Club SAHM
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mummyliv:
VemmaMom:
Sometimes is the frustrations that we, SAHM faced like no ME alone time.. most private time for me is when I m in my bathroom......
haha so funny but so true.. i also have private me time only in bathroom... thats the only time i am alone and can do my own stuff and peace...
mummyliv,
I will shout at anyone who disturb my precious moments in there... not even my hubby is allowed to talk to me..
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Imami:
Taking care of others ie children, in- laws, family .. etc is never easy. It involves giving of oneself. But that's what living is all about. Cheers to all of you!
I realized that I was alone in this journey of parenting/wifey role some years back. I see it as a \"battle\" that I have to fight alone. A while later, I realized, hey, I was never alone! My little boy was always with me!SAHM Chew:
I have no help from anyone too. And need to do the cooking,sending, fetching, teaching..... All by myself. Sometimes, I felt so tired, and no one could really understand.....
If it makes anyone feel better, think of yourself as a lit candle. You burn yourself bright for the good of your loved ones. Or would you rather be a candle which has never been lit? Never have brought any warmth or brightness to anyone? Just gotta make sure one doesn't burn at both ends all the time,
The people around us may not understand. This, I can attest to it. But I have recently realize that there many many more who understand and share my pain. They are people like you :hugs: -
Mawar:
Taking care of others ie children, in- laws, family .. etc is never easy. It involves giving of oneself. But that's what living is all about. Cheers to all of you![/quote] :goodpost: :goodpost: Imami and Mawar.
I realized that I was alone in this journey of parenting/wifey role some years back. I see it as a \"battle\" that I have to fight alone. A while later, I realized, hey, I was never alone! My little boy was always with me!Imami:
[quote=\"SAHM Chew\"]
I have no help from anyone too. And need to do the cooking,sending, fetching, teaching..... All by myself. Sometimes, I felt so tired, and no one could really understand.....
If it makes anyone feel better, think of yourself as a lit candle. You burn yourself bright for the good of your loved ones. Or would you rather be a candle which has never been lit? Never have brought any warmth or brightness to anyone? Just gotta make sure one doesn't burn at both ends all the time,
The people around us may not understand. This, I can attest to it. But I have recently realize that there many many more who understand and share my pain. They are people like you :hugs: -
3Boys:
I :salute: you. Wish DH was as enlightened as you.
DW was SAHM briefly, and one can get depressed in that role. The well-being of the family is very dependent on the well-being of the mum. Do take time off to recharge, buy some new clothes, feel good about yourself. As you love your family, you must do this for yourself, you must. It's more important than doing the dishes, more important than taking the kids to enrichment class.
I was so unhappy when I first stopped work for 1 year when DC1 was younger. Tried to do too much, I think.
When I became a SAHM for the 2nd time, I sometimes chill out in cafes whilst the children are in enrichment. I don't cook every dinner and lunch. Even though, I have a maid, I now do at least 50% of the chores (with each new maid, I end up doing more)....
Perhaps... That's why MIL is unhappy with this lazy DIL. SAHM is a 24 / 7 job and I'd rather keep my sanity.
To all SAHMs, do take time to love yourself. :grphug: -
Times have changed. Being a SAHM today requires more time, effort and sanity. Could it be due to higher education expectations that caused the higher stress? I don’t know. There is so much giving on our part…but towards kids and hubby, I am more than willing…though with some occasional grouse. But I don’t think I have a heart big enough to handle his parents. Guess hubby is beginning to know his mother’s character more of late. He has given up.
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Imami:
I realized that I was alone in this journey of parenting/wifey role some years back. I see it as a \"battle\" that I have to fight alone. A while later, I realized, hey, I was never alone! My little boy was always with me!SAHM Chew:
I have no help from anyone too. And need to do the cooking,sending, fetching, teaching..... All by myself. Sometimes, I felt so tired, and no one could really understand.....
If it makes anyone feel better, think of yourself as a lit candle. You burn yourself bright for the good of your loved ones. Or would you rather be a candle which has never been lit? Never have brought any warmth or brightness to anyone? Just gotta make sure one doesn't burn at both ends all the time,
The people around us may not understand. This, I can attest to it. But I have recently realize that there many many more who understand and share my pain. They are people like you :hugs:
It takes another of its own kind to understand the other. Life is about being giving and sharing. People who are only takers are not happy people because they never reap the joy of giving. Those who conscientiously work hard for the benefit of others especially for your loved ones are the most rewarded. Thus, the burning candle is a much more rewarding role than the unlit one.
The complexities of family relationships especially with the in-laws, is indeed daunting for many. Most of us struggle because we are clueless about how we should adjust and improve our marital/parenting/family relationships. It is all about managing, not conquering differences.
We have to find new and creative options to manage around conflicts in the family instead of resolving them. I learnt that in people, every strength is a weakness and every weakness is a strength. Doing more does not necessary mean it's better than doing less. Our strength can also be our weakness. So manage it well. Learning to moderate our behaviour and expectations is a good tool in order to manage the differences in the members of the family. Transform conflicts into opportunities. It is possible if we practise more empathy, kindness, humility and forgiveness. -
Desserts:
Totally agree. I am also another bao gah Liao mother but is a happy one. Jiayou everyone, FTWM, WAHM & SAHM! :rahrah:Yes, fresco, so true, we have to learn to give and take.
Sahm chew, me too, got no help. Also got to bao ga Liao from teaching to cooking, marketing , etc. So, will sometimes ask the husband to give me some time off, to relax.
Think we Sahm, really need time to chill out, for me, I take it as a time to reflect on myself, ESP when I had a crazy week, or shouting at the kids too much. I also don't have a big heart to stay with my in laws long term, cause I ll end up having to serve them. Hahaha.
When mil came to stay over for 2 days sometimes, she practically treated herself as queen, and I had to serve her all 3 meals, she didn't lift a finger to help, not even minor things like folding the clothes or clear up after meals. I even treated her to pedi and mani and foot reflex. Knowing she has no dds, i try my best to fill in as one. Hb also saw that his mother is calculative and petty and hard to please.
Ya, janet, the education system is getting so much more stressful, after last year s psle saga, I m still drained now, no energy to help my p5 and 1.
But we must take care of ourselves well, my female lecturer alw told us, we have to look good to feel good. Hehe.
Have a great week ahead, all blessed mamas. -
Even though I work around 12 hours daily and still have to supervise kids after work, I still think that it is easier than being a working mother than a SAHM. I experienced how tough it is being a SAHM when I took time off from work to look after kids due to a family situation then. I do not trust my kids with the maid alone.
There is a common misconception that it is "shiok" when "no need to work". But people do not understand how tough managing a household and bringing up the kids can be. It is frustrating guiding the child through the homework (more stressful trying to figure out which part of the work the child does not understand than to work) and the absence of intellectual companionship can be lonely (thankfully there is KSP website nowadays).
Personally, I think the contributions and sacrifices of SAHMs have been very under-rated and not fully recognised or appreciated. -
I am not an SAHM obviously, but please allow me to share my perspective on this.
Being self-sacrificial helps no one in the long run, absolutely no one.
SAHM gets jaded and resentful, nags, hubby gets irritated, takes wife for granted, ungrateful kids take all the pampering as an expectation, romance goes out the window.
It’s a vicious cycle with a predictable end-point.
You may or may not end up in disaster, but you have put yourself at risk for it.
And the problem is, THERE IS NO NEED TO!
Your kids don’t need to be waited on 24/7. A little messiness in their lives won’t kill them. They don’t need the perfect lunch box, they can always do with less enrichment classes, they don’t have to be ferried everywhere.
You, the centre of the household, the SAHM, you need time to recharge and get OUT of the rut and routine.
You owe it to YOURSELF, and you owe it to your FAMILY to do so! There are very few superwomen out there, you shouldn’t try to be one, you DON"T NEED to be one!
My DW and I made it very clear to each other when we had kids, that we would NOT place our kids AHEAD of our relationship. Of course, we are sensible about it, when it’s exam season, we don’t run off on a romantic getaway, if our kids are ill, we will cancel dinner to be with them. But in the day to day, it’s us time, and then it’s kids time.
And I believe in doing so, we keep our relationship strong, and that in my view, is the MOST important thing to the kids, more than the laundry, more than the dishes, more than the schoolwork.
So quit the heroism and self-sacrifice and perceived external expectations and treat yourself as you should. A happy mum begets a happy dad begets a happy family. Dishes be damned… -
3Boys:
:goodpost:I am not an SAHM obviously, but please allow me to share my perspective on this.
Being self-sacrificial helps no one in the long run, absolutely no one.
SAHM gets jaded and resentful, nags, hubby gets irritated, takes wife for granted, ungrateful kids take all the pampering as an expectation, romance goes out the window.
It's a vicious cycle with a predictable end-point.
You may or may not end up in disaster, but you have put yourself at risk for it.
And the problem is, THERE IS NO NEED TO!
Your kids don't need to be waited on 24/7. A little messiness in their lives won't kill them. They don't need the perfect lunch box, they can always do with less enrichment classes, they don't have to be ferried everywhere.
You, the centre of the household, the SAHM, you need time to recharge and get OUT of the rut and routine.
You owe it to YOURSELF, and you owe it to your FAMILY to do so! There are very few superwomen out there, you shouldn't try to be one, you DON\"T NEED to be one!
My DW and I made it very clear to each other when we had kids, that we would NOT place our kids AHEAD of our relationship. Of course, we are sensible about it, when it's exam season, we don't run off on a romantic getaway, if our kids are ill, we will cancel dinner to be with them. But in the day to day, it's us time, and then it's kids time.
And I believe in doing so, we keep our relationship strong, and that in my view, is the MOST important thing to the kids, more than the laundry, more than the dishes, more than the schoolwork.
So quit the heroism and self-sacrifice and perceived external expectations and treat yourself as you should. A happy mum begets a happy dad begets a happy family. Dishes be damned....
I need to learn how to let go....
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