桃花谈
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insider:
I dun know about my parents......but I have already stated clearly to my hubby, if it is a 'gone case' situation, dun sustain, just let me go.Happyducks,
Now I cant write long and will KIV your question. Hope others can chip in here about their thoughts.
Joule and Imami
Maybe we can touch a bit about Death here.
My question to all is:
Have you ever asked your parent/s whether they wanna be 'rescued' at all cost in times of their life emergencies or they don't mind to go without massive rescue efforts or have your parent/s given you their 'permission' to 'go' (by perhaps removing all their life supporting machines) if situation is a 'gone case' at that point in time?
If they have not 'signaled' so, then what's your take in such situation, as in 'to save or not to save'?
This is my latest question from one of my close friends whom mum is in critical condition and the doc is asking her for 'direction'...
In fact, today we went qingming......hubby was suggesting booking a 'place' near his dad's so that easier for our kids next time. I told him I actually dun need any, but can my ashes be released at sea or somewhere? MIL looked at me :scared: I must have scared her
:rotflmao:
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insider:
This brings back what I had gone through with my mom.Happyducks,
Now I cant write long and will KIV your question. Hope others can chip in here about their thoughts.
Joule and Imami
Maybe we can touch a bit about Death here.
My question to all is:
Have you ever asked your parent/s whether they wanna be 'rescued' at all cost in times of their life emergencies or they don't mind to go without massive rescue efforts or have your parent/s given you their 'permission' to 'go' (by perhaps removing all their life supporting machines) if situation is a 'gone case' at that point in time?
If they have not 'signaled' so, then what's your take in such situation, as in 'to save or not to save'?
This is my latest question from one of my close friends whom mum is in critical condition and the doc is asking her for 'direction'...
She had cancer, and throughout that period, I tried so hard to sustain her, through every way that I knew. She wasn't ready to go and we were all not ready to let her go too.
I was very close to my mom. Maybe because I tried so hard to help her, I was kind of \"connected\" to her in some ways. Certain dreams, certain experiences, kind of left me bewildered at times. For instance, there was one night that I woke up from sleep, and had such a terrible backache - probably the type that she was experiencing on some nights. It only went away after I prayed. Asked her the next day how was her sleep the night before, she replied that she was woken up by a bad backache. I kept mum about what happened to me the night before, not wanting to cause her more worry.
One day before she passed away, I was in a very bad state, emotionally. I can't describe what feeling that was. It was like depression, anxiety, panic and the feeling of being oppressed all thrown in together.. I felt terrible. A chanting CD that was supposed to bring peace just made me feel the opposite. Called a friend and she brought me to a temple. I finally prayed silently that if her wish was to go, then she may go..I did know that towards the end, she had been saying that she couldn't take it anymore. However, in my heart, I really wanted her to see my DD grow up a bit more (DD was just 2 months old). She is my mom's only grand-daughter.
Maybe it was the prayer, or maybe it was just coincidental, my mom passed away the next day. Although it was still a bit sudden, I was at peace when she finally passed on. In a way, my prayer for her was for her wish to be granted. I thought that this must have been her wish. -
insider:
I hv not asked my parents about this. And I hope I would not be put into this position. As humans, our lives will end one day. But pls don't put me in a position where I need to choose-to sustain or not, my parent's lives. I think it is very cruel on me. In real life situation, I don't get the final say although I can influence. I hv two elder bros and what they say carry a lot of weight, ESP eldest bro (since he is the eldest, most educated and the one with the most $$$ reserves).
My question to all is:
Have you ever asked your parent/s whether they wanna be 'rescued' at all cost in times of their life emergencies or they don't mind to go without massive rescue efforts or have your parent/s given you their 'permission' to 'go' (by perhaps removing all their life supporting machines) if situation is a 'gone case' at that point in time?
If they have not 'signaled' so, then what's your take in such situation, as in 'to save or not to save'?
This is my latest question from one of my close friends whom mum is in critical condition and the doc is asking her for 'direction'...
My respond will be solely on what i think and feel, not considering my brothers' thinking. My actions/ decisions will largely depend on the wishes of the one In discussion - he/she wants to live on or not? If he/she wants, I think I will tend to 尽力, depleting my means, To sustain a loved one's life.
If one doesn't want to be sustained, I would take into one's wishes. However, I would still hang on (to sustain) for as long as I could financially and emotionally. Because it is not just for this person whom I am trying to sustain, but also for myself - whether I am ready to let go.
for a not very balanced and yet very emo person, I find it hard to draw a line between 尽力 and 尽命, and 真孝 and 愚孝 . I need to think very hard and very long. :sad:
If we are talking about another person (who needs to consider to sustain or not), I think the intention of pulling the plug is very important. Is it truly because it is really for one's own good (don't wish to see one suffer anymore) or other selfish reasons. -
See, this time already I am still up. Insider’s qn Put me in tears. The tap just kept flowing, no stop. Tomorrow sure wake up with goldfish eyes.
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If it’s for myself, I will wish to just go cos I will not want to make my family suffer with me.
For my parents, I imagine that they will go peacefully when the time is up. I do not wish to be the one to make the decision for them. Cos if such decision needs to be made, I’ll be the one who have the final say cos I’m the eldest. But I wont be able to make a decision cos my heart will want to sustain but my mind will to let them go. I’ll definitely be in a dilemma. -
My friend’s mum, aged 86, admitted to hospital due to heart attack.
Mum’s heart stopped beating.
Then the whole team of medical staff went into massive rescue efforts, including electrical shocks to revive her.
She came around and now bed ridden, still in the hospital.
The doc asked my friend, if her mum’s heart were to stop beating again, does she want them to repeat the whole reviving process again.
Doc’s advised her to perhaps consider just let mum go.
Friend was confused. She has a few other siblings and the rest said to her she decides (since she is the one taking care of her mum all these years).
Friend is very close to her mum. She expressed her 不舍得 if she were to tell the doc that ‘let her go if similar case happens’. She feels guilt ridden if she were to do that. She is hoping that the mum can live for another few years.
So, she asked me.
I told her actually she already knows the answer and by asking me is just to seek a reconfirmation…
See, this maybe the situation one may get into if one doesn’t have the ‘instruction’ from his/her parent/s for this kind critical moment…
PS:
Becontented,
I am going to take a look at the place where I am going to book for my 长眠之处 soon around town. My friend told me that temple is up the hill with nice scenery and the booking fee is around $3888.
I used to think about scattering my ashes into sea but my daughter said she wants the ash so that she and her her kiddos can visit and so I ‘gave in’ to her to have my ash ‘stored’… (doesnt really matter to me whether scattered or stored actually but since daughter wants, then she has it her way).
Guess there’s a purpose in storing, so that my daughter can use her parents for 清明 ‘education’ for her kiddos…
Busymom
It is sort of true that if one cannot let go and praying that the suffering one will stay longer, the latter may continue to linger on and on. Like what I always say, always check your 念, as it can be powerful enough but the outcome may not be what one really wants.
Imami
My daughter also very close to me and she used to tear whenever I discuss with her about my death. But now she is stronger and she knows exactly what to do in times of ‘emergency’. I told her cannot let her emotions ride over my instructions.
The only instruction I gave to my sons is "always listen to Jie Jie if everyone cannot decide on anything. Let Jie Jie decide." -
I just want to share...to avoid all these issues when one becomes in critical conditions....where family is put in a dilemma whether to pull the plug or not....
Please take a look at this option....
Advance Medical Directive
http://www.moh.gov.sg/content/moh_web/home/policies-and-issues/advance_medical_directiveamd.html
An Advance Medical Directive (AMD) is a legal document you sign in advance to inform your doctor that you do not want the use of any life-sustaining treatment to be used to prolong your life in the event you become terminally ill and unconscious and where death is imminent.
The AMD can be made by any person, aged 21 years and above, and is not mentally disordered. The AMD form is a legal document which must be completed and signed in the presence of two witnesses before it is returned to the Registrar of AMDs. The patient's doctor must be one of the two witnesses, while the other witness must be at least 21 years old. In addition, both witnesses must not have any vested interests in the patient's death.
I have endorsed my signatory in this document -together with a family doctor ....I was charged
less than SGD30 last year.
I have also informed my children about me signing this AMD....so they know what to do when I am found to be in Critical Condition...
Have a great weekend.... :xedfingers: -
makes me think if our lives are truly our own… with our children and family.
just a thought. have a great weekend KPs! -
dolphinsiah:
I wonder if someone with an AMD but falls into that 'heart stop' moment like my friend's mum, would the doc classifies it as 'can let go' or do they still have the obligations to revive?
An Advance Medical Directive (AMD) is a legal document you sign in advance to inform your doctor that you do not want the use of any life-sustaining treatment to be used to prolong your life in the event you become terminally ill and unconscious and where death is imminent.
Think AMD is as good as dead with no chance of reviving and if as long as there's chance, the doc will still do their best to save...
People like in our generation are 'easier'. We can sign AMD and give 'instructions'.
it's the older generation that is tougher to open up such subject. I can't imagine asking my mum to go to doc there to sign an AMD... -
For me I will tell my family to let me go.
For my parents, I will do the same.
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