In-law problems?
-
mathsparks:
The above quote was actually in relevance to mine. :oops: Paiseh.buds:
It's fine to stay together but just dowan any nonsense can anot? :lol:
but..but..but..you miss my point, my fren. how can my 12yo son share a room w his 17yo sis? haiz.
:rant: :x :stupid: .. not directed at you la. just upset with my arrangement, that's all.
Should have been clearer. Sollie.. I mean it's not too bad staying
together if one doesn't try to create a rift amongst everyone else.
It should be a case of the more the merrier, ain't it?
Yap. I missed your point by a mile! :oops: Yes, i won't allow my DDs
to share room with brother definitely too.. so that's why i'm hoping
before anything untoward happens should i get \"injected\" like a
total body response/reaction and begin nausea mode... it is wise to
get our own place... which indirectly yet another valid reason to ๆฌๅฎถ.
:lol: -
mathsparks:
Aaaw... then let's hope that the pi would be more scrumptious come summer.
he'll be gone by this week, buds. blame it on global warming.buds:
Are we gonna miss the snowman's humour come summer.. :lol:
-
EN:
Shouldn't it be \"fortunately\"? Mine started hinting, wanting to stay at our place. The last she stayed at our place was when I have just given birth to my first child. I wanted to be independent & she insisted on coming over to \"help\". Suffice to say, I was bullied. Hubby knows it. The very reason he makes sure, she doesn't take advantage of me.
I'm so moved!
Your hubby is soooo.... .....
Makes me......
You are one lucky girl. :salute:
Luckily you ran after him for number.
Psst, i believe you now when you say your
hubby won't allow you to feel the least slighted.
I totally dig it now... he's very into you. So nice... :hugs:
:celebrate: -
Hey buds... fret not! I really believe in good karma and that what goes around, will come around. Maybe the benefits can't be seen right now, but I really think that you are setting a good example for your children. And somehow, your kids will take care of you too when they are older.
Your patience with ILs is near sainthood and I really admire you for that. The things, us wives go through for our hubs. :love: -
Yeah schweppes, fret not. :celebrate:
Yap, as i do believe in good karma i suppose dats why i
have managed to survive so far. Though the girls some
times see stuff i go through and they try to interpret, i
just shush it aside and assure them it's nothing big of
a deal. Kids shouldn't be involved in all the adult politics.
Whatever issues i have with ILs or even when things
aren't quite right with hubs, the girls can sense cause
we are very close and always together... but i do not
let them see my despair or disappointment... i try as
much not to. All are only silent ones, hence this
thread just provides the avenue for me to rant... but
definitely not to the likes of hubs of course. He doesn't
know... hence the inability to understand what i have
to go through. He's at work most times. And MIL doesn't
usually act up in front of him... so the part abt seeing-is-
believing can never really be on my side unless God wants
to open his eyes. Oh well.. its mostly in the past now. Like
i said, these are more of my rantings. Forgive & forget they
say. Dun hold grudges. Dun be petty. I've done them
all. I just want for once to lead my own life with my
family the way i want it to be, without having someone
to impose on my ways and constantly supervising and
having stuff to talk behind our backs. Though most times,
hubs just finds it's best to ignore... which i've done too...
sometimes the human nature tugs at the heart which
makes it challenging to do so.
Ya, the stuff we go through..... sigh..... but like i said before,
it does make one stronger. I'm gonna stay positive
for myself and for holding my sanity. I know my sunshine will
come one day... after the storm. Dorothy did go back to Kansas
didn't she? :hugs: Thanks for the love, schweppes. -
buds:
Firstly I admire your effort to reply every post so diligently. kudos.Ermmm... ks2me... there wasn't a contest to begin with. Even if there was,
it would be a contest she conjured up on her own. I wanted her as my
best friend! She was very nice when i first knew her as a bf's mom... and
i honestly didn't know it turned 360 degrees when we became official...
Now, that's sad..
Secondly, I guess I saw all the patterns, nice and not nice of my MIL before engaging myself in the marriage, so I could close my eyes after marriage. In your case, she was nice at first....that's a tough one. :hugs: Must be such a :!: for you after marriage.buds:
Going by your bubbly personality online, I believe you can be happily single like me. :celebrate: Btw, I don't mean that you are disrespectful, I say it to mean how I fierce I can be with my spouse if he has anything to say about my parents, so on that premise of my own behaviour, I will go easy on him too. But I agree with you that respect is both ways. It seems that your MIL is using her trump cards all the time to her advantage, never a fair play. Actually times like this, if your dh understands what you are going through, it is good enough. My thinking is at this point in my MIL's life, I do not expect her to change, it would be harder than going to the moon. If she so decides to change, I think God is giving me a bonus here.If there isn't an issue to a contest in the first place, there can never be an
issue of replacement. Gosh no! Being married is an add-on... not minus off.
I would have happily stayed single had i known she didn't like me.. :lol:
It is an unspoken trait that one should never disrespect elders.
I never was disrespectful or if i had, it never meant to come out that way
intentionally. But respect is earned and a 2-way thing.. It proves as a
challenge when one seems to strive all out to make things difficult for
another knowing full well, there is no room to tolerate disrespect. :stupid: buds:
Thanks.Guess, yer MIL find it hard to swallow da all in one miss perfect.. :hugs:
In this area, I have mastered a form of kungfu, to ignore is bliss because she does not know enough to comment effectively. buds:
Good that you are still optimistic. When there is hope, there is future. Has this thought ever crossed your mind?Yep. Life can be good.. and it can be better too. Just program to delete
the spams lor.. :celebrate: Erm.. the goodness in her part.... :idea:....
guess mine will come soon.
\"MILs prefer blur DILs\". I think sometimes it's got something to do with aging. Aging makes a person constantly want to justify their existence so they will do anything to make their presence felt. buds:
Good, then no issue here.Don't intend to.. never intended to.
buds:
Yeah, to maintain sanity, vent sometimes here and sometimes with friends and get it out of the system. Then try to travel in time 20 years ahead and tell ourselves, pleeeeeeeeaseeee do not be LIKE them!! It helps me alot....I just love mirroring... :lol:Girls or boys, it doesn't matter. The fact that he's got that bond with his
mom goes to show how good she has raised her boy. And yes, i agree
anyone would like for their children to have close bonds with their families.
It is a good thing. Extended families are supposed to offer extended and
bountiful happiness... no? And each time IL topics come up in those once in
a blue moon get-togethers with other gfs.. we never fail to tell each other;
to remind one another that should the creepy unbecoming IL trait tries to
show itself in anyone of us, we should be told in the face to cut the crap. -
ks2me:
Firstly I admire your effort to reply every post so diligently. kudos.
I just thought since this is a rather subjective and sensitive topic i had
to be clear in case my posts are misconstrued to what they aren't.ks2me:
Patterns? :laugh:Secondly, I guess I saw all the patterns, nice and not nice of my MIL before engaging myself in the marriage, so I could close my eyes after marriage.
ks2me:
Tough? :!:In your case, she was nice at first....that's a tough one. :hugs: Must be such a :!: for you after marriage.
It was nightmare on Elm Street each time!
I had to tread carefully each time so as not to incur her look..
what more her wrath and stinging comments. I couldn't be
myself.. my jovial bubbly self at all and it felt horrible. I felt it
would seem horrible to be happy and i might be scorned for
that too! She wasn't just nice at first, girl... she was very very
extremely nice! I was forewarned to look out as that was a
dangerous start to official-dom. But i cast the warnings aside
wholeheartedly believing the good in her. She was like an older
sister i never had! So understanding.. so approachable.. that
when i shared with my mumsie how close we were, she did kinda
flinch a lil. :lol: Me and mumsie were never reali close. I'm a daddie's
girl.ks2me:
Yes, you're right about that. See! We ladies are reali easy to please. AndGoing by your bubbly personality online, I believe you can be happily single like me. :celebrate: Btw, I don't mean that you are disrespectful, I say it to mean how I fierce I can be with my spouse if he has anything to say about my parents, so on that premise of my own behaviour, I will go easy on him too. But I agree with you that respect is both ways. It seems that your MIL is using her trump cards all the time to her advantage, never a fair play. Actually times like this, if your dh understands what you are going through, it is good enough.
we make adaptations where we can... we're not that rigid or hard hearted.ks2me:
Change?My thinking is at this point in my MIL's life, I do not expect her to change, it would be harder than going to the moon. If she so decides to change, I think God is giving me a bonus here.
Dun think that's gonna happen anytime. But i just need God
to help get me outta here. Wehwehweh... I promise to be good... :please:
Please?buds:
Guess, yer MIL find it hard to swallow da all in one miss perfect.. :hugs:
ks2me:
Dun think any karate can outdo your kungfu, cos things are just too perfectThanks.
In this area, I have mastered a form of kungfu, to ignore is bliss because she does not know enough to comment effectively.
to find any fault with and it would seem kinda ridiculous and petty on her
end.. That's to your advantage. Being perfect. :celebrate:buds:
Yep. Life can be good.. and it can be better too. Just program to delete
the spams lor.. :celebrate: Erm.. the goodness in her part.... :idea:....
guess mine will come soon.ks2me:
Daftness riles her up! And it wud just go to show how incompetent i amGood that you are still optimistic. When there is hope, there is future. Has this thought ever crossed your mind?
\"MILs prefer blur DILs\".
on how to manage her son. Silence / no response riles her up too! So....... i tried being blur, suffice to say... didn reali work. ks2me:
Wise.I think sometimes it's got something to do with aging. Aging makes a person constantly want to justify their existence so they will do anything to make their presence felt.
ks2me:
Yes, iYeah, to maintain sanity, vent sometimes here and sometimes with friends and get it out of the system. Then try to travel in time 20 years ahead and tell ourselves, pleeeeeeeeaseeee do not be LIKE them!! It helps me alot....I just love mirroring... :lol:
i will not be like that. But it should be easier on me, no?
Having 2 girls means i wud be having Son ILs instead of DILs?
20 years ahead! :!:
I dare not think so far... :scared:
What if... just what if... :nailbite: 20yrs on we're still together? :faint:
Not that i mind taking care of my elders..... just that i hope elders won't
gimme a hard time lar. Very tiring play these mind games leh... Now
where's that PSP... :idea: ... I seriously gotta de-stress.. Unload unload...
Happy thoughts... happy thoughts... -
Oh dear buds, I donโt mean to upset you further. I was sharing with you that MIL bullies whenever she got the chance. She came to "help" in our house yet behind my back, she instigated hubby that divorce is easy & surely dh will win the child. I was not even 2 weeks after given birth. Not that DH protects me terribly but he knows his mother very well. He was the child that was beaten black and blue, hence there is no love lost between them.
Sorry. I have never really plough in this thread to read things fully. Have you ever raised up the idea of buying a flat with him? Get another baby, get a maid, congested space will make a couple wants to move out. Especially if the next baby is a baby boy. Definitely canโt share with the sisters. -
EN:
Have you ever raised up the idea of buying a flat with him? Get another baby, get a maid, congested space will make a couple wants to move out. Especially if the next baby is a baby boy. Definitely can't share with the sisters.
huh, got use meh? scuddy they say why not bud's dh buy a bigger house so all can move over? dun mean to say but sometimes once the in-laws feel they've got u under their little finger, there's no running away... i feel buds very nice, for the sake of family harmony,can \"suck it up\".
i tell my dh, i m an educated woman, not like my mum. so no reason for me to \"ren3 qi4 tun1 sheng1\". :x of course i dun flare up for the slightest bit of thing. i \"show face colour\" only for broader issues like not respecting my position as the \"lady of the household\". -
foreverj:
it will be difficult if the MIL is to live alone after her children move out - like the case of my mum, she'll have to live with either of my brothers no matter what.EN:
Have you ever raised up the idea of buying a flat with him? Get another baby, get a maid, congested space will make a couple wants to move out. Especially if the next baby is a baby boy. Definitely can't share with the sisters.
huh, got use meh? scuddy they say why not bud's dh buy a bigger house so all can move over? dun mean to say but sometimes once the in-laws feel they've got u under their little finger, there's no running away... i feel buds very nice, for the sake of family harmony,can \"suck it up\".
i tell my dh, i m an educated woman, not like my mum. so no reason for me to \"ren3 qi4 tun1 sheng1\". :x of course i dun flare up for the slightest bit of thing. i \"show face colour\" only for broader issues like not respecting my position as the \"lady of the household\".
otherwise, it may be worth to broach the topic if the husband is agreeable to it.
i told my husband that i don't mind him buying a bigger house so that everyone can move over, but on condition that I am the female house-owner; that makes a lot of difference as i had encounter first hand how ugly things can get when disputes occur.
i guess despite our differences, my MIL is still very much understanding than most MILs out there, cos after i managed to up my courage to broach this topic, she is actually more supportive and helpful than my husband (maybe she had had enough of me??
:!: ) ...who is already in comfort zone staying with his mum. :roll:
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