All About Parenting Teenagers

[madamwoo]

Hi,


I have a daughter just started her secondary school. She seems to have problem adjusting. I am worried that she may turn rebellious when turning into teens. any advice for me?

Thanks,
woo

[madamwoo]

She has changed from a bubbly little girl to a very quiet girl since she moved to a new school. She missed her old classmates and withdraw herself in the new envoirment. She doesn’t talk much nowadays and always hide herself in her room.

[madamwoo]

Thanks for your advice, BlackBelt.

We had a good discussion before and she agreed with the choice of school.
I tried to sit her down and findout what's going on but she just avoided the topic.
She is always at the computer and refused to spend her free time with the family. I suspect that she's making some new friends online but didn't want to let us know. I'm worried that she'll meet the wrong people.
It is also hard for me to force her to tell me everything especially at her age now. Our relationship is drifting apart.

[madamwoo]

Thank you… But I can’t think of any other family member who can help. Reading your reply tells me that I have made a mistake to let her have her computer in her room. I’m not sure it will be possible to ask her to keep the door open. But I will try to find an opportunity to speak with her.

[yeo88]

Hi,

My daughter is 11 and I can understand how you feel. I have not allowed her to close her room door although she complains that I am not giving her any privacy. When did she start to close the door? What you can do is check the history on her computer to check the websites she is looking at.

[madamwoo]

I chanced upon this Strategic Parenting course.


http://in-focus.com.sg/strategic-parenting-on-7-8-9-mar-2013-3/

This course may be able to help me to work better with my daughter...I'm thinking of giving it a try.

[insider]

madamwoo:

I chanced upon this Strategic Parenting course.


http://in-focus.com.sg/strategic-parenting-on-7-8-9-mar-2013-3/

This course may be able to help me to work better with my daughter...I'm thinking of giving it a try.

Teens are most the time quite challenging.

It is good that parents can try to attending courses to see whether they can pick up indirect parenting skills (towards teens, most of the time direct teaching is not effective anymore. They usually will go into switch off mood the moment they sense you want to 'preach').

I once said that many parents spend so much money on their children for tuition and enrichment but they spend / invest too little on themselves to upgrade their 'skills'.

When parenting skills improve, the children will benefit tremendously.

I am not sure whether this course is effective but can look at parenting courses for a try if you are at your wits end towards dealing with your child.

[madamwoo]

Yes, I totally agree that it is imperative for parents to upgrade their parenting silks.


Dealing with the teens are getting more challenging nowadays. Our approach has to be very tactful / careful…all these requires skills & strategies which we may not know or have.

If the approach is wrong, we may risk losing their trust and they may not listen to us anymore or some may even turned rebellious. If any of this happens, it will be tough for the parents.

[channie]

How about those children who are on the verge of puberty/journey to being a teenager?

[concernmother]

i have two teens. One is 15 and the other 13. It is very challenging. I have problems coping with my first kid when she hits 13. She has mood swing, withdraw from family and likes to lock herself in the room. She said she likes to be on her own. It was difficult in the beginning. But gradually, I come to accept that. Most important, you have to know her friends and what she is doing outside. I guess we cannot control them at this age but we can give them guidance and advice. If she does not listen, she will have to bear the consequences. My girl is stubborn and likes to do things her own way. She is impatient when i talk to her. So i am very careful when it comes to talking to her. I try to pick the right time…I will not talk sense to her at home…but will do that when we are outside shopping or having a meal. If i talk to her at home, she will have the chance to escape to her room or just "playing" with her phone. Well, she cannot run away when she is outside…hahah…she needs transport home. Good thing is she never talks back at me. Not at this moment. I accept this now because I "xiang kai le". I was young before so i understand her level of behaviour. She is the rebellious type if I force her to do things. So i have to be careful.

I guess it all depends on individual. I have friends whose kids are very "well-behaved". No such nonsense. Really envy them. They are also very self-motivated. Sometimes, I wish they are my kids!
Well, whether my kid does well in her exam or not, she is still my kid. I cannot leave her and ignore her. I cannot force her to study this and that, do well in this and that or threaten her that she will not have tv program if she does badly in so and so exam. We can do that when they are in primary school but not in sec. All i can do now is give her encouragement and lots of love. I cannot force her or else I will press the bomb button.
Sigh, not easy being a parent. The more the kids ignore you, the more you have to "bow down" to them and talk to them. Not preach. But talk casual things to add them in as a family. I think it is better to have one-way traffic than to have no traffic at all. If there is no traffic for a long time, your relationship with her will be gone.
I always remind myself this.
I am not a perfect mum. My kid is not a perfect kid. She does not belong to the top Sec school. But i believe that relationship and bond with the family are the most important.