In-law problems?

[KSmom8]

I can empathize with many who have shared their issues with ILs. Each family have their own issues and problems.


I don't dread CNY. I just dread ANY gatherings with ILs. Over more than 10 years, I have learnt that my ILs and my side of the family are just so different. Perhaps it has to do with upbringing or backgrounds, I don't know.

Over the more than 10 years, I've learnt that a cordial relationship with my ILs is the best. I don't like them honestly. I've accepted them as they are. They do not have any ill-intentions but to me, they are simply so tactless and sometimes, plain interfering. They love to harp and harp when I don't take their \"advice\". it's just their style or way of life. If I get too close, then it opens the doors to lots of comments, which is fine if I can give my opinions without damaging the relationship with them or having a cold war. But to maintain family harmony, i've learnt to close both ears and tolerate, and most of all, I've learnt to keep my honest opinions to myself. And that's why I dread gatherings... It's difficult for me to enjoy under such circumstances.

Sometimes, ranting on this forum with fellow DILs help to keep my sanity. And I'm sure that my ILs will also have plenty to say about this DIL of theirs, if they were also in KSP. :evil: I'm far from the perfect DIL, just as they are not perfect ILs.

Btw, my kids don't know how I feel. I encourage them to treat both maternal and paternal side the same. I still hope that they will have a good relationship with both maternal and paternal sides, just as I do with mine.

[AdonciaTang]

KSmom8:

I can empathize with many who have shared their issues with ILs. Each family have their own issues and problems.


I don't dread CNY. I just dread ANY gatherings with ILs. Over more than 10 years, I have learnt that my ILs and my side of the family are just so different. Perhaps it has to do with upbringing or backgrounds, I don't know.

Over the more than 10 years, I've learnt that a cordial relationship with my ILs is the best. I don't like them honestly. I've accepted them as they are. They do not have any ill-intentions but to me, they are simply so tactless and sometimes, plain interfering. They love to harp and harp when I don't take their \"advice\". it's just their style or way of life. If I get too close, then it opens the doors to lots of comments, which is fine if I can give my opinions without damaging the relationship with them or having a cold war. But to maintain family harmony, i've learnt to close both ears and tolerate, and most of all, I've learnt to keep my honest opinions to myself. And that's why I dread gatherings... It's difficult for me to enjoy under such circumstances.

Sometimes, ranting on this forum with fellow DILs help to keep my sanity. And I'm sure that my ILs will also have plenty to say about this DIL of theirs, if they were also in KSP. :evil: I'm far from the perfect DIL, just as they are not perfect ILs.

Btw, my kids don't know how I feel. I encourage them to treat both maternal and paternal side the same. I still hope that they will have a good relationship with both maternal and paternal sides, just as I do with mine.

:goodpost:

[BlueBells]

Angelight:

3boys, I also want to put on a bright dress and bright smile and have a great time. But CNY gathering is also the time when I will be asked insensitive though maybe well meaning questions like \"when are you going to have a second child?\", or \"better hurry before you get too old!\", or \"why only stop at one, so lonely for the poor child!\" etc.


It always saddened me to hear such questions but pray tell me, how do I graciously reply to such insensitive questions except to give them a sad smile. :sad: To make matters worse, my BIL has 3 kids, so the relatives will be comparing yet again...even dd has been asking why her cousins have siblings and she doesn't. I don't know how to answer her.

Sorry a bit off topic, but I just want to explain why so of us dread CNY gathering. Jia jia you ben nang nian de jing. Every family has its own issues.

I know how it is. I have 2 girls, so everyone has been asking when am I going to try for a third time lucky. I alwasy tell them, \"Can you ask my hubby? I wanted a third one, but he didn't.\" So everyone goes bother my hubby and he tells them off, and I get to laugh at this with my hubby. It is not fair that the wife is always targeted with such question, so I pushed it to the hubby.

[janet88]

Actually, most people do not understand it is the MAN who provides the Y chromosome to have that precious son. I have 2 (a girl and a boy…no offence to anyone) and yet get bothered with ‘what about a 3rd one?’

These people really have nothing to talk about…so pathetic.

[AdonciaTang]

janet_lee88:

Actually, most people do not understand it is the MAN who provides the Y chromosome to have that precious son. I have 2 (a girl and a boy...no offence to anyone) and yet get bothered with 'what about a 3rd one?'

These people really have nothing to talk about...so pathetic.

LOL. They have nth better to do. I have 2 sons as most of you know and yet I was targeted as not having a daughter. I felt so sad whenever they ask me why dont try for the third one to have a girl. And now that I wan to adopt, I can hear them talking and saying that I cant conceive and so on

[janet88]

Ignore…what else can be done to such irritating people. Or else ask them if they are going to raise the kid if I give birth to number 3.

[Ran1977]

janet_lee88:

Ignore...what else can be done to such irritating people. Or else ask them if they are going to raise the kid if I give birth to number 3.

:udawoman:

[AdonciaTang]

Ran1977:

janet_lee88:

Ignore...what else can be done to such irritating people. Or else ask them if they are going to raise the kid if I give birth to number 3.

:udawoman:

No choice. Ignore and don listen the best. Thank god my hubby always help me or else i think i will just cannot tahan

[janet88]

Even though decision of having kids is between husband and me, they ask as though they are involved, so I think it is not wrong to ask them to raise if I have #3.

[carilyn]

My mil has dementia and is verbally and physically abusive. Well, even without dementia, she is a very nasty and negative person. Even without the illness she was not a nice person to handle. She was dependent on me but not nice to me…and we have no support from his other siblings whether emotionally or financially. Initially I was full of self sympathy and got negative but through online support groups, I found ways of discharging myself. I wrote journals to vent my anger and frustrations and often after reading back the journals, I realized how childish and silly I am to get angry over things and getting upset for hours. Intentionally or unintentionally, it’s already bad that nasty things happen, and to brood over it and make oneself miserable only makes matters worse.

I’ve since learn to handle things in a more positive way ( I’m still learning so at times still bottles up negatives feelings). But more important, I’m really thankful to her for giving me such a wonderful husband. One day I will be naggy too( tho I will try hard not to be) and maybe negative and nasty, but with such a patient husband, I trust he won’t detest me and will continue to treat me well like his mum who has not been treating him well since young.