don't really know how to talk to wife
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It is perfectly normal and healthy when spouses get into conflicts, disagree and argue over issues. I, too, am not exempted from the occasional bickering with my spouse during my many years of marriage. I have learnt that the key lies in how you manage the conflicts effectively by working around them, if not resolving them. Be creative.
The fact that spouses end up hurting each other during arguments is when they talk too much and think/listen too little. They lose control of their emotions in order to gain control of the arguments
when being challenged. In their emotional angst, they become irrational and unreasonable. The more vocal and
eloquent one seems to always have
the upper hand, even though they are in
the wrong as pride gets in the way. The
other is left feeling bitter and resentful.
Hence, communication breaks down.
What spouses fail to see is that
relationship is more important than those
conflicting issues. In truth, there are many issues not worth fighting about. They sap
your energy, make you feel miserable and frustrated and destroy your relationship.
Start by affirming each otherβs strengths.
Indeed, affirmation is in short supply nowadays. Thus, people end up criticizing more and appreciating/encuraging less.
They dwell too much on the negatives and
what goes wrong instead of the positives and what is good and beautiful.
Mutual respect for each other is important.
Husbands, love your wives. Wives, respect your husbands. Stop being self-centred and be sensitive to the feelings and needs of your spouse.
Recognise each otherβs differences and manage them well. Make adjustments to our behaviour and expectations. Listen
well to each otherβs perspective. No
judgemental, selective or even attack listening, please. Practise empathy. Be kind to each other.
Lastly, stop being resentful and practiss forgiveness. Your pride and ego will not save your marriage but humility will. Either you win your arguments or lose your relationship. The choice is clear for those with wisdom. -
:hugs: :snuggles:
Action speaks louder than words..
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Augmum:
ah....so u haven't figure out yet.
Hi Joule,
I think i should direct my hub to read this thread (too bad, he dont surf Ksp )
For my case......Hub would often asked for my opinions BUT in the end, he would stick to his decisions....
be it issues regarding business or at home.....
Perhaps, men juz feel great to make the final decisions....
Perhaps, it boasts their ego and makes them feel useful n wanted.....
As time goes on, i have learnt not to waste my breath telling him or insisting on my opinions.
( so long his decisions cause no harm/demage to me or the family, juz let him have it).
Actually, not a bad thing to let him make the final decisions......
in the event when things go wrong, I would not be blamed....haha
Regarding criticisms of hubbies in the public.....in my opionion, shd be a No, No....
Giving face to hubbies in the public is as good as giving face to ourselves....
If there is anything.....go back home then thrash them up....
If u are still in the state of anger, best NOT to talk abt the issus for the time being.....
Sometimes, it's good to have a cooling period....(but not too long,ok)
Words said in that anger moment are often hurtful.......which can be more demaging than not to talk....
Alternatively, as someone has mentioned, write her a love letter to express whatever yr thoughts, yr feelings....
instead of talking....
As what u have said, things arent that bad, so not too worry, hope to hear good news fr u soon.....
When hubbies ask for opinion, we are basically seeking reaffirmation of our decisions. Just like wives asking 'am I fat?'....there is only one answer :siam: -
Have you considered getting a book or attending a course/counselling to work on communication? It seems itβs the style of communication thatβs the issue here.
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Augmum:
That's only applicable if wife has good sense of direction. Mine very very bad. My dd1 took over the directions whenever we go shopping. I got lost in big malls easily.Yr quoted example reminds me of once when we were in HK.....
Told him that we were walking the wrong direction back to the hotel.....i rmb the landmark....
BUT.... he insisted that he was right, told us (me and gal) to follow him...
After a while, i stopped, told him, \" if u want, u continue walking i shall sit here and wait for u to come back\"
He stubbornly walked for some distance and then kwai kwai walked back to us.....u see.... :evil:
Even with a GPS I could still get lost and take a long long time to reach destination. So stressful.
Hence I guess that did wonder to hubby's ego because I always rely on him completely whenever we go out. Even if he travelled in circles I wouldn't realise :rotflmao: -
Funz:
This I strongly agreed.Joule:
You know, I am not lying but I speak for many men and sometimes men don't mind a certain amount of ditziness around as long as they make them feel important...once in a while.
I think this is so true. Many friends, guys as well as gals have told me. Be less independant, be a damsel in distress sometimes, lean on your man, act the bimbo once in a while. It really does boost his ego.
Just ε² your way through. Always work like a dream
Hubby feels great while I get my way.
win win
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sleepy:
Mine is exactly the opposite.... I'm always the one who navigates when we're overseas as hubs can't read maps. :stompfeet: I feel stressed out at times, does nothing for my ego, would rather 'switch off' & relax and just follow... :razz:
Hence I guess that did wonder to hubby's ego because I always rely on him completely whenever we go out. Even if he travelled in circles I wouldn't realise :rotflmao: -
If there is something bothering you, talk it over especially if it is something big or important. If it is something inconsequential and just a minor irritation and you decide not to broach the subject, then let it go. And when I say let it go, I mean get over it and donβt even think about it or bring it up ever.
It is never fair to the other party if you decide to not talk about it but yet unable to resolve it yourself, bottle it all up and one fine day explode and heap everything on him/her. That is when small matters become big ugly matters. -
Nebbermind:
Haha....yes, I know....asking juz to seek affirmations....
ah....so u haven't figure out yet.Augmum:
Hi Joule,
I think i should direct my hub to read this thread (too bad, he dont surf Ksp )
For my case......Hub would often asked for my opinions BUT in the end, he would stick to his decisions....
be it issues regarding business or at home.....
Perhaps, men juz feel great to make the final decisions....
Perhaps, it boasts their ego and makes them feel useful n wanted.....
As time goes on, i have learnt not to waste my breath telling him or insisting on my opinions.
( so long his decisions cause no harm/demage to me or the family, juz let him have it).
Actually, not a bad thing to let him make the final decisions......
in the event when things go wrong, I would not be blamed....haha
Regarding criticisms of hubbies in the public.....in my opionion, shd be a No, No....
Giving face to hubbies in the public is as good as giving face to ourselves....
If there is anything.....go back home then thrash them up....
If u are still in the state of anger, best NOT to talk abt the issus for the time being.....
Sometimes, it's good to have a cooling period....(but not too long,ok)
Words said in that anger moment are often hurtful.......which can be more demaging than not to talk....
Alternatively, as someone has mentioned, write her a love letter to express whatever yr thoughts, yr feelings....
instead of talking....
As what u have said, things arent that bad, so not too worry, hope to hear good news fr u soon.....
When hubbies ask for opinion, we are basically seeking reaffirmation of our decisions. Just like wives asking 'am I fat?'....there is only one answer :siam:
That's y, sometimes, I said what he wants to hear rather than what I want to say..... 
Btw, I yet have the chance to ask him ,\" Am I fat?\"
-
sleepy:
I only speak out when if I am pretty confident that I am in the correct direction, usually when we are overseas.....
That's only applicable if wife has good sense of direction. Mine very very bad. My dd1 took over the directions whenever we go shopping. I got lost in big malls easily.Augmum:
Yr quoted example reminds me of once when we were in HK.....
Told him that we were walking the wrong direction back to the hotel.....i rmb the landmark....
BUT.... he insisted that he was right, told us (me and gal) to follow him...
After a while, i stopped, told him, \" if u want, u continue walking i shall sit here and wait for u to come back\"
He stubbornly walked for some distance and then kwai kwai walked back to us.....u see.... :evil:
Even with a GPS I could still get lost and take a long long time to reach destination. So stressful.
Hence I guess that did wonder to hubby's ego because I always rely on him completely whenever we go out. Even if he travelled in circles I wouldn't realise :rotflmao:
But when on SG roads, yes.....i rely on him becos I am poor in reading road maps....often being laughed by him.....
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