breaking stories of parents that went to lengths to prep (hot-housing and all) their children for PSLE and yet suffer setbacks in the end.
It must be borne in mind that every child is different. Some are self-driven, some requires high-handed discipline and yet there are some where candies will do the trick. It is a question of how we intend to nurture our young. Striking the right balance between work and play is the key. A happy child does perform and take stress better. Allow me to take a line out off the movie entitled 'The Shining' - \"All work and no play makes jack a dull boy\".
Take some time to read this because it might make you feel better http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum/viewtopic.php?f=48&t=46010 -
I believe that striking a balance is very important.
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just sharing, we never practised hothousing our DD. I tell you a secret how we motivate DD to do well, most parents hear will be totally surprised. Below is our secret:
Well, firstly, there is always time for her to play = her favorite… Ballet class even up to P6, 3 times a week and 2 hours. (ballet ends at 8 to 10pm), Piano class… swimming. Every weekend, is family day, out in EAST Coast park or some museums or movies.
secondly, we never imposed her study hours, we just monitor, if she is tired, she can rest or even go to sleep!
Thirdly, the most shocking to some kiasu parents, Strictly NO STUDYING B4 day of exam! this we imposed strictly from P1 to P6, even during PSLE. While her classmate were still studying up to last minutes just b4 entering PSLE exam hall, she totally no books. Her classmates' & their parents were so surprised, and worried, asked her why like that? She just told them it's been like that since P1…
More shocking, the day B4 PSLE, we were at EAST Coast park cycling and flying kite! For some kiasuparents, they called us MAD…. But we just did it, so that DD can relax her mind to tackle PSLE the next day! B'cos, we told our DD, whatever she has done, Mummy & Papa has already prepared her since P1 to relax and ready for any exams! She has been prepared more than 6 yrs ago…hahaha
WHY? We believe, exam is about consistency, if you everyday diligently do your home work or study, you don't have to study like MAD during exam time!
KIDS need time to play , even today, she is in R, she plays hard… now is school holidays, she and her buddies still go back to school very often! they love their school very much….
Kids must be motivated to enjoy learning and NOT by rogue learning! :grphug: -
Hi all
From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank everyone for your kind comments. Although there is still a lingering pain, dd and I are feeling better now.
For the past two days, we have been actively researching on schools which are suitable for her and attending open houses. Interestingly, in the process of doing so, we realize that the the most suitable school may not be the one with the highest COP that matches dd's t-score. There are many other factors to consider. Told dd that it may very well be a blessing in disguise that she is where she is now. It may be self-rationalization and self-consolation at work
, but I am beginning to believe it myself!
I did a post-mortem of this whole PSLE process with hubby and he thinks that we could not have pushed dd more, as she'd probably revolt given that she's so strong-willed. The comforting thing is that yesterday, I spotted her doing research on Sec 1 assessment/guide books! Hopefully this self-motivation will be sustained throughout her school-life. As for my younger one, he looks so adorable that I can't bear to hothouse him! With the experience with helping dd, I am in a better position now to monitor and coach him, from a much earlier stage. So, yes, I think we will be fine
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Hope n Peace:
We all learn through our journey as parents. Believing ourselves and our children is most important.!Hi all
From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank everyone for your kind comments. Although there is still a lingering pain, dd and I are feeling better now.
For the past two days, we have been actively researching on schools which are suitable for her and attending open houses. Interestingly, in the process of doing so, we realize that the the most suitable school may not be the one with the highest COP that matches dd's t-score. There are many other factors to consider. Told dd that it may very well be a blessing in disguise that she is where she is now. It may be self-rationalization and self-consolation at work , but I am beginning to believe it myself!
I did a post-mortem of this whole PSLE process with hubby and he thinks that we could not have pushed dd more, as she'd probably revolt given that she's so strong-willed. The comforting thing is that yesterday, I spotted her doing research on Sec 1 assessment/guide books! Hopefully this self-motivation will be sustained throughout her school-life. As for my younger one, he looks so adorable that I can't bear to hothouse him! With the experience with helping dd, I am in a better position now to monitor and coach him, from a much earlier stage. So, yes, I think we will be fine -
Hope n Peace:
Hi all
From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank everyone for your kind comments. Although there is still a lingering pain, dd and I are feeling better now.
For the past two days, we have been actively researching on schools which are suitable for her and attending open houses. Interestingly, in the process of doing so, we realize that the the most suitable school may not be the one with the highest COP that matches dd's t-score. There are many other factors to consider. Told dd that it may very well be a blessing in disguise that she is where she is now. It may be self-rationalization and self-consolation at work , but I am beginning to believe it myself!
I did a post-mortem of this whole PSLE process with hubby and he thinks that we could not have pushed dd more, as she'd probably revolt given that she's so strong-willed. The comforting thing is that yesterday, I spotted her doing research on Sec 1 assessment/guide books! Hopefully this self-motivation will be sustained throughout her school-life. As for my younger one, he looks so adorable that I can't bear to hothouse him! With the experience with helping dd, I am in a better position now to monitor and coach him, from a much earlier stage. So, yes, I think we will be fine
We just give our best support and unconditional love to guide our children. The passion to learn MUST come from the child. Not us, always take the middle path . We are just a compass, learning must be self-motivated. Just like a ship, the captain charts its course, Not the compass! Learning can be thru play = experential learning. AS SAHM,was like a taxi driver, sending DD to dancing classes 3 times a week, fish farm, parks & gardens and changi airport! Use opportunities of visiting these places to explain (learning thru playing )science or math, life cycle , etc. Did all coaching as SAHM, no tuition all the way to PSLE.
Even now, we discussed and let her choose her yr 3 subjects combi. Though, she have certain subjects (GPA 4.0), we let her decide and follow her passion in learning. In the end, DD chose subjects that she did not get GPA 4.0, we told her to follow her passion, she is the one taking the exams not mum or papa! We just want her to enjoy learning rather than just studying to get good GPA! DD is the captain of her own journey, we are just her GPS! She has to chart her own path towards her life long journey and be happy with her decisions.
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