In-law problems?

[buds]

Oh gosh. :!:


You mean your current husband is the centre
of the problem between your new PILs?

[Andaiz]

rains, thanks for the clarification...but like buds, I'm more confused than ever :? .


If what buds and I think are true- that your posts are about your current DH, it's still not too late, my dear...in a few days, it'd be a brand new year...and hopefully for all of us long-suffering DIL's, it'd be a BRAND NEW START :celebrate: to relating with the IL's.

[angegiam]

wow I thought this tread is dead. Anyway ladies don't dwell on it too much as I have said previously life is too short for such agony. Your happiness is in your own hands. Don't let these people upset you

angegiam:

I think as long as IL dun like you, no matter how hard you try or whatever you do, nothing will come out of it. So instead of being so upset and trying so hard, might as well go enjoy yourself. Why torture yourself over it? Life is too short for such agony. :lol:

I have known my hubby for 10 yrs. Dated for 5 yrs married for 5yrs. I was young then hence am sure my directness

[waynemum]

In-laws probems are common everywhere i think that's because they are not our own parents.


We are more forgiving and up to the exent of Forgive and REALLY forget to our own parents and siblings.

Are we able to do the same to our in law family? Very sad, the answer will be \"NO\" to majority maybe but i belong to the majority.

I will not forget for any wrong my MIL or SIL done. Although at times i tried to forgive but whenver i think of the wrong they did, i just can't forgive them though i am not an angel too!

Honestly, i don't really detest my MIL and SIL but i can say that most of the time the situation or relationship get worse is indirectly caused by \"poor management\" of spouse.

My MIL is the main caregiver for my DS as i only enrol him for school for 2.5hr daily and she cook dinner for me and DH but i have not greeted her \" Mother\" and my FIL as \" Father\" .

Although i don't get along with my in law family, luckily is they really dote on my DS and they love him as an individual and don't really care who is his mother!

I tried to improve our relationship but after so many years, it's still the same. I am on cold war with my MIL for nearly a month and the \"battle\" will be on as i can't put down that pride yet to give in.

Let's see who will win the \"Battle\"!!!!

[Andaiz]

waynemom, hope the cold war is going to see an end too.


DS is probably watching this all and imbibing the same. My DDs often ask me: when I grow up, will you look after my kids while I work?

My answer's YES, but would you like also for your husband's mom to do the same?

DD1 replied once and that :!: me: No, coz his mother's not my kid's mahmah...I can talk to you like a friend. DOn't think I can talk to his mom like that loh! :oops:

[Andaiz]

This may be off topic but I don't know where else to post this. Mods, please split thread if deemed fit


Just yesterday, DD1 recounted this incident to my mum (who looks after them in the day) about how MIL brought my kids out to a park once and lost DD3 without even realizing it (DD1 had to tell her). After what seemed like a great length of time when three of them (DD1, DD2 and MIL) called out her name etc...they still couldn't find her...and then MIL asked DD1 what should they do now...to which DD1 pointed to the Information Counter and asked her to report loss of DD3 so that they can announce her (DD1 then went on to describe what DD3 was wearing at that time). It was only as they neared the Counter that she (DD1) spotted DD3 playing by herself at the bench nearby.

I really don't know what transpired between the time they realized that she was lost till when she was found. MIL did not tell me about this incident; and DD2 actually mentioned it to me in the passing once but not with such vivid descripton.

It's not the first time that the kids got left behind (sometimes in lifts; which is why I now teach my kids which buttons to press in the event they get stuck inside :stupid: :stupid: )

We've also told DH of these incidents; and need to have IL's look after my children this weekend coz we have a wedding dinner to attend. No other baby-sitting alternatives, unfortunately. What should we tell them? Not to go out? Sure kenna black face lah!

[buds]

angegiam:

wow I thought this tread is dead. Anyway ladies don't dwell on it too much as I have said previously life is too short for such agony. Your happiness is in your own hands. Don't let these people upset you

Dun think this thread can ever die. :rotflmao:

Life IS too short for such agony.
Easier said than done, that happiness is in
our own hands... cos living the life with MIL every
single day is an entirely different thing altogether.
Hence, for the above said phrase \"Don't let these
people upset you...\" is subjective to one's situation
and living conditions. Though we try to find that thing
called happiness it may not be an easy road to travel.
Support is also very important. Who else if not from
our own spouses. Like i have mentioned in another
thread before... One man's meat is another man's
poison... And one man's mother is another woman's
Mother In Law. :lol:

angegiam:

I have known my hubby for 10 yrs. Dated for 5 yrs married for 5yrs. I was young then hence am sure my directness

I married young too. And known hubs from school days in fact.
Direct and an independent woman as i was and still am, there
is still the need for respect regardless of the fact whether we
are liked by ILs or not.

Especially when we have children of our own observing our every
ways.. so for me, since i would be damned if i say something, and
likewise still damned even if i don't say anything ( ie. it's rude to
ignore... :roll: )..... imagine how i hafta work my way around.......
every single day of my married life having to accommodate elders
like my ILs. :faint:

Hubs is very respectful to my parents and family members and so
i would try ( my damnest best ) to respect his family as well. People
say respect is earned. So observing my conduct around his family
members does involve some respect, whether i like them or not...
Maintain cordiality as much as possible lor.

And most times i just concentrate on being with my children and
doing my own stuff when i'm at home. As for this thread's existence
it comes as a blessing cos on those off days where i need to rant....
:rant: i know i can come here and i'm not alone. Now, this support i
don't wanna lose. :celebrate:

[winth]

Andaiz:

This may be off topic but I don't know where else to post this. Mods, please split thread if deemed fit


Just yesterday, DD1 recounted this incident to my mum (who looks after them in the day) about how MIL brought my kids out to a park once and lost DD3 without even realizing it (DD1 had to tell her). After what seemed like a great length of time when three of them (DD1, DD2 and MIL) called out her name etc...they still couldn't find her...and then MIL asked DD1 what should they do now...to which DD1 pointed to the Information Counter and asked her to report loss of DD3 so that they can announce her (DD1 then went on to describe what DD3 was wearing at that time). It was only as they neared the Counter that she (DD1) spotted DD3 playing by herself at the bench nearby.

I really don't know what transpired between the time they realized that she was lost till when she was found. MIL did not tell me about this incident; and DD2 actually mentioned it to me in the passing once but not with such vivid descripton.

It's not the first time that the kids got left behind (sometimes in lifts; which is why I now teach my kids which buttons to press in the event they get stuck inside :stupid: :stupid: )

We've also told DH of these incidents; and need to have IL's look after my children this weekend coz we have a wedding dinner to attend. No other baby-sitting alternatives, unfortunately. What should we tell them? Not to go out? Sure kenna black face lah!

That's not really new to me too.
We were usually left behind - DS1 and me when I was still new to the family. Once, we went to Chinatown for the CNY shopping. DH was always stuck with his family members' conversations and they would walk real quick. Me, pushing the pram with no one to help (or they just pretend that they are not looking cos they just walk past me like a stranger). Only when DH looked back and searched high and low for me, ya... then the group of 'actors' will come offer their assistance to get the pram out of the alley.

DS could just go with MIL to queue up for some dessert and come back with scratches/bumps on his head. We witnessed the whole incident and it's really like, she only takes care of herself and bag. Toddler just trodded behind her and if any 'eye-less' auntie were to crash into him, that's it. She would also offer to hold my boy's hand while crossing road, and while walking, she just takes care of her path, not my toddler's, so my toddler had to look out for himself. As a result, he would bump into walls, knock into the car bodies and scrap his head past car side mirrors. :roll:

Unfortunately, I don't think you should 'instruct' your PILs, you'll get more gossips. If I had really no choice but to leave them with my MIL, I can only leave my baby's fate on her hands and pray for the best.

[Andaiz]

winth:

... I can only leave my baby's fate on her hands and pray for the best.

:goodpost: winth and my sentiments exactly. The One above has done an exceedingly wonderful job with the DD's lives in her hands so far.

Yep, can only

I sometimes call up on the pre-text of talking to children but also kenna black face! :!:

[buds]

winth:

If I had really no choice but to leave them with my MIL, I can only leave my baby's fate on her hands and pray for the best.

:!:

:faint:

Mine, i can only that she doesn't bad-mouth me
to my children. :roll: Cos the stuff she tells the girls of
course most times, come back to me. :roll: Somehow,
i suppose she doesn't know that when she does that
she is showing too much of herself and losing respect
from the kiddies. I just tell the girls, it's ok. I'm ok. I'm
just happy they know me (their mummy) well enough..
.. to be able to understand and differentiate that i am
not whatever she is feeding their little minds with. :faint:

And that it is never true that i do not love them as much
as she does... Or that i love one DD more than thee other.