桃花谈

[kwk9060]

insider:

PS kwk:

So your daughter has 断掌 and now you may have a pre-conceived ideas of she will be 'strong headed' and 'determined' and probably one of those who refuses to take advice.

If she indeed really turns up this way, then please accept her else will be a lot of clashes.

Yes, even at the tender age of just a few months old, she display the character and behaviour as you mention. She will cry until she gets what she wants, I've tried the let her cry it out method but fail. She know how to roll over at 3mths, knows how to control the baby walker at 5mths, abit of crawling at 6mths when we put her on her stomach, a very stronge will girl.
[quote]While accepting her, you have to model the 柔 part in you for her to learn indirectly (coz you can never teach 柔 directly coz it's an 'abstract' skill).[/quote]Thanks for the advise, will keep it in mind.
[quote]You cant really change a child's character by hitting or scolding her.

While after hitting and scolding, a parent may feel 'improvement' in child's character and behaviour, those are usually illusions only coz most children would be intelligent enough to suppress their certain traits to avoid punishments, meaning they are still who they are, just that you can't see the 'real' person in them anymore.[/quote]I have observe this in my 2 boys, after canning, they will improve but they will repeat the same mischief again the next day. DS1 being the older one has the intelligent to avoid punishment by not doing it but he will ask DS2 to do it and watch as DS2 received his punishments. It was after some observation that I discover DS1's 'motive' and I told him that he will received the same punishment as DS2 if he instigates the act.
[quote]So let's say for example your daughter really turned up to be stubborn and she changed on surface coz if she doesn't change, she may 'get it' from you. So, you think that she has changed.

But deep inside her, she doesn't change. She suppresses.

When she grows up, the True Self will start to surface / explode. And the real ones who will kena all these blunts likely will be her husband and kids; thereby making the 'prophecy' true for a 断掌 woman.[/quote]I saw real case scenario, one of my cousin since young very obedient, she will always be reading or doing her homework when the other children are playing. Than one fine day she change totally, rebel her mother, play truant..... the mother was heartbreaken.

[Imami]

insider:

Any child borne to any particular set of parents comes with a purpose - 讨债 or 还债

yesterday I spent quite a long time talking to my mil yday and the session ended with me 感触良多. I Haven't figured out why these kept running in my mind.

My sil (husband's sis) - since her first kid, who is now 6, she has miscarriaged for the three time. The third time took place recently when she was already moving towards the end of her second trimester. She had been hoping for a girl and this one was a girl (the earlier two were miscarriaged much earlier, didnt know their gender yet). Why like that? Want to come but half way thru, \"go back Liao\"? It's so hurting.

Mil's neighbour - she is a friendly and smiley lady. The husband and her were not high income earners and life was hard because they had three kids. Now that the kids are in their early thirties and twenties, life was not any better. The husband was down with stroke. Wife still continue working as a school cleaner despite not very mobile. Not sure why, she is limping. Mil said neighbor just had a hip operation. But I couldn't help thinking her condition seem something more. Her two elder kids do not earn much and do not bring back any money. But this aunty was very nice to us always. Every year, she would give my son a fat ang bao, despite her financial situation. Just cny eve, I saw her popped over mil's to give mil some veg she bought from Mkt. Seriously, given her financial status, I think she very generous.

Mil-for some strange reasons, she kept saying to save money so that if she end up with stroke, can self fund and send herself to nursing home. I was like :slapshead: come on la, u got three kids, why u sound even more pathetic than me?!

[Imami]

This weekend, I went 扫墓 with my family. Insider suggested I go and see my grandmother, remember?


My husband's ancestors were also housed at the same place actually (but different blocks). I had been 扫墓 with my in laws and now, with my family. I see a difference in both family. Not sure if it's becos the children in my family are older (my parents are older too, so naturally their children are older than my in laws). My sil (bro's wife) and brothers all know the way to the niches and the sons carried all the stuff. My parents just tagged along and the sil following my mum closely.

They all know what to do and how to do. I was the only newbie. My mum had the time and mood to chit chat and joked hahahha. The thing that came to my mind was 苦尽甘来. 亲爱的妈妈，您辛苦了大半辈子，现在可以跷脚 了。

I recalled how my in laws did theirs. By right 我是长媳，I shd help in all these. But because the sons of the family were also not very active in such family events, it has never occurred to me to do something. Besides, I need to mind my son, so usually only my husband and his brother went along.

There was one year I went along. Compared to my side, the children (my husband included) were very like children. My in laws would set up the stuff, find the way, burn the joss papers etc (for my side, the children do it. My mum just happily chit chatting by our side and my father stayed at the niches to jaga the food stuff). 感觉上，my in law's children seem \"still like children\" whereas my parents's children (except for me la) seem so grown up. We could almost auto pilot the whole thing (except that they need to tell me what I shd do). My parents just 友情客串。

No wonder I keep sensing my mil's 心事重重 :sad:

[Dekora]

Unbelievable heh I finished reading the thread in 2 days. It must be 缘分 because I hardly come into recess time and I'm also troubled over my work and family life. Reading all posts had me started to reflect on my life- especially my relationships with my loved ones. I am those that keep nagging over and over why I am the one doing and not others even at home or work. After reading, it really jolts me. No wonder I feel so negative and negatively spreads. So, in my own baby steps, I would like to change my mindset and bring happiness to myself and of course sow good seeds in the people or activate their good seeds

Thank u all for your contributions in this thread. I hope it will benefit more as well.

[Dekora]

May I add, I think I’m one with lots of 无明- so lots of 道 raised I still not very 懂。so I set myself my own homework-

1. No negative thoughts or words towards my ils
2. Sincerely spending time with my parents
3. No snide remarks towards hubby and daughter

Hopefully I can accomplish

[Sun_2010]

insider:

My mum somehow understood the 'theory' by herself, that if she still wants the son, she has to accept him as who he is until he is willing to change by himself...

Insider,
I have been reading this thread and have benefitted from it. The sharing by others forummers and your replies have also helped me understand life better. I also discussed with DH your seedling theory, err what I understood of it. Plan to reread it to help apply some changes ...
:thankyou:

One request if it is not too much. Is it possible to use the translation or near meaning of the chinese phrases used? I think many of them may not have equivalent english phrase but something like it will still be helpful.

[Imami]

Dekora:

Unbelievable heh I finished reading the thread in 2 days. It must be 缘分 because I hardly come into recess time and I'm also troubled over my work and family life. Reading all posts had me started to reflect on my life- especially my relationships with my loved ones. I am those that keep nagging over and over why I am the one doing and not others even at home or work. After reading, it really jolts me. No wonder I feel so negative and negatively spreads. So, in my own baby steps, I would like to change my mindset and bring happiness to myself and of course sow good seeds in the people or activate their good seeds

Thank u all for your contributions in this thread. I hope it will benefit more as well.

Hi Dekora, long time no see.

Things will improve bit by bit, day by day. The impt thing is you Want to change.

Very often, we only see things from our own perspective. Recently someone said she doesn't spend a lot (of the husband's money) and was implying that she is a thrifty wife. She cited her most recent buy was a $30+ top. But guess what, she Recently bought some health supplement and a branded wallet. That branded wallet would hv funded at least another 20-30 tops. My point of bringing this up is not to put her down or to dispute anything. Rather, I am trying to highlight how we could have missed out something in life or taken things for granted.

Try and be open minded about it and see things from another perspective. My husband doesn't do any housework at all. Even when there is no more water in the jug, he would wait for me to boil a fresh pot of water. But he has given me financial and emotional security that I think not many men could offer. With him, I know I can anytime tender my resignation without worry. So it's all about give and take.

And while he doesn't lift a finger at home, he would dutifully do as I told (if I need him to buy dinner for my son or get some errands done).
:hugs: come here and :rant: if u need.

[ngl2010]

I have been having thoughts about branded goods for sometimes. My mom refused to buy branded goods although she can well afford them. She said she feels guilty as this money can be donated to help other people (she did donate to individuals and charities).


So, is buying branded goods wrong?

[ChiefKiasu]

ngl2010:

I have been having thoughts about branded goods for sometimes. My mom refused to buy branded goods although she can well afford them. She said she feels guilty as this money can be donated to help other people (she did donate to individuals and charities).


So, is buying branded goods wrong?

There's nothing wrong with being frugal. In many cultures, especially like ours, it is a virtue. But there are many reasons for buying \"branded\" goods too. While they do carry an air of elitism and act as status symbols, branded goods usually carry with them high quality, durability and performance which are valued by those that can afford them. So to say that buying branded goods is a sin is also an oversimplification of the issue at hand.

[sparks]

ngl2010:

I have been having thoughts about branded goods for sometimes. My mom refused to buy branded goods although she can well afford them. She said she feels guilty as this money can be donated to help other people (she did donate to individuals and charities).


So, is buying branded goods wrong?

I see no wrong in buying something you appreciate, branded or not.

But personally, I think it is superficial if a person buy stuff to 'look' higher status than others. I feel that they've become lost in the rat race. I know some who drive expensive cars that they can barely afford. Upgrade is easy. But downgrade is deemed as 'lose face'. They will try to keep up with appearances for as long as possible.

I am sure you'd be proud of your mom's humility & nobility.