桃花谈

[insider]

vinegar:

insider,

i understand what u mean....I feel happier as working mum too.Too bad,there is no way i could return to workforce at this moment.

One thing i lost ever since i bcome SAHM is self-respect.DH doesn't respect me as before...take me for granted most of times.So I took ur advices,pamper myself when necessary.

vinegar,

I share with you one of the smses that my second sis sent to me last May when i encouraged her to come out for a coffee with me and she said no followed by:

\"No thanks. I need to cook dinner. To b frank wif u, I wish I never get married, so I could have my own career, freedom and many much more. I was too stupid to quit d job n so naive wanted to be a gd mother. But what to do? It's too late to regret. Thanks anyway.\"

Above is her exact sms.

Her 3 GEP kids are around 22, 20, and 18 this year.

Her life is really so unfulfilling.

I have to go back to my earlier Guiding Principle:

要做不要怨
要怨不要做
如果要做又要怨 will achieve lesser than 干脆不要做.

Dont fall into the vicious cycle.

If now you have to be the SAHM, then be the best that you can be.

不要怨 coz it's your choice, else your 'nails' maybe flying around and all at home will 难过......

Just have a maybe 3-year or 5-years plan, then maybe one day you can come out to breathe again. MUST live this period of time more cheerfully!

Will share the story of my second sis when i free, about why she seems a bit like is the creator of everything but blames the things that she has created herself...

[Joule]

[quote]
Above is her exact sms.

Her 3 GEP kids are around 22, 20, and 18 this year.

Her life is really so unfulfilling.

I have to go back to my earlier Guiding Principle:[/quote]why so bitter. open eyes a bit. Kids so big already, still need to cook dinner for them? I think this person should go ask them go macdonald tar pow once in a while la while she enjoys herself with her husband money

[Lavina]

insider:

Will share the story of my second sis when i free, about why she seems a bit like is the creator of everything but blames the things that she has created herself...

Looking forward to this. Can't understand why she sounds so unhappy...

[concern2]

Joule:

[quote]
Above is her exact sms.

Her 3 GEP kids are around 22, 20, and 18 this year.

Her life is really so unfulfilling.

I have to go back to my earlier Guiding Principle:

why so bitter. open eyes a bit. Kids so big already, still need to cook dinner for them? I think this person should go ask them go macdonald tar pow once in a while la while she enjoys herself with her husband money[/quote]Mummies have a tendency to give, give, give, then everything becomes an obligation instead of a choice, end up feeling trapped. Many lack confidence to return to work after too many years of being 'homebound'. Agree that it is time to let go and move on. Kids so big liao..

[SAHM_TAN]

Hi insider,


Thanks for sharing your ds’ story. Will be on leave during the Mar hols, will take the time to work out my Guiding Principles.

[sleepy]

insider:

I am concerned for ALL women who choose to be SAHM but who do not have any 私房钱. ALL SAHM should have 私房钱 if the husband can afford


Also, Money Bowl Theory has it that if men want to become rich, they should entrust their money to their wives (of course provided the wives are of OK OK intelligence). Men who prefer to keep their own purse string instead of handing it over to their wives may find it more difficult to make money...

My dh gave me full discretion to manage his finance. Just wanna clarify, is it necessary to have the money in my single name to be counted as 私房钱?

Because right now all our active accounts are joint name. His salary is credited into our joint account. I'm the one holding the pin number and password for our joint account.

I managed everything, he never bother to write a single cheque or file his own income tax return ever since we got married. He's quite happy to be hands off, totally clueless on our bank balance and expenditures.

Although I have a personal account but I hardly transfer any money there & my personal account is mostly inactive except for some GIRO payment.

Every month I will transfer a fixed sum to my dh's personal account. He prefers to continue with the bank where he has a personal account because that bank has more ATMs so more convenient for him to withdraw cash.

He doesn't withdraw cash from our joint account although he does charge his debit card purchase to that bank.

So do I still need to have say a FD in my single name to be counted as 私房钱? The more in my name more luck for him?

Thanks so much for your advice

[insider]

sleepy:

He doesn't withdraw cash from our joint account although he does charge his debit card purchase to that bank.

So do I still need to have say a FD in my single name to be counted as 私房钱? The more in my name more luck for him?

Thanks so much for your advice

sleepy,

your husband is good enough lah.

dont need to open specially a separate account under your name coz you hv full access of the money in the joint account (but if your husband is running business, then most if not all money to be parked in your own name is better coz of probable bankruptcy issues).

This 私房钱 is not really for the wife to keep 'secretly' but rather a sign of the husband willing to give his money to be put under the care of his wife...(the 'intent' of 私房钱 = wife has control of the money instead of no control at all).

emmm...can share whether your husband making money 'quite smoothly'? That he may seem to have the kind of feelings like sometimes money like 'just drops from the sky'? Hahaha...just my little 'hunch'...

I request a favour from you sleepy. I would like you to share about your family's background, as in your relationships with your parents and siblings (if there's any) as well as your husband's family background.

Do take your time to write your 'homework' if you are kind enough to share...

TQ!

[insider]

MMM:

They don't want to make death easy for him....


Then there is my step grandma. She was a typical wicked stepmum when she was young. Always ill treat my mother, etc... Now she trust my mum most as my mum has been treating her well despite all that has happened. She has 2 kids (my uncle and auntie). Both are not doing \"well\" and her mental health has been so so. Mum always felt that it's because of my step grandma's \"bad\" deeds in the past that is now affecting her 2 children.

Even to get a 好死 is not a given. This one also have to 修 and 修 then can achieve to have a peaceful and smooth death.

When people suffer from more painful death, their last moments are not peaceful. Therefore, their 'transition' to their next life is not smooth = they will bring more bad seeds than necessary with them when they finally pass on.

好死 people tend to bring with them more pleasant memory. If cannot bring along pleasant memory 'in time' (coz of maybe sudden death), at least not to 放不下 many things in this earthly world... (the love, the hate, the money, etc)

Not say I 'enjoy' knowing how a person dies. I am more into 'collecting statistics' to form some kind of 'conclusions'...


PS1:
I am waiting to see whether my mum will enjoy a 好死. I think she deserves it...

PS2:
I read about 得道高人 can decide on when they want to die and how they want to die...(来去自如 in this 凡尘人间）

PS3:
Oh yea, I also waiting to see how LKY will die. I also hope he will get 好死 coz Mrs LKY like didn't really have a good one. Wonder how come LKY's 师傅 never get him to donate a big chunk of money to society. If he does, then probably his son's 江山 still will have many more years to come...

[sleepy]

insider:

Wonder how come LKY's 师傅 never get him to donate a big chunk of money to society. If he does, then probably his son's 江山 still will have many more years to come...

You forsee his son's 江山 is shaky?
Got tell tale signs is it?

insider:

Even to get a 好死 is not a given. This one also have to 修 and 修 then can achieve to have a peaceful and smooth death.

Yes, I believe in this too.

However, even if a person does a lot of good deeds in this life, there could be some residue kharma from his previous life not completely paid off yet.

My mum's adopted mum was very kind hearted. However she was still bed ridden for a few months before she passed away.

So I think it's possible that a kind person in this life could still drag for a few months until his residue kharma are completely settled.

[flametree]

Hi sleepy,


I think your hubby and mine are the \"near extinct\" type on earth.

My hubby is exactly like yours in terms of financial side.

flametree