桃花谈

[Imami]

insider:

My question to all is:

Have you ever asked your parent/s whether they wanna be 'rescued' at all cost in times of their life emergencies or they don't mind to go without massive rescue efforts or have your parent/s given you their 'permission' to 'go' (by perhaps removing all their life supporting machines) if situation is a 'gone case' at that point in time?

If they have not 'signaled' so, then what's your take in such situation, as in 'to save or not to save'?

This is my latest question from one of my close friends whom mum is in critical condition and the doc is asking her for 'direction'...

I hv not asked my parents about this. And I hope I would not be put into this position. As humans, our lives will end one day. But pls don't put me in a position where I need to choose-to sustain or not, my parent's lives. I think it is very cruel on me. In real life situation, I don't get the final say although I can influence. I hv two elder bros and what they say carry a lot of weight, ESP eldest bro (since he is the eldest, most educated and the one with the most $$$ reserves).

My respond will be solely on what i think and feel, not considering my brothers' thinking. My actions/ decisions will largely depend on the wishes of the one In discussion - he/she wants to live on or not? If he/she wants, I think I will tend to 尽力, depleting my means, To sustain a loved one's life.

If one doesn't want to be sustained, I would take into one's wishes. However, I would still hang on (to sustain) for as long as I could financially and emotionally. Because it is not just for this person whom I am trying to sustain, but also for myself - whether I am ready to let go.

for a not very balanced and yet very emo person, I find it hard to draw a line between 尽力 and 尽命, and 真孝 and 愚孝 . I need to think very hard and very long. :sad:

If we are talking about another person (who needs to consider to sustain or not), I think the intention of pulling the plug is very important. Is it truly because it is really for one's own good (don't wish to see one suffer anymore) or other selfish reasons.

[Imami]

See, this time already I am still up. Insider’s qn Put me in tears. The tap just kept flowing, no stop. Tomorrow sure wake up with goldfish eyes.

[Giggler1]

If it’s for myself, I will wish to just go cos I will not want to make my family suffer with me.


For my parents, I imagine that they will go peacefully when the time is up. I do not wish to be the one to make the decision for them. Cos if such decision needs to be made, I’ll be the one who have the final say cos I’m the eldest. But I wont be able to make a decision cos my heart will want to sustain but my mind will to let them go. I’ll definitely be in a dilemma.

[insider]

My friend’s mum, aged 86, admitted to hospital due to heart attack.


Mum’s heart stopped beating.

Then the whole team of medical staff went into massive rescue efforts, including electrical shocks to revive her.

She came around and now bed ridden, still in the hospital.

The doc asked my friend, if her mum’s heart were to stop beating again, does she want them to repeat the whole reviving process again.

Doc’s advised her to perhaps consider just let mum go.

Friend was confused. She has a few other siblings and the rest said to her she decides (since she is the one taking care of her mum all these years).

Friend is very close to her mum. She expressed her 不舍得 if she were to tell the doc that ‘let her go if similar case happens’. She feels guilt ridden if she were to do that. She is hoping that the mum can live for another few years.

So, she asked me.

I told her actually she already knows the answer and by asking me is just to seek a reconfirmation…

See, this maybe the situation one may get into if one doesn’t have the ‘instruction’ from his/her parent/s for this kind critical moment…

PS:

Becontented,

I am going to take a look at the place where I am going to book for my 长眠之处 soon around town. My friend told me that temple is up the hill with nice scenery and the booking fee is around $3888.

I used to think about scattering my ashes into sea but my daughter said she wants the ash so that she and her her kiddos can visit and so I ‘gave in’ to her to have my ash ‘stored’… (doesnt really matter to me whether scattered or stored actually but since daughter wants, then she has it her way).

Guess there’s a purpose in storing, so that my daughter can use her parents for 清明 ‘education’ for her kiddos…


Busymom

It is sort of true that if one cannot let go and praying that the suffering one will stay longer, the latter may continue to linger on and on. Like what I always say, always check your 念, as it can be powerful enough but the outcome may not be what one really wants.



Imami

My daughter also very close to me and she used to tear whenever I discuss with her about my death. But now she is stronger and she knows exactly what to do in times of ‘emergency’. I told her cannot let her emotions ride over my instructions.

The only instruction I gave to my sons is "always listen to Jie Jie if everyone cannot decide on anything. Let Jie Jie decide."

[dolphinsiah]

I just want to share...to avoid all these issues when one becomes in critical conditions....where family is put in a dilemma whether to pull the plug or not....


Please take a look at this option....

Advance Medical Directive

http://www.moh.gov.sg/content/moh_web/home/policies-and-issues/advance_medical_directiveamd.html

An Advance Medical Directive (AMD) is a legal document you sign in advance to inform your doctor that you do not want the use of any life-sustaining treatment to be used to prolong your life in the event you become terminally ill and unconscious and where death is imminent.



The AMD can be made by any person, aged 21 years and above, and is not mentally disordered. The AMD form is a legal document which must be completed and signed in the presence of two witnesses before it is returned to the Registrar of AMDs. The patient's doctor must be one of the two witnesses, while the other witness must be at least 21 years old. In addition, both witnesses must not have any vested interests in the patient's death.


I have endorsed my signatory in this document -together with a family doctor ....I was charged
less than SGD30 last year.

I have also informed my children about me signing this AMD....so they know what to do when I am found to be in Critical Condition...

Have a great weekend.... :xedfingers:

[imwithchild]

makes me think if our lives are truly our own… with our children and family.


just a thought. have a great weekend KPs!

[insider]

dolphinsiah:

An Advance Medical Directive (AMD) is a legal document you sign in advance to inform your doctor that you do not want the use of any life-sustaining treatment to be used to prolong your life in the event you become terminally ill and unconscious and where death is imminent.

I wonder if someone with an AMD but falls into that 'heart stop' moment like my friend's mum, would the doc classifies it as 'can let go' or do they still have the obligations to revive?

Think AMD is as good as dead with no chance of reviving and if as long as there's chance, the doc will still do their best to save...

People like in our generation are 'easier'. We can sign AMD and give 'instructions'.

it's the older generation that is tougher to open up such subject. I can't imagine asking my mum to go to doc there to sign an AMD...

[SAHM_TAN]

For me I will tell my family to let me go.


For my parents, I will do the same.

[Joule]

yes… noted.


parents are still in good health and have good faith and religion. They had talk to me briefly about this before

I believe they know where they would be going and they are not afraid. They also expressed they will miss their grandchild if this happens

[Imami]

Giggler1:

If it's for myself, I will wish to just go cos I will not want to make my family suffer with me.


For my parents, I imagine that they will go peacefully when the time is up. I do not wish to be the one to make the decision for them. Cos if such decision needs to be made, I'll be the one who have the final say cos I'm the eldest. But I wont be able to make a decision cos my heart will want to sustain but my mind will to let them go. I'll definitely be in a dilemma.

I don't want to make the decision and I am not in the position to make the decision BUT if someone must make the decision, I may volunteer myself to do it. So that my siblings will be spared from the agony and the aftermath effects.

There was once when i had the chance to save someone's life. But I was too chickened to do anything except saving mine. While she pulled through unscathed and never blamed me a teeny bit, I was filled with guilt and shame. To this day, after more than 25 years, I am still carrying the guilt. I do not want my brothers to carry the guilt for the rest of their lives, for pulling the plug.