Help! My DS is not motivated.

[hashroop]

Parents pls help me, as im in dilema

My DS1 is sitting for his NA exams this year. He had practically spent the entire school vacation playing PS3 and Xbox. I scream, shout, sweet talk to him to cut down on his games and revise his school work but he just doesnt listen. He told me he’ll stop once school term starts…
I still dont see him getting motivated and revising. Each time i remind him his promise he answers " mummy pls dont tell me wat to do…i know wat im doing and i’ll study"
I always end up walking out of his room baffled. Ive even threatened him if he doesnt wake up, ill pull him out of school as he is wasting everyones time and money…
I feel ive failed as a parent. Ive got him tuitions for A n E Maths, combine science and POA. but i still feel im not doing enough.
Lastly, he hasnt even come up with a time table for revision. As he is the first grandson, he doesnt have a cousin or older sibling that can seek guidance and motivation.
Someone pls help me what I should do and how to get it started…

thank you

[FrekiWang]

since he said he will stop once school terms start, just take away his PS3 and Xbox once the school term starts(tmr).


By the way, kids need at least one non-academic activity to release their stresses. You have to help him to find a replacement if you don’t want him to play PS3/Xbox (such as sports or tablegames or whatever) zero leisure time is neither practical nor possible at all.

[hashroop]

thank you both for your replies…

Yes, he plays soccer once or twice aweek in the evening with his classmates. we all live closeby each other so they meet in the evenings for a game

[Haneyi]

I'm not a parent, but I hope I can help a little.


Is your DS getting good grades in school? Does he do all his homework etc.? I do fine for my examinations and tests, but I never really properly studied at home. I sit in front of my computer for long hours once I reach home everyday, even during my PSLE period. My mom got angry and wanted to take away my computer. Every time I heard that, I feel sad.

School hours are long and when we come back from school, most of the time we are already very tired so it's natural for us not to be motivated to study outside of school. I pay attention during lessons and do my homework though ( Important! ).

You can also check with his tutor whether he's doing okay etc, also ask him if the tuition is helping him as not everyone benefit from tuition ( I didn't and it was a waste of money ).

The year has just started, there are still many tests and examinations to come. If he says he knows what he's doing and will study, let him continue playing ( even if he is lying ). Why? I know as a parent, you care about his studies and want him to do well, but he is the one taking the examination, it is his life, his future, you can guide him and give him advices, but in the end, he makes his own choices. If asking him to cut down on the playing time doesn't work, screaming and shouting doesn't work, taking away his Xbox and PS3 most likely won't work as well. In fact, that will not motivate him to study, but make him sad / angry instead.

In life, you get a tap ( friendly reminder ), and then a slap, followed by a push. If after all that and nothing changes, you can only wait for the brick wall to fall on you. Deep inside, no one wants to fail, no one wants to do badly, and I believe it is the same for your son. You already did your best, it is up to him now.

I hope everything turns out well for you and your son. :xedfingers:

( Hopefully this helps, I apologize if anything I said didn't make sense etc. :oops: )

[hashroop]

Dear Haneyi


thank you for your kind advise…much appreciated. Will monitor him closely and hope pulls up his socks. He didnt do quite well in his last exams

[jen.03343895]

Another thing is that you could motivate him by helping him to set a target.


For example, I guess that he loves gaming. Therefore, you could probably show him some courses in the polytechnic which teaches gaming and its creations, such as Diploma in Games Design & Development by Singapore Polytechnic. Tell him that these courses required good grades to get in and if he wanted these courses, he must work double hard.

These can be quite a good method. This is because that what happened to many of my friends. They generally do not like studying and scored rather badly. However, after the school brings them to polytechnic open houses, they realized that by continuing not to study, they could not enter into their dream courses. As a result, they work hard enough and most of the time do get their desire result.

[hashroop]

hi Jen thx…actually thats the course that he’s interested in.Coincendatally, their sch brougt them to Temasek Poly just yesterday and he was so thrilled to learn such a course being offered.


Im trying to get him out of his lazy attitude. He knows his dreams but expect them to just drop into his laps without thriving… sigh:(

[mdmlow]

Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with hi explaining to him the importance.

[POA Teacher]

Your son is a typical teenager.


I tutor mainly Sec 4 and 5 students. Most of them are like your son, especially 4N kids. (But I confess I was not deligent too when I was their age :oops: ).
Some of them don't \"wake up\" until a few months before the N lvls. (I've had 4N students who began tuition only in June/ July with single-digit marks for their mid-year SA).
Btw, nagging doesn't work on them.
Hopefully your son will change soon.

[mummy so kiasu]

hashroop:

Dear Haneyi


thank you for your kind advise..much appreciated. Will monitor him closely and hope pulls up his socks. He didnt do quite well in his last exams

I agree with haneyi. If the child is not motivated, then tuition will not make much different. Try to talk to him & find how to motivate him. You can either read out on such topics & send him to a motivation camp.