Failing relationship with Son

[Nebbermind]

Jennifer:

Nebbermind:

It's time for some man-to-man talk!


Where is your hubby all this while??!! :scratchhead:

Not all fathers can talk to their children, might make the situation worse.

Perhaps that's the root of the problem! :evil:

[JohnYeo]

Nebbermind:

Jennifer:

[quote=\"Nebbermind\"]It's time for some man-to-man talk!


Where is your hubby all this while??!! :scratchhead:

Not all fathers can talk to their children, might make the situation worse.

Perhaps that's the root of the problem! :evil:[/quote]Lol...it may be just one of the contributing factors not forgetting that problem is multi-dimensional

[mummy OnABudget]

My EX HUBBY is not and has not be involed with my ds since he was 5 i remarried but both my kids are from my previous marriage we do not have and will not want any more kids.


My boy and his best friend both have their fair share of being the leader in different situation.

MY current hubby has tried all he can to talk to ds but he is just acting very nonchalant about everything we ask him what does he want in the future he said dont worry la i sure can go to a good school, without working hard this is definitely not possible i told him directly.

I cannot bring him home myself because i myself is on course now i have my own workload to handle.

I dare to say we are not biased in anyway is like we give them both what ever we get for the other, same item same value so no figths about who get whats that cost more.

He has went for counselling before for the divorce and the counsellor was the one who discharge him from her care as she feels he is coping well and hes been ok just this year suddenly all the acting up.

[mummy OnABudget]

ammonite:

I have a few thoughts - do you know anything about his best friend? Must understand the partner in crime, and who is the motivator, your son,or the friend. Or some kids when they get together, they just egg each other on. You may need to distance his friend by introducing more positive influences, or co-opt the friend by inviting him home. Find out more.

Are they clever boys feeling aimless and sick of school? Or stressed out boys feeling sick of school? Feel aimless - introduce new hobbies, activities. Stressed out - find ways to relieve stress. Take concrete measures. Words don't help.

Do they know what they want after PSLE? Do they have good relationship with the teachers? Or have they already been labelled and condemned by family and school?

If they don't know what they want, time to sit down and ask them t think about future careers. Do not tell them - if you do badly you end up in some low- wage jobs. They already know that. Give them a beautiful vision to work towards.

Teachers? At p6 you have to face them day in day out. It has to be at least bearable.

Labels? If they have already been condemned, there is nothing to lose even if they go gallivanting or have one more fight.

Create a new space in which they can grow. A place where they can have a new start. It can be taking up sailing - wind, wave, discipline - rock climbing, something \"manly\", adultish, suitable for their temperament and energies. When you reaffirm their identities, they will settle down. It may not be in time for PSLE, but it will still be a very valuable year that shape the rest of their teenaged years. Worth sacrificing some A's for.

Now is no longer about getting As all we want to know is what is going on all he wants is access back to the computer access back to the handphone privileges that were taken away when he started all his rubbish.

[ammonite]

- delete-

[sharonkhoo]

mummy OnABudget:

He has went for counselling before for the divorce and the counsellor was the one who discharge him from her care as she feels he is coping well and hes been ok just this year suddenly all the acting up.

The counsellor then was probably concerned about issues arising from the divorce and maybe your remarriage (if that was around that time). This time, it may be something else. Since he's in P6, a good guess is that the PSLE stress may be getting to him, or his teenage hormones are making him less amenable to discipline from adults. No harm seeing a counsellor again just to get an experienced outsider's input. The surface issues like disobedience and rebellion could be just signs of some deeper issue.

[mummy OnABudget]

ammonite:

I have a few thoughts - do you know anything about his best friend? Must understand the partner in crime, and who is the motivator, your son,or the friend. Or some kids when they get together, they just egg each other on. You may need to distance his friend by introducing more positive influences, or co-opt the friend by inviting him home. Find out more.

Are they clever boys feeling aimless and sick of school? Or stressed out boys feeling sick of school? Feel aimless - introduce new hobbies, activities. Stressed out - find ways to relieve stress. Take concrete measures. Words don't help.

Do they know what they want after PSLE? Do they have good relationship with the teachers? Or have they already been labelled and condemned by family and school?

If they don't know what they want, time to sit down and ask them t think about future careers. Do not tell them - if you do badly you end up in some low- wage jobs. They already know that. Give them a beautiful vision to work towards.

Teachers? At p6 you have to face them day in day out. It has to be at least bearable.

Labels? If they have already been condemned, there is nothing to lose even if they go gallivanting or have one more fight.

Create a new space in which they can grow. A place where they can have a new start. It can be taking up sailing - wind, wave, discipline - rock climbing, something \"manly\", adultish, suitable for their temperament and energies. When you reaffirm their identities, they will settle down. It may not be in time for PSLE, but it will still be a very valuable year that shape the rest of their teenaged years. Worth sacrificing some A's for.

Now is no longer about getting As all we want to know is what is going on all he wants is access back to the computer access back to the handphone privileges that were taken away when he started all his rubbish.

[mummy OnABudget]

ammonite:

I have a few thoughts - do you know anything about his best friend? Must understand the partner in crime, and who is the motivator, your son,or the friend. Or some kids when they get together, they just egg each other on. You may need to distance his friend by introducing more positive influences, or co-opt the friend by inviting him home. Find out more.

Are they clever boys feeling aimless and sick of school? Or stressed out boys feeling sick of school? Feel aimless - introduce new hobbies, activities. Stressed out - find ways to relieve stress. Take concrete measures. Words don't help.

Do they know what they want after PSLE? Do they have good relationship with the teachers? Or have they already been labelled and condemned by family and school?

If they don't know what they want, time to sit down and ask them t think about future careers. Do not tell them - if you do badly you end up in some low- wage jobs. They already know that. Give them a beautiful vision to work towards.

Teachers? At p6 you have to face them day in day out. It has to be at least bearable.

Labels? If they have already been condemned, there is nothing to lose even if they go gallivanting or have one more fight.

Create a new space in which they can grow. A place where they can have a new start. It can be taking up sailing - wind, wave, discipline - rock climbing, something \"manly\", adultish, suitable for their temperament and energies. When you reaffirm their identities, they will settle down. It may not be in time for PSLE, but it will still be a very valuable year that shape the rest of their teenaged years. Worth sacrificing some A's for.

Now is no longer about getting As all we want to know is what is going on all he wants is access back to the computer access back to the handphone privileges that were taken away when he started all his rubbish.

[Jennifer]

mummy OnABudget:

My EX HUBBY is not and has not be involed with my ds since he was 5 i remarried but both my kids are from my previous marriage we do not have and will not want any more kids.


My boy and his best friend both have their fair share of being the leader in different situation.

MY current hubby has tried all he can to talk to ds but he is just acting very nonchalant about everything we ask him what does he want in the future he said dont worry la i sure can go to a good school, without working hard this is definitely not possible i told him directly.

I cannot bring him home myself because i myself is on course now i have my own workload to handle.

I dare to say we are not biased in anyway is like we give them both what ever we get for the other, same item same value so no figths about who get whats that cost more.

He has went for counselling before for the divorce and the counsellor was the one who discharge him from her care as she feels he is coping well and hes been ok just this year suddenly all the acting up.

I feel that being fair is not about giving the same amount of material possessions to our children. To me, it is about the required attention each unique child needs.

Love is an abstract idea. If grown up adults have problems with identifying love, knows whether they love this person or not, I think it is even harder for little children to understand parental love, esp when parental love comes bundled with disciplinary issues.

To improve parent-child relationship, I believe in verbalising \"I love you\" to our children frequently. When I do something for my children, I tell them that I am doing xxx becos I love you. When I buy their favourite snacks, I tell them becos I love them, I remember this is their favourite food. When I clean their room for them, I tell them I provide a clean room for them bcos I love them and want them to grow up healthly. When I scold them, I tell them bcos I love them and want them to be responsible individual.

My elder boy knows I love him.

My younger boy still blur blur even though I am saying the above. He is a challenge.

[ammonite]

mummy OnABudget:

My EX HUBBY is not and has not be involed with my ds since he was 5 i remarried but both my kids are from my previous marriage we do not have and will not want any more kids.


My boy and his best friend both have their fair share of being the leader in different situation.

MY current hubby has tried all he can to talk to ds but he is just acting very nonchalant about everything we ask him what does he want in the future he said dont worry la i sure can go to a good school, without working hard this is definitely not possible i told him directly.

I cannot bring him home myself because i myself is on course now i have my own workload to handle.

I dare to say we are not biased in anyway is like we give them both what ever we get for the other, same item same value so no figths about who get whats that cost more.

He has went for counselling before for the divorce and the counsellor was the one who discharge him from her care as she feels he is coping well and hes been ok just this year suddenly all the acting up.

I am sorry to hear this, it must be hard and tiring. :hugs:

I didn't see this post earlier. But I will ammend to say that in this case, stress on your concern for him and then stand firm on accountability. Because you are strapped for time and energy, you must create a support network around yourself and him. This can be neighbours, enrichment teachers and relatives.

I don't want to speculate, but I will just throw this out for your consideration. As he enters puberty, he may start to think about his biological father. If there had been no contact since he was young, this may be a question mark in his life as he himself grows to be a man. It depends also on the bonding between your current hubby and him. A counsellor to explore these areas is a good idea.