In-law problems?

[foreverj]

hi dear buds


i've never seen so many sad faces in your posts b4 i can feel your sorrow becos sigh, when i was a little girl, i felt the hurt and pain of my mum for having to live with my dad's family. and i mean the entire clan ok? meaning the SILs and the BILS etc, on top of her MIL. and it was for a good 15 years :!: i always salute my mum for taking all that!

stay strong for your two lovely daughters bet they must be your greatest comfort! as for your dh, on top of being a filial son, is also at the same time, an excellent husband and father. such men usually comes as a total package. but i'm sure u already know that :love:

take care buds! and God bless u and family!

[mathsparks]

GreenQ:

After my fil passed away, mil (has 2 sons) stays with her elder son who earns more than my DH in week days. She will stay with us in weekend.

She rents out her whole hdb unit for abt 1.8k per mth. So she is financially independence. Gd decision, right?

At least gd for her 1st dil, coz she is working. So when she rest at home during weekend, mil is with me. Then for me, good too as I only meet her during weekend, so less conflicts.

The best arrangement anyone could ask for, greenq. count your blessings, girl.

[mathsparks]

Dear buds, you're not alone in your unhappy arrangement. Here's mine:


I've 4 rooms - a small one for the maid+storage (my poor maid..at least she gets her own privacy), 1 for the mil, I've a tween boy and a teen girl. thot of converting the study area for the boy..but its just an area outside the master bedroom without its own doors. go figure. and the annual cny gathering....haiz.

cant say more coz dh reads the forum ...he's a lurker too. said he's signed up but forgot his userid. duh! its definitely not mathshub?? coz that's in Bt Batok.

Oh yes, buds, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. We just have to be patient. :hugs:

[corneyAmber]

buds:

He only needed to say one thing, and 1 thing only

which was... \"My mum is my number 1.\"

Dear buds, the day I decided to get married, I had already accepted that there would be no contesting with THE MUM. Wife he can replace, mum he cannot so if I don't want to deal with that thought, I would have stayed happily single. That is my philosophy else I should be single. Incidentally, I guard my parents the same way, no way can my spouse show disrespect to my parents.

That said, MIL is a perennial issue for many and I don't think I can escape either. :lol: My problems are a little unusual, MIL could not stand my house because it was too nice for her to feel comfortable in it. I can write a story about it. I get slammed for doing a good job in my house, I also get slammed if I get a little messy. So it is damned if I do and damned if I don't. :lol: And she does not even live with us! :lol:

As for my kid, she seems too \"Little Miss Perfect\" for her liking too. As recent as 2 days ago, she told me to dress down my kid and the reasons given were not even worth mentioning here. :roll: Why do I have to put up with such crap, I ask myself..

Despite all these, I focus on the goodness in her. She can be very helpful at times and I still see her as kind despite the one-kind mouth. :celebrate: to you! Life is still good la....just some tiny flaws here and there.

And oh..this mum and son bond is not breakable, don't bother to try. I suppose now as parents, I can appreciate this fact even better, if turn around our kids and us, I think we would also like our kids to bond with us more than with their spouses if they can help it especially those with boys.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

[quote]+-7yrs now, usually only me and my girls go visit my side... and no...

i dun have to make it compulsory. It should be the same both sides, no..? [/quote]Nope. Never the same. DH dont do visiting to my parents which I don't really care and neither do my parents. Maybe sometime during festive season. For MIL, sometime dh \"siam\" and I have to go surrender myself with the kids without him.

[en107rn.01056yahoo.01056com.01056sg]

[quote]That said, MIL is a perennial issue for many and I don't think I can escape either. My problems are a little unusual, MIL could not stand my house because it was too nice for her to feel comfortable in it. I can write a story about it. I get slammed for doing a good job in my house, I also get slammed if I get a little messy. [/quote]
MIL used to be like that. It's definitely better that way. Why? She now suddenly realize how comfortable my place is, she loves my cooking too and what's more, EN drives. EN can be her personal driver too. :faint:

[Eagle-Ladybird]

ks2me:

Wife he can replace, mum he cannot ..... Incidentally, I guard my parents the same way, no way can my spouse show disrespect to my parents

Hahaha, it's so common to hear this notion :lol:

But jokes aside, as much as most of us would like to think that way (some would even feel strongly that way), there's an alternate view to marriage. Marriage is about 2 persons, \"leaving\" their parents to become one. And this \"leaving\" means emotionally and physically - which means, spouse take precedence over parents after marriage.

Having said the above, it does not mean married children has to forsake their parents, or compromising filial piety.

I used to make it a point to back to KL to visit my parents every month. And most of the time, is over the weekend i.e. drive back Friday evening after work, and return by Sunday afternoon. This continue even after my marriage, and my wife is very supportive. I consider myself fairly filial (ah hem), and fairly important to my parents as I'm the only son'

But when my wife became pregnant, the frequency of my trip reduces substantially. And when my kids come along, it dwindled to maybe 2/3 times a year. Now, I don't love my parents any lesser, but my priority must be my wife/family - and looking back, that's what it is.

While it's true that Mum (and Dad) is irreplaceable, we have to learn to \"let go\" as we moved on in life with our life-long partner - and that's what our spouse is meant to be. And this is the hardest part - you have to \"believe\" in it that view, so as to put your spouse first - and I'm still learning :oops:

[buds]

kiasimom:

Poor buds,


I can understand how you feel.
That's why before I married DH, one of the criteria is NO living with PILs.

Oh nooo.. no need to poor me. Am just sharing aloud. :oops:
But you're lucky that you don't even have to begin Day 1 with any adult supervision. Hehee..
Good for you, really. :celebrate:

kiasimom:

It si not easy to live under one roof.
Your DH is a really fillial son and for fillial son, mom always come first.

Yes! And IT IS a great thing, really!

It reflects how strongly mom & son is bonded.
Hopefully our children are that tight (closely knit) with us too... in future
when they have lives of their own. We don't have to be the centre of
their universe, but close at heart and mind and always in prayer wud
suffice. Like me and my family, though i don't get to see them all the
time as much as i'd want to... we all keep in touch via email and sms.
Occasionally, even if hubs doesn't wanna tag along or if he's busy,
me and the girls will simple call and tell them we wanna drop by to
catch up on things or let's go out and makan + chat. And when
we do meet, we'd part with lotsa tight hugs and kisses to last till our
next meet up. :hugs:

And frankly, him honestly telling me to my face abt the number 1 thingy...
if you ask me i actually do not mind it greatlyl.. it's just that it has not been
a fantastic ride with MIL and it sorta creates stronger frequency \"waves\"
knowing hubs will always be on her side. I just feel somewhat slighted
sometimes and i just have to bear with it lest i be chopped petty or whiny..
which i'm not. Just that sometimes, it feels like she is purposely
trying to test my boundaries and the limit my patience can take. At times,
even when i don't say anything, she'd try to provoke by saying something..
And when i don't reply or just keep quiet cos i do not want to pick up on a
fight, she'll sigh aloud that i'm rude. So, damned if i do and damned as
well even if i don't. Eventually, over the years i learn to filter..

kiasimom:

They will tell you they have ONE mom only.

Doesn't everyone? :!:

kiasimom:

So take it easy, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel one day.

I have. All 7yrs of it. And it has only made me stronger as a person.
So, i suppose indirectly... it was good for me? Hahaa! :lol:

kiasimom:

Have faith in GOD and yourself.

I do. :love:

kiasimom:

You can do it! :celebrate:

Thanks, kiasimom. :hugs:

I've made it this far didn't i.. :celebrate:

Guess a few more years down this same road ( ) wouldn't hurt... not that much, i hope... no? :politebleah:

More bullet-proof perhaps?

[kiasimom]

Exactly buds, you have come a long way and you should have mastered the level of tolerance! Hey hey, don't forget you are a grandmaster III ...kekeke


You have attained the state of nirvana and no bullets can hurt you.
I know it irks you but come to think of it, without MIL you won't have hub.

Hub is the one whom you will spend the rest of your life with. Don't risk your relationship with hub because of MIL.

We know deep down , we will be the loser no matter how right we are :snuggles:

Not to worry, you will not walk this path alone, you have many comrades here who will lend you their listening eys, eyes and fingers :celebrate:

[corneyAmber]

EN:

[quote]That said, MIL is a perennial issue for many and I don't think I can escape either. My problems are a little unusual, MIL could not stand my house because it was too nice for her to feel comfortable in it. I can write a story about it. I get slammed for doing a good job in my house, I also get slammed if I get a little messy.

MIL used to be like that. It's definitely better that way. Why? She now suddenly realize how comfortable my place is, she loves my cooking too and what's more, EN drives. EN can be her personal driver too. :faint:[/quote]Unfortunately, mine has no such realisation yet even though everything is indeed better, but there are no major issues, so I can just look over my shoulders and treat these as trivias.