don't really know how to talk to wife

[sharonkhoo]

Have you considered getting a book or attending a course/counselling to work on communication? It seems it’s the style of communication that’s the issue here.

[sleepy]

Augmum:

Yr quoted example reminds me of once when we were in HK.....

Told him that we were walking the wrong direction back to the hotel.....i rmb the landmark....
BUT.... he insisted that he was right, told us (me and gal) to follow him...
After a while, i stopped, told him, \" if u want, u continue walking i shall sit here and wait for u to come back\"
He stubbornly walked for some distance and then kwai kwai walked back to us.....u see.... :evil:

That's only applicable if wife has good sense of direction. Mine very very bad. My dd1 took over the directions whenever we go shopping. I got lost in big malls easily.
Even with a GPS I could still get lost and take a long long time to reach destination. So stressful.
Hence I guess that did wonder to hubby's ego because I always rely on him completely whenever we go out. Even if he travelled in circles I wouldn't realise :rotflmao:

[sleepy]

Funz:

Joule:

You know, I am not lying but I speak for many men and sometimes men don't mind a certain amount of ditziness around as long as they make them feel important...once in a while.

I think this is so true. Many friends, guys as well as gals have told me. Be less independant, be a damsel in distress sometimes, lean on your man, act the bimbo once in a while. It really does boost his ego.

This I strongly agreed.
Just 嗲 your way through. Always work like a dream

Hubby feels great while I get my way.
win win

[cmm]

sleepy:

Hence I guess that did wonder to hubby's ego because I always rely on him completely whenever we go out. Even if he travelled in circles I wouldn't realise :rotflmao:

Mine is exactly the opposite.... I'm always the one who navigates when we're overseas as hubs can't read maps. :stompfeet: I feel stressed out at times, does nothing for my ego, would rather 'switch off' & relax and just follow... :razz:

[Funz]

If there is something bothering you, talk it over especially if it is something big or important. If it is something inconsequential and just a minor irritation and you decide not to broach the subject, then let it go. And when I say let it go, I mean get over it and don’t even think about it or bring it up ever.


It is never fair to the other party if you decide to not talk about it but yet unable to resolve it yourself, bottle it all up and one fine day explode and heap everything on him/her. That is when small matters become big ugly matters.

[Augmum]

Nebbermind:

Augmum:

Hi Joule,
I think i should direct my hub to read this thread (too bad, he dont surf Ksp )
For my case......Hub would often asked for my opinions BUT in the end, he would stick to his decisions....
be it issues regarding business or at home.....
Perhaps, men juz feel great to make the final decisions....
Perhaps, it boasts their ego and makes them feel useful n wanted.....
As time goes on, i have learnt not to waste my breath telling him or insisting on my opinions.
( so long his decisions cause no harm/demage to me or the family, juz let him have it).
Actually, not a bad thing to let him make the final decisions......
in the event when things go wrong, I would not be blamed....haha

Regarding criticisms of hubbies in the public.....in my opionion, shd be a No, No....
Giving face to hubbies in the public is as good as giving face to ourselves....
If there is anything.....go back home then thrash them up....

If u are still in the state of anger, best NOT to talk abt the issus for the time being.....
Sometimes, it's good to have a cooling period....(but not too long,ok)
Words said in that anger moment are often hurtful.......which can be more demaging than not to talk....

Alternatively, as someone has mentioned, write her a love letter to express whatever yr thoughts, yr feelings....
instead of talking....

As what u have said, things arent that bad, so not too worry, hope to hear good news fr u soon.....

ah....so u haven't figure out yet.

When hubbies ask for opinion, we are basically seeking reaffirmation of our decisions. Just like wives asking 'am I fat?'....there is only one answer :siam:

Haha....yes, I know....asking juz to seek affirmations....
That's y, sometimes, I said what he wants to hear rather than what I want to say.....

Btw, I yet have the chance to ask him ,\" Am I fat?\"

[Augmum]

sleepy:

Augmum:

Yr quoted example reminds me of once when we were in HK.....

Told him that we were walking the wrong direction back to the hotel.....i rmb the landmark....
BUT.... he insisted that he was right, told us (me and gal) to follow him...
After a while, i stopped, told him, \" if u want, u continue walking i shall sit here and wait for u to come back\"
He stubbornly walked for some distance and then kwai kwai walked back to us.....u see.... :evil:

That's only applicable if wife has good sense of direction. Mine very very bad. My dd1 took over the directions whenever we go shopping. I got lost in big malls easily.
Even with a GPS I could still get lost and take a long long time to reach destination. So stressful.
Hence I guess that did wonder to hubby's ego because I always rely on him completely whenever we go out. Even if he travelled in circles I wouldn't realise :rotflmao:

I only speak out when if I am pretty confident that I am in the correct direction, usually when we are overseas.....

But when on SG roads, yes.....i rely on him becos I am poor in reading road maps....often being laughed by him.....

[missk]

I think spouses should all take turns to act dumb… Play to your strength and if you know you are weak in something, it won’t hurt to maybe let someone else be the smart one? Both of us can drive and navigate but only one will do it. Going the wrong way never hurt anyone in Singapore right? Both of us can do housework but we split the chores such that it does not overlap (less chance of conflict) and don’t criticize unless something really serious comes up ( like the time my hb sterilized unwashed milk bottles and I found out!!)



The only exception should be parenting, where both parents are needed to play an active. Sometimes that is the cause of friction for us but we work on it. Usually it never hurts to listen to the other person’s suggestions but the one who spends more time with child should be the one making more decisions.

[missk]

I think spouses should all take turns to act dumb… Play to your strength and if you know you are weak in something, it won’t hurt to maybe let someone else be the smart one? Both of us can drive and navigate but only one will do it. Going the wrong way never hurt anyone in Singapore right? Both of us can do housework but we split the chores such that it does not overlap (less chance of conflict) and don’t criticize unless something really serious comes up ( like the time my hb sterilized unwashed milk bottles and I found out!!)



The only exception should be parenting, where both parents are needed to play an active. Sometimes that is the cause of friction for us but we work on it. Usually it never hurts to listen to the other person’s suggestions but the one who spends more time with child should be the one making more decisions.

[sunflower]

I think the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman may help. Read it together with your wife and practise the strategies as described in the book.