Club SAHM

[Happymoon]

Dear flim, thks for sharing ur experience. I rememeber a JC classmate once told me she hated piano lessons so much that she refused to touch it since she completed her formal lessons. I just want my DS to enjoy music & other stuff (art forms, sports etc) without thinking that its a chore/suffering :!: Looks like there's a lot of balancing work to do for parents

[autumnbronze]

Blobbi:

blurqueen:

Spoke to many BTDT (been there done that) parents, they'll tell me that even in Sec sch, the kids need us to be around at least few hours in the day after they're back from school. No parent at home means they've no control and too much freedom, then juvenile issues starts.

*Crash*. There goes my hope of some personal me time (and more personal $$) from next year. But you are saying this will be the case for the next 10 years ...

The other day, I met a mum who quit her job to be full time driver to her son. Seems there are a lot of school bullies on the bus and that's where a lot of bad words, ideas etc can be picked up. Eventually, the kids will learn it anyway, but later rather than sooner cos hopefully, they'll be less vulnerable. She said her 9yo kid heard so much sexual innuendo etc, and she's so glad that she's at home for him to talk to and seek guidance from, rather than let him stew over it at home alone and then maybe decide not to say anything to her later, if she had her working hours.

Hi Blobbi,

You've been nominated for the CREATIVE nick/avatar. CAn you pls provide a short write-up as to why/how you chose the nick/avatar, in that thread. Thx!!!

[autumnbronze]

blurqueen:

Happymoon:

Thks, kiasimom. Was feeling kinda guilty cos my DS plays whole day (during hols) while my colleague sends her 6 yr old DD to 6 different enrichment classes (hols or not) each wk. Wondering if I'm not kiasu enough.

What is wrong with a child playing all day? Being a child, he/she is entitled to play and play and play! What's a childhood without play?

DS1 plays all day too even at P1. He only goes for a Chinese tuition since we're a English speaking family. My neighbor is like your colleague and the drilling started since birth (no kidding!). I too wonder if I needed to be more kiasu? End of the day, both boys got similar results and streamed to the same class in school. 1 boy studied all day, one played all day.

Just ensure the child's play has at least some sort of learning process. I don't encourage too much media games. Still prefer the \"do it yourself\" types which DS invents himself to play with his bro. Since they were 3, I let them have a rather free hand on cutting (yes, even handling childproof scissors), sticking, using everything they get their hands on (with permission of course). They have loads of fun making their own toys!

Hi blurqueen,

You've been nominated for the CREATIVE nick/avatar. Can you pls provide a write-up as to how/why you chose the nick/avatar in that thread thanks.

[flim]

Blobbi:

Hi flim, tks for this heartfelt post. It's so true - children's interests can be so fleeting, especially if the parent takes it upon themselves to \"set the direction\".

I wish I knew of a way around this, but this is the ultimate parenting dilemma. Now that I'm a parent, I want the best for my child, and if I see that he excels in an area, I would like to help and encourage him. Trouble is, how much parental interference is too much? Maybe the best thing to do is to keep the communication channels open so that if I make an error like that, my child can tell me and we can reverse the actions.

hi blobbi,

yea you're absolutely right. an open communication will definitely help. my parents and i weren't very open with each other. as a parent now, i try to encourage my daughter to be open to me by being a good listener and by sharing my own feelings to her.

the thing about it is, at least from personal experience with my daughter, sometimes the children can be pretty inconsistent. i asked my daughter the other day if she wanted to learn drawing. she said she didn't want to. after much persuasion, she agreed to give it a go for one lesson. now, she says she wants to go there everyday! haha...

being a parent is really tricky...

[sleepy]

I feel that when the child encounters difficulties, the first reaction is to give up & thus appear to lose interest. That's human nature. When my dd2 started learning piano, she encountered difficulties & we can sense her reluctance to practice. At that junction, we can interpret as no interest & stop her lessons. That thought did cross my mind. In any case, I asked dh to sit with her for 5 minutes everyday. She managed to overcome that difficult stage with our encouragement & nowsaday will automatically practice for 30 minutes to an hour merrily without any reminder. When we were on vacation, she missed her piano :lol:


For my dd1, she only wants to do what she does best & something she knows she can excel in. To ask her to step out of her comfort zone requires lots of effort. For instance, I know she's weak in communication skills but she dislikes speech & drama or show & tell because these are the activities that exposed her weakness so she prefers to shy away from it. In such instance, do we interfere or let her be? My usual approach is let her be, let her decides. I mean what's the point of 'forcing' the child? I've spoken to an educator recently. Suprisingly that educator told us we should push her to explore areas that she's not so good in

[jedamum]

sleepy:

For my dd1, she only wants to do what she does best & something she knows she can excel in. To ask her to step out of her comfort zone requires lots of effort. For instance, I know she's weak in communication skills but she dislikes speech & drama or show & tell because these are the activities that exposed her weakness so she prefers to shy away from it. In such instance, do we interfere or let her be? My usual approach is let her be, let her decides. I mean what's the point of 'forcing' the child? I've spoken to an educator recently. Suprisingly that educator told us we should push her to explore areas that she's not so good in

to let the kid be or to try to hone the wear areas.
is this similar to my earlier question in another thread as whether to hone my boy's mental sums abilities or to focus on doing speedier workings (as he is a visual person).
sometimes i also don't know....
my ds1 is like your dd1, he only wants to do things that he know he can do well in. many a times when his swimming lessons goes a notch higher in level, he'll be moody and lose interest, but luckily his couch knew his pattern (that he 'eat soft no eat hard'), so we go through this cycle every term.

[sleepy]

jedamum:

my ds1 is like your dd1, he only wants to do things that he know he can do well in. many a times when his swimming lessons goes a notch higher in level, he'll be moody and lose interest, but luckily his couch knew his pattern (that he 'eat soft no eat hard'), so we go through this cycle every term.

Is this a common trait among most first borns? perfectionism :?

My dd also takes the soft approach. If I argue with her sure lose. She's more fierce than me :roll:

By the way, your boy pursuing which level for swimming?

[Blobbi]

sleepy:

For my dd1, she only wants to do what she does best & something she knows she can excel in. To ask her to step out of her comfort zone requires lots of effort. For instance, I know she's weak in communication skills but she dislikes speech & drama or show & tell because these are the activities that exposed her weakness so she prefers to shy away from it. In such instance, do we interfere or let her be? My usual approach is let her be, let her decides. I mean what's the point of 'forcing' the child? I've spoken to an educator recently. Suprisingly that educator told us we should push her to explore areas that she's not so good in

This is like my son too, except I'm not sure if it's perfectionism in his case. He's got a very well defined comfort zone and he doesn't like to step out of it. Fair enough, I suppose - all of us have it too. So like you, I don't push - actually, I don't dare, also because of that 吃软不吃硬 trait you and Jedamum are talking about. For years, I've been itching to send him to enrichment class, but every time I try to sell him the idea, he gives me that \"there she goes again\" look and changes the subject. So now, my ploy is to wait till he goes to school. If he develops trouble, I'll have an easier time to persuade him to attend. Otherwise, I'll just have to leave well enough alone. Maybe in the end, it's not such a bad thing.

[Blobbi]

flim:

the thing about it is, at least from personal experience with my daughter, sometimes the children can be pretty inconsistent. i asked my daughter the other day if she wanted to learn drawing. she said she didn't want to. after much persuasion, she agreed to give it a go for one lesson. now, she says she wants to go there everyday! haha...

being a parent is really tricky...

You phrased it exactly!! Yah, it's such a fine balancing act. As the parent, we're supposed to know better. That's true because of our experience, but we're not them, with their individual tastes. So when we feel we've become too pushy, we tell them to choose. But they're not sure either! I tell my son that all three of us (mummy, daddy and him) have to keep trying to maintain a \"happy\" balance. And if it fails, we have to trust that we have the best intentions for each other. This really keeps us going.

Really funny story about your daughter's drawing class!

[flim]

hi everyone, merry christmas!


just wanted to share http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/30/weekinreview/30pennebaker.html with all of you... i read it in the today paper the other day.

it's about a study that showed that those who usually try to multitask are generally worse at multitasking than those who don't usually do it.

i wonder if it also applies to those who try to be good at many things all in one go... and what does that mean to us parents, in terms of our expectation of our children, and expectation of ourselves...