Failing relationship with Son
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Write your son a letter. This will help you and your son to see things from other perspectives.
Give some time and space to yourself and your child.
Take care and this episode will blow over soon. -
I am sorry to know about your falling relationship with your son. If I am not wrong, your boy did well in P5 & he is in the top class this year. Could it be too much stress given by the school & yourself? Try to talk to him to find out his concern. Counseling might help to a certain extend. Try to sort it out as soon as possible so that he could focus on his PSLE.
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sweetbaby:
I think the challenge comes in \"getting your child to see\" and \"getting your child to open up\".
:hugs: Your DS is lucky to have a mom who cares so much and never gives up on him. Have you tried the school counsellor and AED LBS? Hopefully your boy sees that everyone are on his side and open up to talk about why he is acting out.
At the same time, similar thoughts would have gone through the child's mind hoping that or expecting that the adults can \"see from his point of view\" and \"get the adult to open up and accept the behaviour of the child, without being judgemental.\"
It's not easy and it takes time and it takes both hands to clap.
Plus, it takes both side to \"see each others' perception\" and \"to open up to new and more effective way of communication.\"
I'm not going to say what your child did is right or wrong. I want to further explore, at a deeper level, the thoughts that have led to these behaviour.
\"We think and so we act out this way.\"
And most likely, the emotional tank which only parents can feel is depleting and the current behaviour may be one of the ways to substitute what is being lost or not being gained.
Personally, I always recommend this book \"The 5 Love Languages of Children\" to my parents...it's really interesting and it explains what kind of emotional support children need.
You can read it at the amazon home page. Here is the direct link to amazon website.
http://www.amazon.com/5-Love-Languages-Children/dp/0802403476
I found this great 2 pages summary online.
http://crcpeninsula.org/Five_Love_Languages_of_Children.pdf
Or you can borrow from the library.
http://catalogue.nlb.gov.sg/cgi-bin/cw_cgi?fullRecord+17974+3002+14289536+1+0
My 2 cents,
John -
mummy OnABudget:
I have a few thoughts - do you know anything about his best friend? Must understand the partner in crime, and who is the motivator, your son,or the friend. Or some kids when they get together, they just egg each other on. You may need to distance his friend by introducing more positive influences, or co-opt the friend by inviting him home. Find out more.
The ongoing issue of not wanting to do homework fighting in school going gallivanting with his best friend has made me reach my peak of anger till i burst out shouting then crying then asking him what more u expect from mummy have done so much for u with all your teachers we are trying to help u and yet u are not even helping yourself what u want us to do.
His teacher and me have setup a way to stop the gallivanting is when he reaches school he has to call me within 30mins from the time he leaves home and he has to call the teacher with the home phone when he leaves school and after every home work is done he has to report to her.
And yet he still thinks he can get away with things am sending him for another behavioural assement i have even told him u are making me feel like jumping down the block and just dont care anymore.
:?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:
Are they clever boys feeling aimless and sick of school? Or stressed out boys feeling sick of school? Feel aimless - introduce new hobbies, activities. Stressed out - find ways to relieve stress. Take concrete measures. Words don't help.
Do they know what they want after PSLE? Do they have good relationship with the teachers? Or have they already been labelled and condemned by family and school?
If they don't know what they want, time to sit down and ask them t think about future careers. Do not tell them - if you do badly you end up in some low- wage jobs. They already know that. Give them a beautiful vision to work towards.
Teachers? At p6 you have to face them day in day out. It has to be at least bearable.
Labels? If they have already been condemned, there is nothing to lose even if they go gallivanting or have one more fight.
Create a new space in which they can grow. A place where they can have a new start. It can be taking up sailing - wind, wave, discipline - rock climbing, something \"manly\", adultish, suitable for their temperament and energies. When you reaffirm their identities, they will settle down. It may not be in time for PSLE, but it will still be a very valuable year that shape the rest of their teenaged years. Worth sacrificing some A's for. -
ammonite:
Well said, ammonite. You sound really experienced
I have a few thoughts - do you know anything about his best friend? Must understand the partner in crime, and who is the motivator, your son,or the friend. Or some kids when they get together, they just egg each other on. You may need to distance his friend by introducing more positive influences, or co-opt the friend by inviting him home. Find out more.mummy OnABudget:
The ongoing issue of not wanting to do homework fighting in school going gallivanting with his best friend has made me reach my peak of anger till i burst out shouting then crying then asking him what more u expect from mummy have done so much for u with all your teachers we are trying to help u and yet u are not even helping yourself what u want us to do.
His teacher and me have setup a way to stop the gallivanting is when he reaches school he has to call me within 30mins from the time he leaves home and he has to call the teacher with the home phone when he leaves school and after every home work is done he has to report to her.
And yet he still thinks he can get away with things am sending him for another behavioural assement i have even told him u are making me feel like jumping down the block and just dont care anymore.
:?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:
Are they clever boys feeling aimless and sick of school? Or stressed out boys feeling sick of school? Feel aimless - introduce new hobbies, activities. Stressed out - find ways to relieve stress. Take concrete measures. Words don't help.
Do they know what they want after PSLE? Do they have good relationship with the teachers? Or have they already been labelled and condemned by family and school?
If they don't know what they want, time to sit down and ask them t think about future careers. Do not tell them - if you do badly you end up in some low- wage jobs. They already know that. Give them a beautiful vision to work towards.
Teachers? At p6 you have to face them day in day out. It has to be at least bearable.
Labels? If they have already been condemned, there is nothing to lose even if they go gallivanting or have one more fight.
Create a new space in which they can grow. A place where they can have a new start. It can be taking up sailing - wind, wave, discipline - rock climbing, something \"manly\", adultish, suitable for their temperament and energies. When you reaffirm their identities, they will settle down. It may not be in time for PSLE, but it will still be a very valuable year that shape the rest of their teenaged years. Worth sacrificing some A's for.
Are you in the helping profession too?
I think the challenge for most parents is that they are enmeshed in this situation and it can be really blinding. Let's say if I'm in this mom's shoes, I think I won't be able to think rationally and sensibly too...hehe...
Maybe the mother needs a third party (maybe a social worker or a trusting relative) who she can trust and can work with her so as to alleviate the situation? -
when my son not ready for open up,
Me: I love you
He: really?
Me: yes, of course
He: why u love me
Me: cos parents love their child without any reason, if they did anything wrong also parents love them
He: do you love me or my sister more?
me: i love both of you.you are my two eyes.
he is not satisfaction with my last response.he expected that i have to love him more than his sister.
then he started to cooperate. -
It's time for some man-to-man talk!
Where is your hubby all this while??!! :scratchhead: -
Nebbermind:
Not all fathers can talk to their children, might make the situation worse.It's time for some man-to-man talk!
Where is your hubby all this while??!! :scratchhead: -
Jennifer:
Perhaps that's the root of the problem! :evil:
Not all fathers can talk to their children, might make the situation worse.Nebbermind:
It's time for some man-to-man talk!
Where is your hubby all this while??!! :scratchhead: -
Nebbermind:
Perhaps that's the root of the problem! :evil:[/quote]Lol...it may be just one of the contributing factors not forgetting that problem is multi-dimensional
Not all fathers can talk to their children, might make the situation worse.Jennifer:
[quote=\"Nebbermind\"]It's time for some man-to-man talk!
Where is your hubby all this while??!! :scratchhead:
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